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To
keep
myself
awake
,
I
start
a
long
stream
-
of
-
consciousness
e
-
mail
to
Christian
on
my
laptop
.
*
*
*
From
:
Anastasia
Steele
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Subject
:
Do
you
like
to
scare
me
?
Date
:
May
31
2011
06
:
52
EST
To
:
Christian
Grey
You
know
how
much
I
dislike
you
spending
money
on
me
.
Yes
,
you
re
very
rich
,
but
still
it
makes
me
uncomfortable
,
like
you
re
paying
me
for
sex
.
However
,
I
like
traveling
first
class
,
it
s
so
much
more
civilized
than
coach
.
So
thank
you
.
I
mean
it
and
I
did
enjoy
the
massage
from
Jean
Paul
.
He
was
very
gay
.
I
omitted
that
bit
in
my
e
-
mail
to
you
to
wind
you
up
,
because
I
was
annoyed
with
you
,
and
I
m
sorry
about
that
.
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But
as
usual
you
overreact
.
You
can
t
write
things
like
that
to
me
bound
and
gagged
in
a
crate
.
(
Were
you
serious
or
was
it
a
joke
?
)
That
scares
me
you
scare
me
I
am
completely
caught
up
in
your
spell
,
considering
a
lifestyle
with
you
that
I
didn
t
even
know
existed
until
last
week
,
and
then
you
write
something
like
that
and
I
want
to
run
screaming
into
the
hills
.
I
won
t
,
of
course
,
because
I
d
miss
you
.
Really
miss
you
.
I
want
us
to
work
,
but
I
am
terrified
of
the
depth
of
feeling
I
have
for
you
and
the
dark
path
you
re
leading
me
down
.
What
you
are
offering
is
erotic
and
sexy
,
and
I
m
curious
,
but
I
m
also
scared
you
ll
hurt
me
physically
and
emotionally
.
After
three
months
you
could
say
good
-
bye
,
and
where
will
that
leave
me
if
you
do
?
But
then
I
suppose
that
risk
is
there
in
any
relationship
.
This
just
isn
t
the
sort
of
relationship
I
ever
envisaged
having
,
especially
as
my
first
.
It
s
a
huge
leap
of
faith
for
me
.
You
were
right
when
you
said
I
didn
t
have
a
submissive
bone
in
my
body
and
I
agree
with
you
now
.
Having
said
that
,
I
want
to
be
with
you
,
and
if
that
s
what
I
have
to
do
,
I
would
like
to
try
,
but
I
think
I
ll
suck
at
it
and
end
up
black
and
blue
and
I
don
t
relish
that
idea
at
all
.
I
am
so
happy
that
you
have
said
that
you
will
try
more
.
I
just
need
to
think
about
what
more
means
to
me
,
and
that
s
one
of
the
reasons
why
I
wanted
some
distance
.
You
dazzle
me
so
much
I
find
it
very
difficult
to
think
clearly
when
we
re
together
.