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- Филип Киндред Дик
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He
’
s
broken
me
,
Childan
almost
said
aloud
—
fortunately
,
however
,
he
managed
to
keep
it
only
a
thought
;
as
before
,
he
held
it
in
his
interior
world
,
apart
and
secret
,
for
himself
alone
.
Humiliated
me
and
my
race
.
And
I
’
m
helpless
.
There
’
s
no
avenging
this
;
we
are
defeated
and
our
defeats
are
like
this
,
so
tenuous
,
so
delicate
,
that
we
’
re
hardly
able
to
perceive
them
.
In
fact
,
we
have
to
rise
a
notch
in
our
evolution
to
know
it
ever
happened
.
What
more
proof
could
be
presented
,
as
to
the
Japanese
fitness
to
rule
?
He
felt
like
laughing
,
possibly
with
appreciation
.
Yes
,
he
thought
,
that
’
s
what
it
is
,
as
when
one
hears
a
choice
anecdote
.
I
’
ve
got
to
recall
it
,
savor
it
later
on
,
even
relate
it
.
But
to
whom
?
Problem
,
there
.
Too
personal
for
narration
.
In
the
corner
of
Paul
’
s
office
a
wastebasket
.
Into
it
!
Robert
Childan
said
to
himself
,
with
this
blob
,
this
wu
-
ridden
piece
of
jewelry
.
Could
I
do
it
?
Toss
it
away
?
End
the
situation
before
Paul
’
s
eyes
?
Can
’
t
even
toss
it
away
,
he
discovered
as
he
gripped
the
piece
.
Must
not
—
if
you
anticipate
facing
your
Japanese
fellowman
again
.
Damn
them
,
I
can
’
t
free
myself
of
their
influence
,
can
’
t
give
in
to
impulse
.
All
spontaneity
crushed
…
Paul
scrutinized
him
,
needing
to
say
nothing
;
the
man
’
s
very
presence
enough
.
Got
my
conscience
snared
,
has
run
an
invisible
string
from
this
blob
in
my
hands
up
my
arm
to
my
soul
.
Guess
I
’
ve
lived
around
them
too
long
.
Too
late
now
to
flee
,
to
get
back
among
whites
and
white
ways
.
Robert
Childan
said
,
"
Paul
—
"
His
voice
,
he
noted
,
croaked
in
sickly
escape
;
no
control
,
no
modulation
.
"
Yes
,
Robert
.
"
"
Paul
,
I
…
am
…
humiliated
.
"
