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He
felt
in
a
very
curious
condition
today
,
a
condition
similar
to
that
which
had
preceded
his
fits
in
bygone
years
.
He
remembered
that
at
such
times
he
had
been
particularly
absentminded
,
and
could
not
discriminate
between
objects
and
persons
unless
he
concentrated
special
attention
upon
them
.
He
remembered
seeing
something
in
the
window
marked
at
sixty
copecks
.
Therefore
,
if
the
shop
existed
and
if
this
object
were
really
in
the
window
,
it
would
prove
that
he
had
been
able
to
concentrate
his
attention
on
this
article
at
a
moment
when
,
as
a
general
rule
,
his
absence
of
mind
would
have
been
too
great
to
admit
of
any
such
concentration
;
in
fact
,
very
shortly
after
he
had
left
the
railway
station
in
such
a
state
of
agitation
.
So
he
walked
back
looking
about
him
for
the
shop
,
and
his
heart
beat
with
intolerable
impatience
.
Ah
!
here
was
the
very
shop
,
and
there
was
the
article
marked
"
60
cop
.
"
Of
course
,
it
's
sixty
copecks
,
he
thought
,
and
certainly
worth
no
more
.
This
idea
amused
him
and
he
laughed
.
But
it
was
a
hysterical
laugh
;
he
was
feeling
terribly
oppressed
.
He
remembered
clearly
that
just
here
,
standing
before
this
window
,
he
had
suddenly
turned
round
,
just
as
earlier
in
the
day
he
had
turned
and
found
the
dreadful
eyes
of
Rogojin
fixed
upon
him
.
Convinced
,
therefore
,
that
in
this
respect
at
all
events
he
had
been
under
no
delusion
,
he
left
the
shop
and
went
on
.
This
must
be
thought
out
;
it
was
clear
that
there
had
been
no
hallucination
at
the
station
then
,
either
;
something
had
actually
happened
to
him
,
on
both
occasions
;
there
was
no
doubt
of
it
.
But
again
a
loathing
for
all
mental
exertion
overmastered
him
;
he
would
not
think
it
out
now
,
he
would
put
it
off
and
think
of
something
else
.
He
remembered
that
during
his
epileptic
fits
,
or
rather
immediately
preceding
them
,
he
had
always
experienced
a
moment
or
two
when
his
whole
heart
,
and
mind
,
and
body
seemed
to
wake
up
to
vigour
and
light
;
when
he
became
filled
with
joy
and
hope
,
and
all
his
anxieties
seemed
to
be
swept
away
for
ever
;
these
moments
were
but
presentiments
,
as
it
were
,
of
the
one
final
second
(
it
was
never
more
than
a
second
)
in
which
the
fit
came
upon
him
.
That
second
,
of
course
,
was
inexpressible
.
When
his
attack
was
over
,
and
the
prince
reflected
on
his
symptoms
,
he
used
to
say
to
himself
:
"
These
moments
,
short
as
they
are
,
when
I
feel
such
extreme
consciousness
of
myself
,
and
consequently
more
of
life
than
at
other
times
,
are
due
only
to
the
disease
--
to
the
sudden
rupture
of
normal
conditions
.
Therefore
they
are
not
really
a
higher
kind
of
life
,
but
a
lower
.
"
This
reasoning
,
however
,
seemed
to
end
in
a
paradox
,
and
lead
to
the
further
consideration
:
--
"
What
matter
though
it
be
only
disease
,
an
abnormal
tension
of
the
brain
,
if
when
I
recall
and
analyze
the
moment
,
it
seems
to
have
been
one
of
harmony
and
beauty
in
the
highest
degree
--
an
instant
of
deepest
sensation
,
overflowing
with
unbounded
joy
and
rapture
,
ecstatic
devotion
,
and
completest
life
?
"
Vague
though
this
sounds
,
it
was
perfectly
comprehensible
to
Muishkin
,
though
he
knew
that
it
was
but
a
feeble
expression
of
his
sensations
.
That
there
was
,
indeed
,
beauty
and
harmony
in
those
abnormal
moments
,
that
they
really
contained
the
highest
synthesis
of
life
,
he
could
not
doubt
,
nor
even
admit
the
possibility
of
doubt
.
He
felt
that
they
were
not
analogous
to
the
fantastic
and
unreal
dreams
due
to
intoxication
by
hashish
,
opium
or
wine
.
Of
that
he
could
judge
,
when
the
attack
was
over
.
These
instants
were
characterized
--
to
define
it
in
a
word
--
by
an
intense
quickening
of
the
sense
of
personality
.
Since
,
in
the
last
conscious
moment
preceding
the
attack
,
he
could
say
to
himself
,
with
full
understanding
of
his
words
:
"
I
would
give
my
whole
life
for
this
one
instant
,
"
then
doubtless
to
him
it
really
was
worth
a
lifetime
.
For
the
rest
,
he
thought
the
dialectical
part
of
his
argument
of
little
worth
;
he
saw
only
too
clearly
that
the
result
of
these
ecstatic
moments
was
stupefaction
,
mental
darkness
,
idiocy
.
No
argument
was
possible
on
that
point
.
His
conclusion
,
his
estimate
of
the
"
moment
,
"
doubtless
contained
some
error
,
yet
the
reality
of
the
sensation
troubled
him
.
What
's
more
unanswerable
than
a
fact
?
And
this
fact
had
occurred
.
The
prince
had
confessed
unreservedly
to
himself
that
the
feeling
of
intense
beatitude
in
that
crowded
moment
made
the
moment
worth
a
lifetime
.
"
I
feel
then
,
"
he
said
one
day
to
Rogojin
in
Moscow
,
"
I
feel
then
as
if
I
understood
those
amazing
words
--
'
There
shall
be
no
more
time
.
"'
And
he
added
with
a
smile
:
"
No
doubt
the
epileptic
Mahomet
refers
to
that
same
moment
when
he
says
that
he
visited
all
the
dwellings
of
Allah
,
in
less
time
than
was
needed
to
empty
his
pitcher
of
water
.
"
Yes
,
he
had
often
met
Rogojin
in
Moscow
,
and
many
were
the
subjects
they
discussed
.
"
He
told
me
I
had
been
a
brother
to
him
,
"
thought
the
prince
.
"
He
said
so
today
,
for
the
first
time
.
"
He
was
sitting
in
the
Summer
Garden
on
a
seat
under
a
tree
,
and
his
mind
dwelt
on
the
matter
.
It
was
about
seven
o'clock
,
and
the
place
was
empty
.
The
stifling
atmosphere
foretold
a
storm
,
and
the
prince
felt
a
certain
charm
in
the
contemplative
mood
which
possessed
him
.
He
found
pleasure
,
too
,
in
gazing
at
the
exterior
objects
around
him
.
All
the
time
he
was
trying
to
forget
some
thing
,
to
escape
from
some
idea
that
haunted
him
;
but
melancholy
thoughts
came
back
,
though
he
would
so
willingly
have
escaped
from
them
.
He
remembered
suddenly
how
he
had
been
talking
to
the
waiter
,
while
he
dined
,
about
a
recently
committed
murder
which
the
whole
town
was
discussing
,
and
as
he
thought
of
it
something
strange
came
over
him
.
He
was
seized
all
at
once
by
a
violent
desire
,
almost
a
temptation
,
against
which
he
strove
in
vain
.
