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For
the
first
time
in
my
life
,
I
voluntarily
go
for
a
run
.
I
find
my
nasty
,
never
-
used
sneakers
,
some
sweatpants
,
and
a
T
-
shirt
.
I
put
my
hair
in
pigtails
,
blushing
at
the
memories
they
bring
back
,
and
I
plug
in
my
iPod
.
I
can
’
t
sit
in
front
of
that
marvel
of
technology
and
look
at
or
read
any
more
disturbing
material
.
I
need
to
expend
some
of
this
excess
,
enervating
energy
.
Quite
frankly
,
I
have
a
mind
to
run
to
the
Heathman
Hotel
and
just
demand
sex
from
the
control
freak
.
But
that
’
s
five
miles
,
and
I
don
’
t
think
I
’
ll
be
able
to
run
one
mile
,
let
alone
five
,
and
,
of
course
,
he
might
turn
me
down
,
which
would
be
beyond
humiliating
.
Kate
is
walking
from
her
car
as
I
head
out
of
the
door
.
She
nearly
drops
her
shopping
bags
when
she
sees
me
.
Ana
Steele
in
sneakers
.
I
wave
and
don
’
t
stop
for
the
inquisition
.
I
need
some
serious
alone
time
.
Snow
Patrol
blaring
in
my
ears
,
I
set
off
into
the
opal
and
aquamarine
dusk
.
I
pace
through
the
park
.
What
am
I
going
to
do
?
I
want
him
,
but
on
his
terms
?
I
just
don
’
t
know
.
Perhaps
I
should
negotiate
what
I
want
.
Go
through
that
ridiculous
contract
line
by
line
and
say
what
is
acceptable
and
what
isn
’
t
.
My
research
has
told
me
that
legally
it
’
s
unenforceable
.
He
must
know
that
.
I
figure
that
it
just
sets
up
the
parameters
of
the
relationship
.
It
illustrates
what
I
can
expect
from
him
and
what
he
expects
from
me
—
my
total
submission
.
Am
I
prepared
to
give
him
that
?
Am
I
even
capable
?
I
am
plagued
by
one
question
—
why
is
he
like
this
?
Is
it
because
he
was
seduced
at
such
a
young
age
?
I
just
don
’
t
know
.
He
’
s
still
such
a
mystery
.
I
stop
beside
a
large
spruce
and
put
my
hands
on
my
knees
,
breathing
hard
,
dragging
precious
air
into
my
lungs
.
Oh
,
this
feels
good
,
cathartic
.
I
feel
my
resolve
hardening
.
Yes
.
I
need
to
tell
him
what
’
s
okay
and
what
isn
’
t
.
I
need
to
e
-
mail
him
my
thoughts
,
and
then
we
can
discuss
these
on
Wednesday
.
I
take
a
deep
,
cleansing
breath
,
then
jog
back
to
the
apartment
.
Kate
has
been
shopping
,
as
only
she
can
,
for
clothes
for
her
vacation
to
Barbados
.
Mainly
bikinis
and
matching
sarongs
.
She
will
look
fabulous
in
all
of
them
,
yet
she
still
makes
me
sit
and
comment
while
she
tries
on
each
and
every
one
.
There
are
only
so
many
ways
one
can
say
,
“
You
look
fabulous
,
Kate
.
”
She
has
a
curvy
,
slim
figure
to
die
for
.
She
doesn
’
t
do
it
on
purpose
,
I
know
,
but
I
haul
my
sorry
,
perspiration
-
clad
ass
into
my
room
on
the
pretext
of
packing
more
boxes
.
Could
I
feel
any
more
inadequate
?
Taking
the
awesome
free
technology
with
me
,
I
set
the
laptop
up
on
my
desk
.
I
e
-
mail
Christian
.
*
*
*
From
:
Anastasia
Steele
Subject
:
Shocked
of
WSUV
Date
:
May
23
2011
20
:
33
