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- Э. Л. Джеймс
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- Стр. 788/797
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“
Don
’
t
you
dare
‘
Ana
’
me
!
You
need
to
sort
your
shit
out
,
Grey
!
”
And
with
that
,
I
turn
stiffly
,
and
I
walk
out
of
the
playroom
,
closing
the
door
quietly
behind
me
.
I
clasp
the
door
handle
behind
me
and
briefly
lean
back
against
the
door
.
Where
to
go
?
Do
I
run
?
Do
I
stay
?
I
am
so
mad
,
scalding
tears
spill
down
my
cheeks
,
and
I
brush
them
furiously
aside
.
I
just
want
to
curl
up
.
Curl
up
and
recuperate
in
some
way
.
Heal
my
shattered
faith
.
How
could
I
have
been
so
stupid
?
Of
course
it
hurts
.
Tentatively
,
I
rub
my
backside
.
Aah
!
It
’
s
sore
.
Where
to
go
?
Not
his
room
.
My
room
,
or
the
room
that
will
be
mine
,
no
,
is
mine
…
was
mine
.
This
is
why
he
wanted
me
to
keep
it
.
He
knew
I
would
need
distance
from
him
.
I
launch
myself
stiffly
in
that
direction
,
conscious
that
Christian
may
follow
me
.
It
is
still
dark
in
the
bedroom
,
dawn
only
a
whisper
in
the
skyline
.
I
climb
awkwardly
into
bed
,
careful
not
to
sit
on
my
aching
and
tender
backside
.
I
keep
the
bathrobe
on
,
wrapping
it
around
me
,
and
curl
up
and
really
let
go
—
sobbing
hard
into
my
pillow
.
What
was
I
thinking
?
Why
did
I
let
him
do
that
to
me
?
I
wanted
the
dark
,
to
explore
how
bad
it
could
be
—
but
it
’
s
too
dark
for
me
.
I
cannot
do
this
.
Yet
,
this
is
what
he
does
;
this
is
how
he
gets
his
kicks
.
What
a
monumental
wake
-
up
call
.
And
to
be
fair
to
him
,
he
warned
me
and
warned
me
,
time
and
again
.
He
’
s
not
normal
.
He
has
needs
that
I
cannot
fulfill
.
I
realize
that
now
.
I
don
’
t
want
him
to
hit
me
like
that
again
,
ever
.
I
think
of
the
couple
of
times
he
has
hit
me
,
and
how
easy
he
was
on
me
by
comparison
.
Is
that
enough
for
him
?
I
sob
harder
into
the
pillow
.
I
am
going
to
lose
him
.
He
won
’
t
want
to
be
with
me
if
I
can
’
t
give
him
this
.
Why
,
why
,
why
have
I
fallen
in
love
with
Fifty
Shades
?
Why
?
Why
can
’
t
I
love
José
,
or
Paul
Clayton
,
or
someone
like
me
?
Oh
,
his
distraught
look
as
I
left
.
I
was
so
cruel
,
shocked
by
the
savagery
…
will
he
forgive
me
…
will
I
forgive
him
?
My
thoughts
are
all
haywire
and
jumbled
,
echoing
and
bouncing
off
the
inside
of
my
skull
.
My
subconscious
is
shaking
her
head
sadly
,
and
my
inner
goddess
is
nowhere
to
be
seen
.
Oh
,
this
is
a
dark
morning
of
the
soul
for
me
.
I
’
m
so
alone
.
I
want
my
mom
.
I
remember
her
parting
words
at
the
airport
:
Follow
your
heart
,
darling
,
and
please
,
please
—
try
not
to
overthink
things
.
Relax
and
enjoy
.
You
are
so
young
,
sweetheart
,
you
have
so
much
to
experience
,
just
let
it
happen
.
You
deserve
the
best
of
everything
.
