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But
all
this
is
inconsequential
.
The
really
amazing
thing
happened
the
same
day
I
’
d
jumped
out
of
the
building
.
That
afternoon
,
I
ran
into
Delia
,
my
roommate
.
I
told
her
that
she
had
padlocked
me
into
our
room
.
She
was
aghast
.
She
said
,
"
I
can
’
t
imagine
why
I
would
’
ve
done
that
!
Especially
because
you
’
ve
been
on
my
mind
all
morning
.
I
had
this
really
vivid
dream
about
you
last
night
.
I
haven
’
t
been
able
to
stop
thinking
about
it
all
day
"
"
Tell
me
,
"
I
said
.
"
I
dreamt
that
you
were
on
fire
,
"
Delia
said
,
"
and
that
your
bed
was
on
fire
,
too
.
I
jumped
up
to
try
to
help
you
,
but
by
the
time
I
got
there
,
you
were
nothing
but
white
ash
.
"
It
was
then
I
decided
I
needed
to
stay
here
at
the
Ashram
.
This
was
so
totally
not
my
original
plan
.
My
original
plan
had
been
to
stay
here
for
just
six
weeks
,
have
a
bit
of
transcendental
experience
,
then
continue
traveling
all
over
India
…
um
…
looking
for
God
.
I
had
maps
and
guidebooks
and
hiking
boots
and
everything
!
I
had
specific
temples
and
mosques
and
holy
men
I
was
all
lined
up
to
meet
.
I
mean
-
it
’
s
India
!
There
’
s
so
much
to
see
and
experience
here
.
I
’
ve
got
a
lot
of
mileage
to
cover
,
temples
to
explore
,
elephants
and
camels
to
ride
.
And
I
’
d
be
devastated
to
miss
the
Ganges
,
the
great
Rajasthani
desert
,
the
nutty
Mumbai
movie
houses
,
the
Himalayas
,
the
old
tea
plantations
,
the
Calcutta
rickshaws
racing
against
each
other
like
the
chariot
scene
from
Ben
-
Hur
.
And
I
was
even
planning
on
meeting
the
Dalai
Lama
in
March
,
up
in
Daramsala
.
I
was
hoping
he
could
teach
me
about
God
.
But
to
stay
put
,
to
immobilize
myself
in
a
small
Ashram
in
a
tiny
little
village
in
the
middle
of
nowhere
-
no
,
this
was
not
my
plan
.
On
the
other
hand
,
the
Zen
masters
always
say
that
you
cannot
see
your
reflection
in
running
water
,
only
in
still
water
.
So
something
was
telling
me
it
would
be
spiritually
negligent
to
run
off
now
,
when
so
much
was
happening
right
here
in
this
small
,
cloistered
place
where
every
minute
of
the
day
is
organized
to
facilitate
self
-
exploration
and
devotional
practice
Did
I
really
need
to
get
on
a
bunch
of
trains
and
pick
up
intestinal
parasites
and
hang
around
backpackers
right
now
?
Couldn
’
t
I
do
that
later
?
Couldn
’
t
I
meet
the
Dalai
Lama
some
other
time
?
Won
’
t
the
Dalai
Lama
always
be
there
?
(
And
,
if
he
should
die
,
heaven
forbid
,
won
’
t
they
just
find
another
one
?
)
Don
’
t
I
already
have
a
passport
that
looks
like
a
tattooed
circus
lady
?
Is
more
travel
really
going
to
bring
me
any
closer
to
revelatory
contact
with
divinity
?
I
didn
’
t
know
what
to
do
.
I
spent
a
day
wavering
over
the
decision
.
As
usual
,
Richard
from
Texas
had
the
last
word
.
"
Stay
put
,
Groceries
,
"
he
said
.
"
Forget
about
sightseeing
-
you
got
the
rest
of
your
life
for
that
.
You
’
re
on
a
spiritual
journey
,
baby
.
Don
’
t
cop
out
and
only
go
halfway
to
your
potential
.
You
got
a
personal
invitation
from
God
here
-
you
really
gonna
turn
that
away
?
"
