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- Ешь, молись, люби
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"
A
good
man
and
clean
kidneys
,
too
?
That
sounds
like
a
great
deal
.
"
"
I
never
tell
anybody
these
things
before
about
my
divorce
,
"
she
told
me
.
"
But
my
life
is
heavy
,
too
much
sad
,
too
much
hard
I
don
’
t
understand
why
life
is
so
hard
.
"
Then
I
did
a
strange
thing
.
I
took
both
the
healer
’
s
hands
in
mine
and
I
said
with
the
most
powerful
conviction
,
"
The
hardest
part
of
your
life
is
behind
you
now
,
Wayan
.
"
I
left
the
shop
,
then
,
trembling
unaccountably
,
all
jammed
up
with
some
potent
intuition
or
impulse
that
I
could
not
yet
identify
or
release
.
Now
my
days
are
divided
into
natural
thirds
.
I
spend
my
mornings
with
Wayan
at
her
shop
,
laughing
and
eating
.
I
spend
my
afternoons
with
Ketut
the
medicine
man
,
talking
and
drinking
coffee
.
I
spend
my
evenings
in
my
lovely
garden
,
either
hanging
out
by
myself
and
reading
a
book
,
or
sometimes
talking
with
Yudhi
,
who
comes
over
to
play
his
guitar
.
Every
morning
,
I
meditate
while
the
sun
comes
up
over
the
rice
fields
,
and
before
bedtime
I
speak
to
my
four
spirit
brothers
and
ask
them
to
watch
over
me
while
I
sleep
.
I
’
ve
been
here
only
a
few
weeks
and
I
feel
a
rather
mission
-
accomplished
sensation
already
.
The
task
in
Indonesia
was
to
search
for
balance
,
but
I
don
’
t
feel
like
I
’
m
searching
for
anything
anymore
because
the
balance
has
somehow
naturally
come
into
place
.
It
’
s
not
that
I
’
m
becoming
Balinese
(
no
more
than
I
ever
became
Italian
or
Indian
)
but
only
this
-
I
can
feel
my
own
peace
,
and
I
love
the
swing
of
my
days
between
easeful
devotional
practices
and
the
pleasures
of
beautiful
landscape
,
dear
friends
and
good
food
.
I
’
ve
been
praying
a
lot
lately
,
comfortably
and
frequently
.
Most
of
the
time
,
I
find
that
I
want
to
pray
when
I
’
m
on
my
bicycle
,
riding
home
from
Ketut
’
s
house
through
the
monkey
forest
and
the
rice
terraces
in
the
dusky
late
afternoons
.
I
pray
,
of
course
,
not
to
be
hit
by
another
bus
,
or
jumped
by
a
monkey
or
bit
by
a
dog
,
but
that
’
s
just
superfluous
;
most
of
my
prayers
are
expressions
of
sheer
gratitude
for
the
fullness
of
my
contentment
.
I
have
never
felt
less
burdened
by
myself
or
by
the
world
.
I
keep
remembering
one
of
my
Guru
’
s
teachings
about
happiness
.
She
says
that
people
universally
tend
to
think
that
happiness
is
a
stroke
of
luck
,
something
that
will
maybe
descend
upon
you
like
fine
weather
if
you
’
re
fortunate
enough
.
But
that
’
s
not
how
happiness
works
.
Happiness
is
the
consequence
of
personal
effort
.
You
fight
for
it
,
strive
for
it
,
insist
upon
it
,
and
sometimes
even
travel
around
the
world
looking
for
it
.
You
have
to
participate
relentlessly
in
the
manifestations
of
your
own
blessings
.
And
once
you
have
achieved
a
state
of
happiness
,
you
must
never
become
lax
about
maintaining
it
,
you
must
make
a
mighty
effort
to
keep
swimming
upward
into
that
happiness
forever
,
to
stay
afloat
on
top
of
it
.
If
you
don
’
t
,
you
will
leak
away
your
innate
contentment
.
It
’
s
easy
enough
to
pray
when
you
’
re
in
distress
but
continuing
to
pray
even
when
your
crisis
has
passed
is
like
a
sealing
process
,
helping
your
soul
hold
tight
to
its
good
attainments
.
Recalling
these
teachings
as
I
ride
my
bike
so
freely
in
the
sunset
through
Bali
,
I
keep
making
prayers
that
are
really
vows
,
presenting
my
state
of
harmony
to
God
and
saying
,
"
This
is
what
I
would
like
to
hold
on
to
.
Please
help
me
memorize
this
feeling
of
contentment
and
help
me
always
support
it
.
"
I
’
m
putting
this
happiness
in
a
bank
somewhere
,
not
merely
FDIC
protected
but
guarded
by
my
four
spirit
brothers
,
held
there
as
insurance
against
future
trials
in
life
.
This
is
a
practice
I
’
ve
come
to
call
"
Diligent
Joy
.
"
As
I
focus
on
Diligent
Joy
,
I
also
keep
remembering
a
simple
idea
my
friend
Darcey
told
me
once
-
that
all
the
sorrow
and
trouble
of
this
world
is
caused
by
unhappy
people
.
