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- Э. Л. Джеймс
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- Стр. 736/797
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“
Me
,
too
.
”
Her
eyes
are
red
with
unshed
tears
as
she
releases
me
.
I
hate
leaving
her
.
I
hug
Bob
and
,
turning
,
head
to
the
gate
—
I
do
not
have
time
for
the
first
class
lounge
today
.
I
will
myself
not
to
glance
back
.
But
I
do
…
and
Bob
is
holding
my
mom
,
and
tears
are
streaming
down
her
face
.
I
can
no
longer
hold
mine
back
.
I
put
my
head
down
and
proceed
to
the
gate
,
keeping
my
eyes
on
the
shiny
white
floor
,
blurred
through
my
watery
tears
.
Once
on
board
,
in
the
luxury
of
first
class
,
I
curl
up
in
my
seat
and
try
to
compose
myself
.
It
is
always
painful
to
wrench
myself
away
from
Mom
…
she
is
scatty
,
disorganized
,
but
newly
insightful
,
and
she
loves
me
.
Unconditional
love
—
what
every
child
deserves
from
its
parents
.
I
frown
at
my
wayward
thoughts
and
,
pulling
out
my
BlackBerry
,
stare
at
it
despondently
.
What
does
Christian
know
of
love
?
Seems
he
didn
’
t
get
the
unconditional
love
he
was
entitled
to
during
his
very
early
years
.
My
heart
twists
,
and
my
mother
’
s
words
waft
like
a
zephyr
through
my
mind
:
Yes
,
Ana
.
Hell
,
what
do
you
need
?
A
neon
sign
flashing
on
his
forehead
?
She
thinks
Christian
loves
me
,
but
then
she
’
s
my
mother
,
of
course
she
’
d
think
that
.
She
thinks
I
deserve
the
best
of
everything
.
I
frown
.
It
’
s
true
,
and
in
a
moment
of
startling
clarity
,
I
see
it
.
It
’
s
very
simple
:
I
want
his
love
.
I
need
Christian
Grey
to
love
me
.
This
is
why
I
am
so
reticent
about
our
relationship
—
because
on
some
basic
,
fundamental
level
,
I
recognize
within
me
a
deep
-
seated
compulsion
to
be
loved
and
cherished
.
And
because
of
his
fifty
shades
,
I
am
holding
myself
back
.
The
BDSM
is
a
distraction
from
the
real
issue
.
The
sex
is
amazing
,
he
’
s
wealthy
,
he
’
s
beautiful
,
but
this
is
all
meaningless
without
his
love
,
and
the
real
heart
-
fail
is
that
I
don
’
t
know
if
he
’
s
capable
of
love
.
He
doesn
’
t
even
love
himself
.
I
recall
his
self
-
loathing
,
her
love
being
the
only
form
he
found
acceptable
.
Punished
—
whipped
,
beaten
,
whatever
their
relationship
entailed
—
he
feels
undeserving
of
love
.
Why
does
he
feel
like
that
?
How
can
he
feel
like
that
?
His
words
haunt
me
:
It
’
s
very
hard
to
grow
up
in
a
perfect
family
when
you
’
re
not
perfect
.
I
close
my
eyes
,
imagining
his
pain
,
and
I
can
’
t
begin
to
comprehend
it
.
I
shudder
as
I
remember
that
I
may
have
divulged
too
much
.
What
have
I
confessed
to
Christian
in
my
sleep
?
What
secrets
have
I
revealed
?
I
stare
at
the
BlackBerry
in
the
vague
hope
that
it
will
give
me
some
answers
.
Rather
unsurprisingly
,
it
is
not
very
forthcoming
.
As
we
haven
’
t
taken
off
yet
,
I
decide
to
e
-
mail
my
Fifty
Shades
.
*
*
*
