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- Генри Джеймс
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- Стр. 46/93
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I
was
confronted
at
last
,
as
never
yet
,
with
all
the
risk
attached
even
now
to
sounding
my
own
horrid
note
.
I
remember
in
fact
that
as
we
pushed
into
his
little
chamber
,
where
the
bed
had
not
been
slept
in
at
all
and
the
window
,
uncovered
to
the
moonlight
,
made
the
place
so
clear
that
there
was
no
need
of
striking
a
match
--
I
remember
how
I
suddenly
dropped
,
sank
upon
the
edge
of
the
bed
from
the
force
of
the
idea
that
he
must
know
how
he
really
,
as
they
say
,
"
had
"
me
.
He
could
do
what
he
liked
,
with
all
his
cleverness
to
help
him
,
so
long
as
I
should
continue
to
defer
to
the
old
tradition
of
the
criminality
of
those
caretakers
of
the
young
who
minister
to
superstitions
and
fears
.
He
"
had
"
me
indeed
,
and
in
a
cleft
stick
;
for
who
would
ever
absolve
me
,
who
would
consent
that
I
should
go
unhung
,
if
,
by
the
faintest
tremor
of
an
overture
,
I
were
the
first
to
introduce
into
our
perfect
intercourse
an
element
so
dire
?
No
,
no
:
it
was
useless
to
attempt
to
convey
to
Mrs.
Grose
,
just
as
it
is
scarcely
less
so
to
attempt
to
suggest
here
,
how
,
in
our
short
,
stiff
brush
in
the
dark
,
he
fairly
shook
me
with
admiration
.
I
was
of
course
thoroughly
kind
and
merciful
;
never
,
never
yet
had
I
placed
on
his
little
shoulders
hands
of
such
tenderness
as
those
with
which
,
while
I
rested
against
the
bed
,
I
held
him
there
well
under
fire
.
I
had
no
alternative
but
,
in
form
at
least
,
to
put
it
to
him
.
"
You
must
tell
me
now
--
and
all
the
truth
.
What
did
you
go
out
for
?
What
were
you
doing
there
?
"
I
can
still
see
his
wonderful
smile
,
the
whites
of
his
beautiful
eyes
,
and
the
uncovering
of
his
little
teeth
shine
to
me
in
the
dusk
.
"
If
I
tell
you
why
,
will
you
understand
?
"
My
heart
,
at
this
,
leaped
into
my
mouth
.
Would
he
tell
me
why
?
I
found
no
sound
on
my
lips
to
press
it
,
and
I
was
aware
of
replying
only
with
a
vague
,
repeated
,
grimacing
nod
.
He
was
gentleness
itself
,
and
while
I
wagged
my
head
at
him
he
stood
there
more
than
ever
a
little
fairy
prince
.
It
was
his
brightness
indeed
that
gave
me
a
respite
.
Would
it
be
so
great
if
he
were
really
going
to
tell
me
?
"
Well
,
"
he
said
at
last
,
"
just
exactly
in
order
that
you
should
do
this
.
"
"
Do
what
?
"
"
Think
me
--
for
a
change
--
bad
!
"
I
shall
never
forget
the
sweetness
and
gaiety
with
which
he
brought
out
the
word
,
nor
how
,
on
top
of
it
,
he
bent
forward
and
kissed
me
.
It
was
practically
the
end
of
everything
.
I
met
his
kiss
and
I
had
to
make
,
while
I
folded
him
for
a
minute
in
my
arms
,
the
most
stupendous
effort
not
to
cry
.
He
had
given
exactly
the
account
of
himself
that
permitted
least
of
my
going
behind
it
,
and
it
was
only
with
the
effect
of
confirming
my
acceptance
of
it
that
,
as
I
presently
glanced
about
the
room
,
I
could
say
--
"
Then
you
did
n't
undress
at
all
?
"
He
fairly
glittered
in
the
gloom
.
"
Not
at
all
.
I
sat
up
and
read
.
"
"
And
when
did
you
go
down
?
"
"
At
midnight
.
When
I
'm
bad
I
am
bad
!
"
