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- Федор Достоевский
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- Стр. 436/592
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"
Yesterday
,
after
seeing
you
,
I
went
home
and
thought
out
a
picture
.
"
Artists
always
draw
the
Saviour
as
an
actor
in
one
of
the
Gospel
stories
.
I
should
do
differently
.
I
should
represent
Christ
alone
--
the
disciples
did
leave
Him
alone
occasionally
.
I
should
paint
one
little
child
left
with
Him
.
This
child
has
been
playing
about
near
Him
,
and
had
probably
just
been
telling
the
Saviour
something
in
its
pretty
baby
prattle
.
Christ
had
listened
to
it
,
but
was
now
musing
--
one
hand
reposing
on
the
child
's
bright
head
.
His
eyes
have
a
far-away
expression
.
Thought
,
great
as
the
Universe
,
is
in
them
--
His
face
is
sad
.
The
little
one
leans
its
elbow
upon
Christ
's
knee
,
and
with
its
cheek
resting
on
its
hand
,
gazes
up
at
Him
,
pondering
as
children
sometimes
do
ponder
.
The
sun
is
setting
.
There
you
have
my
picture
.
"
You
are
innocent
--
and
in
your
innocence
lies
all
your
perfection
--
oh
,
remember
that
!
What
is
my
passion
to
you
?
--
you
are
mine
now
;
I
shall
be
near
you
all
my
life
--
I
shall
not
live
long
!
"
At
length
,
in
the
last
letter
of
all
,
he
found
:
"
For
Heaven
's
sake
,
do
n't
misunderstand
me
!
Do
not
think
that
I
humiliate
myself
by
writing
thus
to
you
,
or
that
I
belong
to
that
class
of
people
who
take
a
satisfaction
in
humiliating
themselves
--
from
pride
.
I
have
my
consolation
,
though
it
would
be
difficult
to
explain
it
--
but
I
do
not
humiliate
myself
.
"
Why
do
I
wish
to
unite
you
two
?
For
your
sakes
or
my
own
?
For
my
own
sake
,
naturally
.
All
the
problems
of
my
life
would
thus
be
solved
;
I
have
thought
so
for
a
long
time
.
I
know
that
once
when
your
sister
Adelaida
saw
my
portrait
she
said
that
such
beauty
could
overthrow
the
world
.
But
I
have
renounced
the
world
.
You
think
it
strange
that
I
should
say
so
,
for
you
saw
me
decked
with
lace
and
diamonds
,
in
the
company
of
drunkards
and
wastrels
.
Take
no
notice
of
that
;
I
know
that
I
have
almost
ceased
to
exist
.
God
knows
what
it
is
dwelling
within
me
now
--
it
is
not
myself
.
I
can
see
it
every
day
in
two
dreadful
eyes
which
are
always
looking
at
me
,
even
when
not
present
.
These
eyes
are
silent
now
,
they
say
nothing
;
but
I
know
their
secret
.
His
house
is
gloomy
,
and
there
is
a
secret
in
it
.
I
am
convinced
that
in
some
box
he
has
a
razor
hidden
,
tied
round
with
silk
,
just
like
the
one
that
Moscow
murderer
had
.
This
man
also
lived
with
his
mother
,
and
had
a
razor
hidden
away
,
tied
round
with
white
silk
,
and
with
this
razor
he
intended
to
cut
a
throat
.
"
All
the
while
I
was
in
their
house
I
felt
sure
that
somewhere
beneath
the
floor
there
was
hidden
away
some
dreadful
corpse
,
wrapped
in
oil-cloth
,
perhaps
buried
there
by
his
father
,
who
knows
?
Just
as
in
the
Moscow
case
.
I
could
have
shown
you
the
very
spot
!
"
He
is
always
silent
,
but
I
know
well
that
he
loves
me
so
much
that
he
must
hate
me
.
My
wedding
and
yours
are
to
be
on
the
same
day
;
so
I
have
arranged
with
him
.
I
have
no
secrets
from
him
.
I
would
kill
him
from
very
fright
,
but
he
will
kill
me
first
.
He
has
just
burst
out
laughing
,
and
says
that
I
am
raving
.
He
knows
I
am
writing
to
you
.
"
There
was
much
more
of
this
delirious
wandering
in
the
letters
--
one
of
them
was
very
long
.
