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He
reseated
himself
,
panting
for
breath
.
Focus
on
silver
triangle
once
more
,
he
told
himself
when
he
could
breath
.
Scrutinize
it
forcefully
and
count
.
At
ten
,
utter
startling
noise
.
Erwache
,
for
instance
.
Idiotic
daydreaming
of
fugal
type
,
he
thought
.
Emulation
of
more
noxious
aspects
of
adolescence
,
rather
than
the
clearheaded
pristine
innocence
of
authentic
childhood
.
Just
what
I
deserve
anyhow
.
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All
my
own
fault
.
No
intention
by
Mr
.
R
.
Childan
or
artisans
;
my
own
greed
to
blame
.
One
cannot
compel
understanding
to
come
.
He
counted
slowly
,
aloud
,
and
then
jumped
to
his
feet
.
"
Goddam
stupidity
,
"
he
said
sharply
.
Mists
cleared
?
He
peeped
about
.
Diffusion
subsided
,
in
all
probability
.
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Now
one
appreciates
Saint
Paul
s
incisive
word
choice
seen
through
glass
darkly
not
a
metaphor
,
but
astute
reference
to
optical
distortion
.
We
really
do
see
astigmatically
,
in
fundamental
sense
:
our
space
and
our
time
creations
of
our
own
psyche
,
and
when
these
momentarily
falter
like
acute
disturbance
of
middle
ear
.
Occasionally
we
list
eccentrically
,
all
sense
of
balance
gone
.
He
reseated
himself
,
put
the
silver
squiggle
away
in
his
coat
pocket
,
sat
holding
his
briefcase
on
his
lap
.
What
I
must
do
now
,
he
told
himself
,
is
go
and
see
if
that
malignant
construction
what
did
the
man
call
it
?
Embarcadero
Freeway
.
If
it
is
still
palpable
.