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Even
this
past
year
and
a
half
on
the
Zugersee
seemed
wasted
time
for
her
,
the
seasons
marked
only
by
the
workmen
on
the
road
turning
pink
in
May
,
brown
in
July
,
black
in
September
,
white
again
in
Spring
.
She
had
come
out
of
her
first
illness
alive
with
new
hopes
,
expecting
so
much
,
yet
deprived
of
any
subsistence
except
Dick
,
bringing
up
children
she
could
only
pretend
gently
to
love
,
guided
orphans
.
The
people
she
liked
,
rebels
mostly
,
disturbed
her
and
were
bad
for
her
—
she
sought
in
them
the
vitality
that
had
made
them
independent
or
creative
or
rugged
,
sought
in
vain
—
for
their
secrets
were
buried
deep
in
childhood
struggles
they
had
forgotten
.
They
were
more
interested
in
Nicole
’
s
exterior
harmony
and
charm
,
the
other
face
of
her
illness
.
She
led
a
lonely
life
owning
Dick
who
did
not
want
to
be
owned
.
Many
times
he
had
tried
unsuccessfully
to
let
go
his
hold
on
her
.
They
had
many
fine
times
together
,
fine
talks
between
the
loves
of
the
white
nights
,
but
always
when
he
turned
away
from
her
into
himself
he
left
her
holding
Nothing
in
her
hands
and
staring
at
it
,
calling
it
many
names
,
but
knowing
it
was
only
the
hope
that
he
would
come
back
soon
.
He
scrunched
his
pillow
hard
,
lay
down
,
and
put
the
back
of
his
neck
against
it
as
a
Japanese
does
to
slow
the
circulation
,
and
slept
again
for
a
time
.
Later
,
while
he
shaved
,
Nicole
awoke
and
marched
around
,
giving
abrupt
,
succinct
orders
to
children
and
servants
.
Lanier
came
in
to
watch
his
father
shave
—
living
beside
a
psychiatric
clinic
he
had
developed
an
extraordinary
confidence
in
and
admiration
for
his
father
,
together
with
an
exaggerated
indifference
toward
most
other
adults
;
the
patients
appeared
to
him
either
in
their
odd
aspects
,
or
else
as
devitalized
,
over
-
correct
creatures
without
personality
.
He
was
a
handsome
,
promising
boy
and
Dick
devoted
much
time
to
him
,
in
the
relationship
of
a
sympathetic
but
exacting
officer
and
respectful
enlisted
man
.
"
Why
,
"
Lanier
asked
,
"
do
you
always
leave
a
little
lather
on
the
top
of
your
hair
when
you
shave
?
"
Cautiously
Dick
parted
soapy
lips
:
"
I
have
never
been
able
to
find
out
.
I
’
ve
often
wondered
.
I
think
it
’
s
because
I
get
the
first
finger
soapy
when
I
make
the
line
of
my
side
-
burn
,
but
how
it
gets
up
on
top
of
my
head
I
don
’
t
know
.
"
"
I
’
m
going
to
watch
it
all
to
-
morrow
.
"
"
That
’
s
your
only
question
before
breakfast
?
"
"
I
don
’
t
really
call
it
a
question
.
"
"
That
’
s
one
on
you
.
"
