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- Генри Джеймс
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- Стр. 51/93
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It
was
all
very
well
to
join
them
,
but
speaking
to
them
proved
quite
as
much
as
ever
an
effort
beyond
my
strength
--
offered
,
in
close
quarters
,
difficulties
as
insurmountable
as
before
.
This
situation
continued
a
month
,
and
with
new
aggravations
and
particular
notes
,
the
note
above
all
,
sharper
and
sharper
,
of
the
small
ironic
consciousness
on
the
part
of
my
pupils
.
It
was
not
,
I
am
as
sure
today
as
I
was
sure
then
,
my
mere
infernal
imagination
:
it
was
absolutely
traceable
that
they
were
aware
of
my
predicament
and
that
this
strange
relation
made
,
in
a
manner
,
for
a
long
time
,
the
air
in
which
we
moved
.
I
do
n't
mean
that
they
had
their
tongues
in
their
cheeks
or
did
anything
vulgar
,
for
that
was
not
one
of
their
dangers
:
I
do
mean
,
on
the
other
hand
,
that
the
element
of
the
unnamed
and
untouched
became
,
between
us
,
greater
than
any
other
,
and
that
so
much
avoidance
could
not
have
been
so
successfully
effected
without
a
great
deal
of
tacit
arrangement
.
It
was
as
if
,
at
moments
,
we
were
perpetually
coming
into
sight
of
subjects
before
which
we
must
stop
short
,
turning
suddenly
out
of
alleys
that
we
perceived
to
be
blind
,
closing
with
a
little
bang
that
made
us
look
at
each
other
--
for
,
like
all
bangs
,
it
was
something
louder
than
we
had
intended
--
the
doors
we
had
indiscreetly
opened
.
All
roads
lead
to
Rome
,
and
there
were
times
when
it
might
have
struck
us
that
almost
every
branch
of
study
or
subject
of
conversation
skirted
forbidden
ground
.
Forbidden
ground
was
the
question
of
the
return
of
the
dead
in
general
and
of
whatever
,
in
especial
,
might
survive
,
in
memory
,
of
the
friends
little
children
had
lost
.
There
were
days
when
I
could
have
sworn
that
one
of
them
had
,
with
a
small
invisible
nudge
,
said
to
the
other
:
"
She
thinks
she
'll
do
it
this
time
--
but
she
wo
n't
!
"
To
"
do
it
"
would
have
been
to
indulge
for
instance
--
and
for
once
in
a
way
--
in
some
direct
reference
to
the
lady
who
had
prepared
them
for
my
discipline
.
They
had
a
delightful
endless
appetite
for
passages
in
my
own
history
,
to
which
I
had
again
and
again
treated
them
;
they
were
in
possession
of
everything
that
had
ever
happened
to
me
,
had
had
,
with
every
circumstance
the
story
of
my
smallest
adventures
and
of
those
of
my
brothers
and
sisters
and
of
the
cat
and
the
dog
at
home
,
as
well
as
many
particulars
of
the
eccentric
nature
of
my
father
,
of
the
furniture
and
arrangement
of
our
house
,
and
of
the
conversation
of
the
old
women
of
our
village
.
There
were
things
enough
,
taking
one
with
another
,
to
chatter
about
,
if
one
went
very
fast
and
knew
by
instinct
when
to
go
round
.
They
pulled
with
an
art
of
their
own
the
strings
of
my
invention
and
my
memory
;
and
nothing
else
perhaps
,
when
I
thought
of
such
occasions
afterward
,
gave
me
so
the
suspicion
of
being
watched
from
under
cover
.
It
was
in
any
case
over
my
life
,
my
past
,
and
my
friends
alone
that
we
could
take
anything
like
our
ease
--
a
state
of
affairs
that
led
them
sometimes
without
the
least
pertinence
to
break
out
into
sociable
reminders
.
I
was
invited
--
with
no
visible
connection
--
to
repeat
afresh
Goody
Gosling
's
celebrated
mot
or
to
confirm
the
details
already
supplied
as
to
the
cleverness
of
the
vicarage
pony
.
It
was
partly
at
such
junctures
as
these
and
partly
at
quite
different
ones
that
,
with
the
turn
my
matters
had
now
taken
,
my
predicament
,
as
I
have
called
it
,
grew
most
sensible
.
The
fact
that
the
days
passed
for
me
without
another
encounter
ought
,
it
would
have
appeared
,
to
have
done
something
toward
soothing
my
nerves
.
Since
the
light
brush
,
that
second
night
on
the
upper
landing
,
of
the
presence
of
a
woman
at
the
foot
of
the
stair
,
I
had
seen
nothing
,
whether
in
or
out
of
the
house
,
that
one
had
better
not
have
seen
.
There
was
many
a
corner
round
which
I
expected
to
come
upon
Quint
,
and
many
a
situation
that
,
in
a
merely
sinister
way
,
would
have
favored
the
appearance
of
Miss
Jessel
.
The
summer
had
turned
,
the
summer
had
gone
;
the
autumn
had
dropped
upon
Bly
and
had
blown
out
half
our
lights
.
The
place
,
with
its
gray
sky
and
withered
garlands
,
its
bared
spaces
and
scattered
dead
leaves
,
was
like
a
theater
after
the
performance
--
all
strewn
with
crumpled
playbills
.
There
were
exactly
states
of
the
air
,
conditions
of
sound
and
of
stillness
,
unspeakable
impressions
of
the
kind
of
ministering
moment
,
that
brought
back
to
me
,
long
enough
to
catch
it
,
the
feeling
of
the
medium
in
which
,
that
June
evening
out
of
doors
,
I
had
had
my
first
sight
of
Quint
,
and
in
which
,
too
,
at
those
other
instants
,
I
had
,
after
seeing
him
through
the
window
,
looked
for
him
in
vain
in
the
circle
of
shrubbery
.
I
recognized
the
signs
,
the
portents
--
I
recognized
the
moment
,
the
spot
.
But
they
remained
unaccompanied
and
empty
,
and
I
continued
unmolested
;
if
unmolested
one
could
call
a
young
woman
whose
sensibility
had
,
in
the
most
extraordinary
fashion
,
not
declined
but
deepened
.
I
had
said
in
my
talk
with
Mrs.
Grose
on
that
horrid
scene
of
Flora
's
by
the
lake
--
and
had
perplexed
her
by
so
saying
--
that
it
would
from
that
moment
distress
me
much
more
to
lose
my
power
than
to
keep
it
.
I
had
then
expressed
what
was
vividly
in
my
mind
:
the
truth
that
,
whether
the
children
really
saw
or
not
--
since
,
that
is
,
it
was
not
yet
definitely
proved
--
I
greatly
preferred
,
as
a
safeguard
,
the
fullness
of
my
own
exposure
.
I
was
ready
to
know
the
very
worst
that
was
to
be
known
.
What
I
had
then
had
an
ugly
glimpse
of
was
that
my
eyes
might
be
sealed
just
while
theirs
were
most
opened
.
Well
,
my
eyes
were
sealed
,
it
appeared
,
at
present
--
a
consummation
for
which
it
seemed
blasphemous
not
to
thank
God
.
There
was
,
alas
,
a
difficulty
about
that
:
I
would
have
thanked
him
with
all
my
soul
had
I
not
had
in
a
proportionate
measure
this
conviction
of
the
secret
of
my
pupils
.
How
can
I
retrace
today
the
strange
steps
of
my
obsession
?
There
were
times
of
our
being
together
when
I
would
have
been
ready
to
swear
that
,
literally
,
in
my
presence
,
but
with
my
direct
sense
of
it
closed
,
they
had
visitors
who
were
known
and
were
welcome
.
Then
it
was
that
,
had
I
not
been
deterred
by
the
very
chance
that
such
an
injury
might
prove
greater
than
the
injury
to
be
averted
,
my
exultation
would
have
broken
out
.
"
They
're
here
,
they
're
here
,
you
little
wretches
,
"
I
would
have
cried
,
"
and
you
ca
n't
deny
it
now
!
"
The
little
wretches
denied
it
with
all
the
added
volume
of
their
sociability
and
their
tenderness
,
in
just
the
crystal
depths
of
which
--
like
the
flash
of
a
fish
in
a
stream
--
the
mockery
of
their
advantage
peeped
up
.
The
shock
,
in
truth
,
had
sunk
into
me
still
deeper
than
I
knew
on
the
night
when
,
looking
out
to
see
either
Quint
or
Miss
Jessel
under
the
stars
,
I
had
beheld
the
boy
over
whose
rest
I
watched
and
who
had
immediately
brought
in
with
him
--
had
straightway
,
there
,
turned
it
on
me
--
the
lovely
upward
look
with
which
,
from
the
battlements
above
me
,
the
hideous
apparition
of
Quint
had
played
.
If
it
was
a
question
of
a
scare
,
my
discovery
on
this
occasion
had
scared
me
more
than
any
other
,
and
it
was
in
the
condition
of
nerves
produced
by
it
that
I
made
my
actual
inductions
.
They
harassed
me
so
that
sometimes
,
at
odd
moments
,
I
shut
myself
up
audibly
to
rehearse
--
it
was
at
once
a
fantastic
relief
and
a
renewed
despair
--
the
manner
in
which
I
might
come
to
the
point
.
I
approached
it
from
one
side
and
the
other
while
,
in
my
room
,
I
flung
myself
about
,
but
I
always
broke
down
in
the
monstrous
utterance
of
names
.
As
they
died
away
on
my
lips
,
I
said
to
myself
that
I
should
indeed
help
them
to
represent
something
infamous
,
if
,
by
pronouncing
them
,
I
should
violate
as
rare
a
little
case
of
instinctive
delicacy
as
any
schoolroom
,
probably
,
had
ever
known
.
When
I
said
to
myself
:
"
They
have
the
manners
to
be
silent
,
and
you
,
trusted
as
you
are
,
the
baseness
to
speak
!
"
I
felt
myself
crimson
and
I
covered
my
face
with
my
hands
.
After
these
secret
scenes
I
chattered
more
than
ever
,
going
on
volubly
enough
till
one
of
our
prodigious
,
palpable
hushes
occurred
--
I
can
call
them
nothing
else
--
the
strange
,
dizzy
lift
or
swim
(
I
try
for
terms
!
)
into
a
stillness
,
a
pause
of
all
life
,
that
had
nothing
to
do
with
the
more
or
less
noise
that
at
the
moment
we
might
be
engaged
in
making
and
that
I
could
hear
through
any
deepened
exhilaration
or
quickened
recitation
or
louder
strum
of
the
piano
.
Then
it
was
that
the
others
,
the
outsiders
,
were
there
.
Though
they
were
not
angels
,
they
"
passed
,
"
as
the
French
say
,
causing
me
,
while
they
stayed
,
to
tremble
with
the
fear
of
their
addressing
to
their
younger
victims
some
yet
more
infernal
message
or
more
vivid
image
than
they
had
thought
good
enough
for
myself
.
What
it
was
most
impossible
to
get
rid
of
was
the
cruel
idea
that
,
whatever
I
had
seen
,
Miles
and
Flora
saw
more
--
things
terrible
and
unguessable
and
that
sprang
from
dreadful
passages
of
intercourse
in
the
past
.
Such
things
naturally
left
on
the
surface
,
for
the
time
,
a
chill
which
we
vociferously
denied
that
we
felt
;
and
we
had
,
all
three
,
with
repetition
,
got
into
such
splendid
training
that
we
went
,
each
time
,
almost
automatically
,
to
mark
the
close
of
the
incident
,
through
the
very
same
movements
.
It
was
striking
of
the
children
,
at
all
events
,
to
kiss
me
inveterately
with
a
kind
of
wild
irrelevance
and
never
to
fail
--
one
or
the
other
--
of
the
precious
question
that
had
helped
us
through
many
a
peril
.
"
When
do
you
think
he
will
come
?
Do
n't
you
think
we
ought
to
write
?
"
--
there
was
nothing
like
that
inquiry
,
we
found
by
experience
,
for
carrying
off
an
awkwardness
.
"
He
"
of
course
was
their
uncle
in
Harley
Street
;
and
we
lived
in
much
profusion
of
theory
that
he
might
at
any
moment
arrive
to
mingle
in
our
circle
.
It
was
impossible
to
have
given
less
encouragement
than
he
had
done
to
such
a
doctrine
,
but
if
we
had
not
had
the
doctrine
to
fall
back
upon
we
should
have
deprived
each
other
of
some
of
our
finest
exhibitions
.
He
never
wrote
to
them
--
that
may
have
been
selfish
,
but
it
was
a
part
of
the
flattery
of
his
trust
of
me
;
for
the
way
in
which
a
man
pays
his
highest
tribute
to
a
woman
is
apt
to
be
but
by
the
more
festal
celebration
of
one
of
the
sacred
laws
of
his
comfort
;
and
I
held
that
I
carried
out
the
spirit
of
the
pledge
given
not
to
appeal
to
him
when
I
let
my
charges
understand
that
their
own
letters
were
but
charming
literary
exercises
.
They
were
too
beautiful
to
be
posted
;
I
kept
them
myself
;
I
have
them
all
to
this
hour
.
This
was
a
rule
indeed
which
only
added
to
the
satiric
effect
of
my
being
plied
with
the
supposition
that
he
might
at
any
moment
be
among
us
.
It
was
exactly
as
if
my
charges
knew
how
almost
more
awkward
than
anything
else
that
might
be
for
me
