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'
I
was
coming
to
that
,
'
the
host
replied
.
'
You
must
know
,
I
am
in
a
very
bad
state
of
nerves
,
and
do
and
say
queer
things
I
can
not
account
for
.
As
I
have
told
you
often
,
I
am
on
the
edge
of
great
matters
;
and
the
bigness
of
them
has
a
way
of
making
me
light-headed
.
Any
man
might
well
be
frighted
of
what
I
have
found
,
but
I
am
not
to
be
put
off
for
long
.
I
was
a
dunce
to
have
that
guard
and
stick
at
home
;
for
having
gone
this
far
,
my
place
is
here
.
I
am
not
well
spoke
of
my
prying
neighbors
,
and
perhaps
I
was
led
by
weakness
to
believe
myself
what
they
say
of
me
.
There
is
no
evil
to
any
in
what
I
do
,
so
long
as
I
do
it
rightly
.
Have
the
goodness
to
wait
six
months
,
and
I
'll
show
you
what
will
pay
your
patience
well
.
'
'
You
may
as
well
know
I
have
a
way
of
learning
old
matters
from
things
surer
than
books
,
and
I
'll
leave
you
to
judge
the
importance
of
what
I
can
give
to
history
,
philosophy
,
and
the
arts
by
reason
of
the
doors
I
have
access
to
.
My
ancestor
had
all
this
when
those
witless
peeping
Toms
came
and
murdered
him
.
I
now
have
it
again
,
or
am
coming
very
imperfectly
to
have
a
part
of
it
.
This
time
nothing
must
happen
,
and
least
of
all
though
any
idiot
fears
of
my
own
.
Pray
forget
all
I
writ
you
,
Sir
,
and
have
no
fear
of
this
place
or
any
in
it
.
Dr.
Allen
is
a
man
of
fine
parts
,
and
I
own
him
an
apology
for
anything
ill
I
have
said
of
him
.
I
wish
I
had
no
need
to
spare
him
,
but
there
were
things
he
had
to
do
elsewhere
.
His
zeal
is
equal
to
mine
in
all
those
matters
,
and
I
suppose
that
when
I
feared
the
work
I
feared
him
too
as
my
greatest
helper
in
it
.
'
Ward
paused
,
and
the
doctor
hardly
knew
what
to
say
or
think
.
He
felt
almost
foolish
in
the
face
of
this
calm
repudiation
of
the
letter
;
and
yet
there
clung
to
him
the
fact
that
while
the
present
discourse
was
strange
and
alien
and
indubitably
mad
,
the
note
itself
had
been
tragic
in
its
naturalness
and
likeness
to
the
Charles
Ward
he
knew
.
Willett
now
tried
to
turn
the
talk
on
early
matters
,
and
recall
to
the
youth
some
past
events
which
would
restore
a
familiar
mood
;
but
in
this
process
he
obtained
only
the
most
grotesque
results
.
It
was
the
same
with
all
the
alienists
later
on
.
Important
sections
of
Charles
Ward
's
store
of
mental
images
,
mainly
those
touching
modern
times
and
his
own
personal
life
,
had
been
unaccountably
expunged
;
whilst
all
the
massed
antiquarianism
of
his
youth
had
welled
up
from
some
profound
subconsciousness
to
engulf
the
contemporary
and
the
individual
.
The
youth
's
intimate
knowledge
of
elder
things
was
abnormal
and
unholy
,
and
he
tried
his
best
to
hide
it
.
When
Willett
would
mention
some
favorite
object
of
his
boyhood
archaistic
studies
he
often
shed
by
pure
accident
such
a
light
as
no
normal
mortal
could
conceivably
be
expected
to
possess
,
and
the
doctor
shuddered
as
the
glib
allusion
glided
by
.
It
was
not
wholesome
to
know
so
much
about
the
way
the
fat
sheriff
's
wig
fell
off
as
he
leaned
over
at
the
play
in
Mr.
Douglass
's
Histrionick
Academy
in
King
Street
on
the
eleventh
of
February
,
1762
,
which
fell
on
a
Thursday
;
or
about
how
the
actors
cut
the
text
of
Steele
's
Conscious
Lover
so
badly
that
one
was
almost
glad
the
Baptist-ridden
legislature
closed
the
theater
a
fortnight
later
.
That
Thomas
Sabin
's
Boston
coach
was
"
damn
'd
uncomfortable
"
old
letters
may
well
have
told
;
but
what
healthy
antiquarian
could
recall
how
the
creaking
of
Epenetus
Olney
's
new
signboard
(
the
gaudy
crown
he
set
up
after
he
took
to
calling
his
tavern
the
Crown
Coffee
House
)
was
exactly
like
the
first
few
notes
of
the
new
jazz
piece
all
the
radios
in
Pawtuxet
were
playing
?
Ward
,
however
,
would
not
be
quizzed
long
in
this
vein
.
Modern
and
personal
topics
he
waved
aside
quite
summarily
,
whilst
regarding
antique
affairs
he
soon
showed
the
plainest
boredom
.
What
he
wished
clearly
enough
was
only
to
satisfy
his
visitor
enough
to
make
him
depart
without
the
intention
of
returning
.
To
this
end
he
offered
to
show
Willett
the
entire
house
,
and
at
once
proceeded
to
lead
the
doctor
through
every
room
from
cellar
to
attic
.
Willett
looked
sharply
,
but
noted
that
the
visible
books
were
far
too
few
and
trivial
to
have
ever
filled
the
wide
gaps
on
Ward
's
shelves
at
home
,
and
that
the
meager
so-called
"
laboratory
"
was
the
flimsiest
sort
of
a
blind
.
Clearly
,
there
were
a
library
and
a
laboratory
elsewhere
;
but
just
where
,
it
was
impossible
to
say
.
Essentially
defeated
in
his
quest
for
something
he
could
not
name
,
Willett
returned
to
town
before
evening
and
told
the
senior
Ward
everything
which
had
occurred
.
They
agreed
that
the
youth
must
be
definitely
out
of
his
mind
,
but
decided
that
nothing
drastic
need
be
done
just
then
.
Above
all
,
Mrs.
Ward
must
be
kept
in
as
complete
an
ignorance
as
her
son
's
own
strange
typed
notes
would
permit
.
Mr.
Ward
now
determined
to
call
in
person
upon
his
son
,
making
it
wholly
a
surprise
visit
.
Dr.
Willett
took
him
in
his
car
one
evening
,
guiding
him
to
within
sight
of
the
bungalow
and
waiting
patiently
for
his
return
.
The
session
was
a
long
one
,
and
the
father
emerged
in
a
very
saddened
and
perplexed
state
.
His
reception
had
developed
much
like
Willett
's
,
save
that
Charles
had
been
an
excessively
long
time
in
appearing
after
the
visitor
had
forced
his
way
into
the
hall
and
sent
the
Portuguese
away
with
an
imperative
demand
;
and
in
the
bearing
of
the
altered
son
there
was
no
trace
of
filial
affection
.
The
lights
had
been
dim
,
yet
even
so
the
youth
had
complained
that
they
dazzled
him
outrageously
.
He
had
not
spoken
out
loud
at
all
,
averring
that
his
throat
was
in
very
poor
condition
;
but
in
his
hoarse
whisper
there
was
a
quality
so
vaguely
disturbing
that
Mr.
Ward
could
not
banish
it
from
his
mind
.
