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- Э. Л. Джеймс
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- Стр. 430/797
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To
:
Christian
Grey
Because
you
never
stay
with
me
.
There
,
that
’
s
given
him
something
to
think
about
.
I
shut
the
machine
down
with
a
flourish
I
don
’
t
really
feel
and
crawl
into
my
bed
.
I
switch
off
my
sidelight
and
stare
up
at
the
ceiling
.
It
’
s
been
one
long
day
,
one
emotional
wrench
after
another
.
It
was
heartwarming
to
spend
some
time
with
Ray
.
He
looked
well
,
and
weirdly
,
he
approved
of
Christian
.
Jeez
,
Kate
and
her
gargantuan
mouth
.
Hearing
Christian
speak
about
being
hungry
.
What
the
hell
is
that
all
about
?
God
,
and
the
car
.
I
haven
’
t
even
told
Kate
about
the
new
car
.
What
was
Christian
thinking
?
And
then
this
evening
,
he
actually
hit
me
.
I
’
ve
never
been
hit
in
my
life
.
What
have
I
gotten
myself
into
?
Very
slowly
,
my
tears
,
halted
by
Kate
’
s
arrival
,
begin
to
slide
down
the
side
of
my
face
and
into
my
ears
.
I
have
fallen
for
someone
who
’
s
so
emotionally
shut
down
,
I
will
only
get
hurt
—
deep
down
I
know
this
—
someone
who
by
his
own
admission
is
completely
fucked
up
.
Why
is
he
so
fucked
up
?
It
must
be
awful
to
be
as
affected
as
he
is
,
and
the
thought
that
as
a
toddler
he
suffered
some
unbearable
cruelty
makes
me
cry
harder
.
Perhaps
if
he
was
more
normal
he
wouldn
’
t
want
you
,
my
subconscious
contributes
snidely
to
my
musings
…
and
in
my
heart
of
hearts
I
know
this
is
true
.
I
turn
into
my
pillow
and
the
sluice
gates
open
…
and
for
the
first
time
in
years
,
I
am
sobbing
uncontrollably
into
my
pillow
.
I
am
momentarily
distracted
from
my
dark
night
of
the
soul
by
Kate
shouting
.
“
What
the
fuck
do
you
think
you
’
re
doing
here
?
”
“
Well
,
you
can
’
t
!
”
“
What
the
fuck
have
you
done
to
her
now
?
”
“
Since
she
’
s
met
you
she
cries
all
the
time
.
”
“
You
can
’
t
come
in
here
!
”
