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“
Oh
,
Anastasia
,
I
think
we
can
do
better
than
this
.
”
“
What
do
you
mean
?
”
Realization
dawns
.
“
You
are
not
buying
me
a
car
.
”
He
glowers
at
me
,
his
jaw
tense
.
“
We
’
ll
see
,
”
he
says
tightly
.
He
grimaces
as
he
opens
the
driver
’
s
-
side
door
and
helps
me
in
.
I
take
my
shoes
off
and
roll
down
the
window
.
He
’
s
gazing
at
me
,
his
expression
unfathomable
,
eyes
dark
.
“
Drive
safely
,
”
he
says
quietly
.
“
Good
-
bye
,
Christian
.
”
My
voice
is
hoarse
from
unbidden
,
unshed
tears
—
jeez
,
I
’
m
not
going
to
cry
.
I
give
him
a
small
smile
.
As
I
drive
away
,
my
chest
constricts
,
my
tears
start
to
fall
,
and
I
choke
back
a
sob
.
Soon
tears
are
streaming
down
my
face
,
and
I
really
don
’
t
understand
why
I
’
m
crying
.
I
was
holding
my
own
.
He
explained
everything
.
He
was
clear
.
He
wants
me
,
but
the
truth
is
I
need
more
.
I
need
him
to
want
me
like
I
want
and
need
him
,
and
deep
down
I
know
that
’
s
not
possible
.
I
am
just
overwhelmed
.
I
don
’
t
even
know
how
to
categorize
him
.
If
I
do
this
thing
…
will
he
be
my
boyfriend
?
Will
I
be
able
to
introduce
him
to
my
friends
?
Go
out
to
bars
,
the
cinema
,
bowling
even
,
with
him
?
The
truth
is
I
don
’
t
think
I
will
.
He
won
’
t
let
me
touch
him
and
he
won
’
t
let
me
sleep
with
him
.
I
know
I
’
ve
not
had
these
things
in
my
past
,
but
I
want
them
in
my
future
.
And
that
’
s
not
the
future
he
envisages
.
What
if
I
do
say
yes
,
and
in
three
months
’
time
he
says
no
,
he
’
s
had
enough
of
trying
to
mold
me
into
something
I
’
m
not
?
How
will
I
feel
?
I
’
ll
have
emotionally
invested
three
months
,
doing
things
that
I
’
m
not
sure
I
want
to
do
.
And
if
he
then
says
no
,
agreement
over
,
how
could
I
cope
with
that
level
of
rejection
?
Perhaps
it
’
s
best
to
back
away
now
with
what
self
-
esteem
I
have
reasonably
intact
.
