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- Э. Л. Джеймс
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“
Why
?
”
Holy
crap
.
How
did
this
suddenly
become
such
an
intense
and
meaningful
conversation
?
It
’
s
been
sprung
on
me
,
like
an
exam
that
I
’
m
not
prepared
for
.
What
do
I
say
?
Because
I
think
I
love
you
,
and
you
just
see
me
as
a
toy
.
Because
I
can
’
t
touch
you
,
because
I
’
m
too
frightened
to
show
you
any
affection
in
case
you
flinch
or
tell
me
off
or
worse
—
beat
me
?
What
can
I
say
?
I
stare
momentarily
out
of
the
window
.
The
car
is
heading
back
across
the
bridge
.
We
are
both
shrouded
in
darkness
,
masking
our
thoughts
and
feelings
,
but
we
don
’
t
need
the
night
for
that
.
“
Why
,
Anastasia
?
”
Christian
presses
me
for
an
answer
.
I
shrug
,
trapped
.
I
don
’
t
want
to
lose
him
.
In
spite
of
all
his
demands
,
his
need
to
control
,
his
scary
vices
,
I
have
never
felt
as
alive
as
I
do
now
.
It
’
s
a
thrill
to
be
sitting
here
beside
him
.
He
’
s
so
unpredictable
,
sexy
,
smart
,
and
funny
.
But
his
moods
…
oh
—
and
he
wants
to
hurt
me
.
He
says
he
’
ll
think
about
my
reservations
,
but
it
still
scares
me
.
I
close
my
eyes
.
What
can
I
say
?
Deep
down
I
would
just
like
more
,
more
affection
,
more
playful
Christian
,
more
…
love
.
He
squeezes
my
hand
.
“
Talk
to
me
,
Anastasia
.
I
don
’
t
want
to
lose
you
.
This
last
week
…
”
We
’
re
coming
near
to
the
end
of
the
bridge
,
and
the
road
is
once
more
bathed
in
the
neon
light
of
the
street
lamps
so
his
face
is
intermittently
in
the
light
and
the
dark
.
And
it
’
s
such
a
fitting
metaphor
.
This
man
,
whom
I
once
thought
of
as
a
romantic
hero
,
a
brave
shining
white
knight
—
or
the
dark
knight
,
as
he
said
.
He
’
s
not
a
hero
;
he
’
s
a
man
with
serious
,
deep
emotional
flaws
,
and
he
’
s
dragging
me
into
the
dark
.
Can
I
not
guide
him
into
the
light
?
“
I
still
want
more
,
”
I
whisper
.
