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"
Sometimes
.
"
"
I
want
to
explain
all
to
you
--
everything
--
everything
!
I
know
you
think
me
Utopian
,
do
n't
you
--
an
idealist
?
Oh
,
no
!
I
'm
not
,
indeed
--
my
ideas
are
all
so
simple
.
You
do
n't
believe
me
?
You
are
smiling
.
Do
you
know
,
I
am
sometimes
very
wicked
--
for
I
lose
my
faith
?
This
evening
as
I
came
here
,
I
thought
to
myself
,
'
What
shall
I
talk
about
?
How
am
I
to
begin
,
so
that
they
may
be
able
to
understand
partially
,
at
all
events
?
'
How
afraid
I
was
--
dreadfully
afraid
!
And
yet
,
how
could
I
be
afraid
--
was
it
not
shameful
of
me
?
Was
I
afraid
of
finding
a
bottomless
abyss
of
empty
selfishness
?
Ah
!
that
's
why
I
am
so
happy
at
this
moment
,
because
I
find
there
is
no
bottomless
abyss
at
all
--
but
good
,
healthy
material
,
full
of
life
.
"
It
is
not
such
a
very
dreadful
circumstance
that
we
are
odd
people
,
is
it
?
For
we
really
are
odd
,
you
know
--
careless
,
reckless
,
easily
wearied
of
anything
.
We
do
n't
look
thoroughly
into
matters
--
do
n't
care
to
understand
things
.
We
are
all
like
this
--
you
and
I
,
and
all
of
them
!
Why
,
here
are
you
,
now
--
you
are
not
a
bit
angry
with
me
for
calling
you
'
odd
,
'
are
you
?
And
,
if
so
,
surely
there
is
good
material
in
you
?
Do
you
know
,
I
sometimes
think
it
is
a
good
thing
to
be
odd
.
We
can
forgive
one
another
more
easily
,
and
be
more
humble
.
No
one
can
begin
by
being
perfect
--
there
is
much
one
can
not
understand
in
life
at
first
.
In
order
to
attain
to
perfection
,
one
must
begin
by
failing
to
understand
much
.
And
if
we
take
in
knowledge
too
quickly
,
we
very
likely
are
not
taking
it
in
at
all
.
I
say
all
this
to
you
--
you
who
by
this
time
understand
so
much
--
and
doubtless
have
failed
to
understand
so
much
,
also
.
I
am
not
afraid
of
you
any
longer
.
You
are
not
angry
that
a
mere
boy
should
say
such
words
to
you
,
are
you
?
Of
course
not
!
You
know
how
to
forget
and
to
forgive
.
You
are
laughing
,
Ivan
Petrovitch
?
You
think
I
am
a
champion
of
other
classes
of
people
--
that
I
am
their
advocate
,
a
democrat
,
and
an
orator
of
Equality
?
"
The
prince
laughed
hysterically
;
he
had
several
times
burst
into
these
little
,
short
nervous
laughs
.
"
Oh
,
no
--
it
is
for
you
,
for
myself
,
and
for
all
of
us
together
,
that
I
am
alarmed
.
I
am
a
prince
of
an
old
family
myself
,
and
I
am
sitting
among
my
peers
;
and
I
am
talking
like
this
in
the
hope
of
saving
us
all
;
in
the
hope
that
our
class
will
not
disappear
altogether
--
into
the
darkness
--
unguessing
its
danger
--
blaming
everything
around
it
,
and
losing
ground
every
day
.
Why
should
we
disappear
and
give
place
to
others
,
when
we
may
still
,
if
we
choose
,
remain
in
the
front
rank
and
lead
the
battle
?
Let
us
be
servants
,
that
we
may
become
lords
in
due
season
!
"
He
tried
to
get
upon
his
feet
again
,
but
the
old
man
still
restrained
him
,
gazing
at
him
with
increasing
perturbation
as
he
went
on
.
"
Listen
--
I
know
it
is
best
not
to
speak
!
It
is
best
simply
to
give
a
good
example
--
simply
to
begin
the
work
.
I
have
done
this
--
I
have
begun
,
and
--
and
--
oh
!
can
anyone
be
unhappy
,
really
?
Oh
!
what
does
grief
matter
--
what
does
misfortune
matter
,
if
one
knows
how
to
be
happy
?
Do
you
know
,
I
can
not
understand
how
anyone
can
pass
by
a
green
tree
,
and
not
feel
happy
only
to
look
at
it
!
How
anyone
can
talk
to
a
man
and
not
feel
happy
in
loving
him
!
Oh
,
it
is
my
own
fault
that
I
can
not
express
myself
well
enough
!
But
there
are
lovely
things
at
every
step
I
take
--
things
which
even
the
most
miserable
man
must
recognize
as
beautiful
.
Look
at
a
little
child
--
look
at
God
's
day
dawn
--
look
at
the
grass
growing
--
look
at
the
eyes
that
love
you
,
as
they
gaze
back
into
your
eyes
!
"
He
had
risen
,
and
was
speaking
standing
up
.
The
old
gentleman
was
looking
at
him
now
in
unconcealed
alarm
.
Lizabetha
Prokofievna
wrung
her
hands
.
"
Oh
,
my
God
!
"
she
cried
.
She
had
guessed
the
state
of
the
case
before
anyone
else
.
Aglaya
rushed
quickly
up
to
him
,
and
was
just
in
time
to
receive
him
in
her
arms
,
and
to
hear
with
dread
and
horror
that
awful
,
wild
cry
as
he
fell
writhing
to
the
ground
.
