По эту сторону рая/This side of paradise (Фрэнсис Скотт Фицджеральд). Страница 265 из 348

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"

What

am

I

for

?

To

propagate

the

race

?

According

to

the

American

novels

we

are

led

to

believe

that

the

'

healthy

American

boy

'

from

nineteen

to

twenty-five

is

an

entirely

sexless

animal

.

As

a

matter

of

fact

,

the

healthier

he

is

the

less

that

's

true

.

The

only

alternative

to

letting

it

get

you

is

some

violent

interest

.

Well

,

the

war

is

over

;

I

believe

too

much

in

the

responsibilities

of

authorship

to

write

just

now

;

and

business

,

well

,

business

speaks

for

itself

.

It

has

no

connection

with

anything

in

the

world

that

I

've

ever

been

interested

in

,

except

a

slim

,

utilitarian

connection

with

economics

.

What

I

'd

see

of

it

,

lost

in

a

clerkship

,

for

the

next

and

best

ten

years

of

my

life

would

have

the

intellectual

content

of

an

industrial

movie

.

"

"

Try

fiction

,

"

suggested

Tom

.

"

Trouble

is

I

get

distracted

when

I

start

to

write

stories

--

get

afraid

I

'm

doing

it

instead

of

living

--

get

thinking

maybe

life

is

waiting

for

me

in

the

Japanese

gardens

at

the

Ritz

or

at

Atlantic

City

or

on

the

lower

East

Side

.

Отключить рекламу

"

Anyway

,

"

he

continued

,

"

I

have

n't

the

vital

urge

.

I

wanted

to

be

a

regular

human

being

but

the

girl

could

n't

see

it

that

way

.

"

"

You

'll

find

another

.

"

"

God

!

Banish

the

thought

.

Why

do

n't

you

tell

me

that

'

if

the

girl

had

been

worth

having

she

'd

have

waited

for

you

'

?

No

,

sir

,

the

girl

really

worth

having

wo

n't

wait

for

anybody

.

If

I

thought

there

'd

be

another

I

'd

lose

my

remaining

faith

in

human

nature

.

Maybe

I

'll

play

--

but

Rosalind

was

the

only

girl

in

the

wide

world

that

could

have

held

me

.

"

"

Well

,

"

yawned

Tom

,

"

I

've

played

confidant

a

good

hour

by

the

clock

.

Still

,

I

'm

glad

to

see

you

're

beginning

to

have

violent

views

again

on

something

.

"

Отключить рекламу

"

I

am

,

"

agreed

Amory

reluctantly

.

"

Yet

when

I

see

a

happy

family

it

makes

me

sick

at

my

stomach

--

"

"

Happy

families

try

to

make

people

feel

that

way

,

"

said

Tom

cynically

.

TOM

THE

CENSOR

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