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He
liked
my
body
,
he
told
me
,
after
the
initial
viewing
at
the
beach
.
He
told
me
that
Brazilians
have
a
term
for
exactly
my
kind
of
body
(
of
course
they
do
)
,
which
is
magra
-
falsa
,
translating
as
"
fake
thin
,
"
meaning
that
the
woman
looks
slender
enough
from
a
distance
,
but
when
you
get
up
close
,
you
can
see
that
she
s
actually
quite
round
and
fleshy
,
which
Brazilians
consider
a
good
thing
.
God
bless
Brazilians
.
As
we
lay
out
on
our
towels
talking
,
he
would
reach
over
sometimes
and
brush
sand
off
my
nose
,
or
push
a
mutinying
hair
out
of
my
face
.
We
talked
for
about
ten
solid
hours
.
Then
it
was
dark
,
so
we
packed
up
our
things
and
went
for
a
walk
through
the
not
-
very
-
well
-
lit
dirt
road
main
street
of
this
old
Balinese
fishing
village
,
linked
comfortably
arm
-
in
-
arm
under
the
stars
.
That
s
when
Felipe
from
Brazil
asked
me
in
the
most
natural
and
relaxed
of
ways
(
almost
as
if
he
were
wondering
if
we
should
get
a
bite
to
eat
)
,
"
Should
we
have
an
affair
together
,
Liz
?
What
do
you
think
?
"
I
liked
everything
about
the
way
this
was
happening
.
Not
with
an
action
-
not
with
an
attempted
kiss
or
a
daring
move
-
but
with
a
question
.
And
the
correct
question
,
too
.
I
remembered
something
my
therapist
had
said
to
me
over
a
year
ago
before
I
d
left
on
this
journey
.
I
d
told
her
that
I
thought
I
wanted
to
remain
celibate
for
this
whole
year
of
traveling
,
but
worried
,
"
What
if
I
meet
someone
I
really
like
?
What
should
I
do
?
Should
I
get
together
with
him
or
not
?
Should
I
maintain
my
autonomy
?
Or
treat
myself
to
a
romance
?
"
My
therapist
replied
with
an
indulgent
smile
,
"
You
know
,
Liz
-
all
this
can
be
discussed
at
the
time
the
issue
actually
arises
,
with
the
person
in
question
.
"
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So
here
it
all
was
-
the
time
,
the
place
,
the
issue
and
the
person
in
question
.
We
proceeded
to
have
a
discussion
about
the
idea
,
which
came
out
easily
,
during
our
friendly
,
linked
arm
-
in
-
arm
walk
by
the
ocean
.
I
said
,
"
I
would
probably
say
yes
,
Felipe
,
under
normal
circumstances
.
Whatever
normal
circumstances
are
"
We
both
laughed
.
But
then
I
showed
him
my
hesitation
.
Which
was
this
-
that
as
much
as
I
might
enjoy
to
have
my
body
and
heart
folded
and
unfolded
for
a
while
in
the
expert
hands
of
an
expat
lover
,
something
else
inside
me
has
put
in
a
serious
request
that
I
donate
the
entirety
of
this
year
of
traveling
all
to
myself
.
That
some
vital
transformation
is
happening
in
my
life
,
and
this
transformation
needs
time
and
room
in
order
to
finish
its
process
undisturbed
.
That
basically
,
I
m
the
cake
that
just
came
out
of
the
oven
,
and
it
still
needs
some
more
time
to
cool
before
it
can
be
frosted
.
I
don
t
want
to
cheat
myself
out
of
this
precious
time
.
I
don
t
want
to
lose
control
of
my
life
again
.
Of
course
Felipe
said
that
he
understood
,
and
that
I
should
do
whatever
s
best
for
me
,
and
that
he
hoped
I
would
forgive
him
for
bringing
up
the
question
in
the
first
place
.
(
"
It
had
to
be
asked
,
my
lovely
darling
,
sooner
or
later
.
"
)
He
assured
me
that
,
whatever
I
decided
,
we
would
still
keep
our
friendship
,
since
it
seemed
to
be
so
good
for
both
of
us
,
all
this
time
we
spent
together
.
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"
Although
,
"
he
went
on
,
"
you
do
need
to
let
me
make
my
case
now
.
"
"
Fair
enough
,
"
I
said
.
"
For
one
thing
,
if
I
understand
you
correctly
,
this
whole
year
is
about
your
search
for
balance
between
devotion
and
pleasure
.
I
can
see
where
you
ve
been
doing
a
lot
of
devotional
practices
,
but
I
m
not
sure
where
the
pleasure
has
come
in
so
far
.
"