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- Джозеф Конрад
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- Лорд Джим
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- Стр. 60/107
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That
was
our
main
purpose
,
though
,
I
own
,
I
might
have
had
another
motive
which
had
influenced
me
a
little
.
I
was
about
to
go
home
for
a
time
;
and
it
may
be
I
desired
,
more
than
I
was
aware
of
myself
,
to
dispose
of
him
--
to
dispose
of
him
,
you
understand
--
before
I
left
.
I
was
going
home
,
and
he
had
come
to
me
from
there
,
with
his
miserable
trouble
and
his
shadowy
claim
,
like
a
man
panting
under
a
burden
in
a
mist
.
I
can
not
say
I
had
ever
seen
him
distinctly
--
not
even
to
this
day
,
after
I
had
my
last
view
of
him
;
but
it
seemed
to
me
that
the
less
I
understood
the
more
I
was
bound
to
him
in
the
name
of
that
doubt
which
is
the
inseparable
part
of
our
knowledge
.
I
did
not
know
so
much
more
about
myself
.
And
then
,
I
repeat
,
I
was
going
home
--
to
that
home
distant
enough
for
all
its
hearthstones
to
be
like
one
hearthstone
,
by
which
the
humblest
of
us
has
the
right
to
sit
.
We
wander
in
our
thousands
over
the
face
of
the
earth
,
the
illustrious
and
the
obscure
,
earning
beyond
the
seas
our
fame
,
our
money
,
or
only
a
crust
of
bread
;
but
it
seems
to
me
that
for
each
of
us
going
home
must
be
like
going
to
render
an
account
.
We
return
to
face
our
superiors
,
our
kindred
,
our
friends
--
those
whom
we
obey
,
and
those
whom
we
love
;
but
even
they
who
have
neither
,
the
most
free
,
lonely
,
irresponsible
and
bereft
of
ties
,
--
even
those
for
whom
home
holds
no
dear
face
,
no
familiar
voice
,
--
even
they
have
to
meet
the
spirit
that
dwells
within
the
land
,
under
its
sky
,
in
its
air
,
in
its
valleys
,
and
on
its
rises
,
in
its
fields
,
in
its
waters
and
its
trees
--
a
mute
friend
,
judge
,
and
inspirer
.
Say
what
you
like
,
to
get
its
joy
,
to
breathe
its
peace
,
to
face
its
truth
,
one
must
return
with
a
clear
conscience
.
All
this
may
seem
to
you
sheer
sentimentalism
;
and
indeed
very
few
of
us
have
the
will
or
the
capacity
to
look
consciously
under
the
surface
of
familiar
emotions
.
There
are
the
girls
we
love
,
the
men
we
look
up
to
,
the
tenderness
,
the
friendships
,
the
opportunities
,
the
pleasures
!
But
the
fact
remains
that
you
must
touch
your
reward
with
clean
hands
,
lest
it
turn
to
dead
leaves
,
to
thorns
,
in
your
grasp
.
I
think
it
is
the
lonely
,
without
a
fireside
or
an
affection
they
may
call
their
own
,
those
who
return
not
to
a
dwelling
but
to
the
land
itself
,
to
meet
its
disembodied
,
eternal
,
and
unchangeable
spirit
--
it
is
those
who
understand
best
its
severity
,
its
saving
power
,
the
grace
of
its
secular
right
to
our
fidelity
,
to
our
obedience
.
Yes
!
few
of
us
understand
,
but
we
all
feel
it
though
,
and
I
say
all
without
exception
,
because
those
who
do
not
feel
do
not
count
.
Each
blade
of
grass
has
its
spot
on
earth
whence
it
draws
its
life
,
its
strength
;
and
so
is
man
rooted
to
the
land
from
which
he
draws
his
faith
together
with
his
life
.
I
do
n't
know
how
much
Jim
understood
;
but
I
know
he
felt
,
he
felt
confusedly
but
powerfully
,
the
demand
of
some
such
truth
or
some
such
illusion
--
I
do
n't
care
how
you
call
it
,
there
is
so
little
difference
,
and
the
difference
means
so
little
.
The
thing
is
that
in
virtue
of
his
feeling
he
mattered
.
He
would
never
go
home
now
.
Not
he
.
Never
.
Had
he
been
capable
of
picturesque
manifestations
he
would
have
shuddered
at
the
thought
and
made
you
shudder
too
.
But
he
was
not
of
that
sort
,
though
he
was
expressive
enough
in
his
way
.
Before
the
idea
of
going
home
he
would
grow
desperately
stiff
and
immovable
,
with
lowered
chin
and
pouted
lips
,
and
with
those
candid
blue
eyes
of
his
glowering
darkly
under
a
frown
,
as
if
before
something
unbearable
,
as
if
before
something
revolting
.
There
was
imagination
in
that
hard
skull
of
his
,
over
which
the
thick
clustering
hair
fitted
like
a
cap
.
As
to
me
,
I
have
no
imagination
(
I
would
be
more
certain
about
him
today
,
if
I
had
)
,
and
I
do
not
mean
to
imply
that
I
figured
to
myself
the
spirit
of
the
land
uprising
above
the
white
cliffs
of
Dover
,
to
ask
me
what
I
--
returning
with
no
bones
broken
,
so
to
speak
--
had
done
with
my
very
young
brother
.
I
could
not
make
such
a
mistake
.
I
knew
very
well
he
was
of
those
about
whom
there
is
no
inquiry
;
I
had
seen
better
men
go
out
,
disappear
,
vanish
utterly
,
without
provoking
a
sound
of
curiosity
or
sorrow
.
The
spirit
of
the
land
,
as
becomes
the
ruler
of
great
enterprises
,
is
careless
of
innumerable
lives
.
Woe
to
the
stragglers
!
We
exist
only
in
so
far
as
we
hang
together
.
He
had
straggled
in
a
way
;
he
had
not
hung
on
;
but
he
was
aware
of
it
with
an
intensity
that
made
him
touching
,
just
as
a
man
's
more
intense
life
makes
his
death
more
touching
than
the
death
of
a
tree
.
I
happened
to
be
handy
,
and
I
happened
to
be
touched
.
That
's
all
there
is
to
it
.
I
was
concerned
as
to
the
way
he
would
go
out
.
It
would
have
hurt
me
if
,
for
instance
,
he
had
taken
to
drink
.
The
earth
is
so
small
that
I
was
afraid
of
,
some
day
,
being
waylaid
by
a
blear-eyed
,
swollen-faced
,
besmirched
loafer
,
with
no
soles
to
his
canvas
shoes
,
and
with
a
flutter
of
rags
about
the
elbows
,
who
,
on
the
strength
of
old
acquaintance
,
would
ask
for
a
loan
of
five
dollars
.
You
know
the
awful
jaunty
bearing
of
these
scarecrows
coming
to
you
from
a
decent
past
,
the
rasping
careless
voice
,
the
half-averted
impudent
glances
--
those
meetings
more
trying
to
a
man
who
believes
in
the
solidarity
of
our
lives
than
the
sight
of
an
impenitent
death-bed
to
a
priest
.
That
,
to
tell
you
the
truth
,
was
the
only
danger
I
could
see
for
him
and
for
me
;
but
I
also
mistrusted
my
want
of
imagination
.
It
might
even
come
to
something
worse
,
in
some
way
it
was
beyond
my
powers
of
fancy
to
foresee
.
He
would
n't
let
me
forget
how
imaginative
he
was
,
and
your
imaginative
people
swing
farther
in
any
direction
,
as
if
given
a
longer
scope
of
cable
in
the
uneasy
anchorage
of
life
.
They
do
.
They
take
to
drink
too
.
It
may
be
I
was
belittling
him
by
such
a
fear
.
How
could
I
tell
?
Even
Stein
could
say
no
more
than
that
he
was
romantic
.
I
only
knew
he
was
one
of
us
.
And
what
business
had
he
to
be
romantic
?
I
am
telling
you
so
much
about
my
own
instinctive
feelings
and
bemused
reflections
because
there
remains
so
little
to
be
told
of
him
.
He
existed
for
me
,
and
after
all
it
is
only
through
me
that
he
exists
for
you
.
I
've
led
him
out
by
the
hand
;
I
have
paraded
him
before
you
.
Were
my
commonplace
fears
unjust
?
I
wo
n't
say
--
not
even
now
.
You
may
be
able
to
tell
better
,
since
the
proverb
has
it
that
the
onlookers
see
most
of
the
game
.
At
any
rate
,
they
were
superfluous
.
He
did
not
go
out
,
not
at
all
;
on
the
contrary
,
he
came
on
wonderfully
,
came
on
straight
as
a
die
and
in
excellent
form
,
which
showed
that
he
could
stay
as
well
as
spurt
.
I
ought
to
be
delighted
,
for
it
is
a
victory
in
which
I
had
taken
my
part
;
but
I
am
not
so
pleased
as
I
would
have
expected
to
be
.
I
ask
myself
whether
his
rush
had
really
carried
him
out
of
that
mist
in
which
he
loomed
interesting
if
not
very
big
,
with
floating
outlines
--
a
straggler
yearning
inconsolably
for
his
humble
place
in
the
ranks
.
And
besides
,
the
last
word
is
not
said
--
probably
shall
never
be
said
.
Are
not
our
lives
too
short
for
that
full
utterance
which
through
all
our
stammerings
is
of
course
our
only
and
abiding
intention
?
I
have
given
up
expecting
those
last
words
,
whose
ring
,
if
they
could
only
be
pronounced
,
would
shake
both
heaven
and
earth
There
is
never
time
to
say
our
last
word
--
the
last
word
of
our
love
,
of
our
desire
,
faith
,
remorse
,
submission
,
revolt
.
The
heaven
and
the
earth
must
not
be
shaken
,
I
suppose
--
at
least
,
not
by
us
who
know
so
many
truths
about
either
.
My
last
words
about
Jim
shall
be
few
.
I
affirm
he
had
achieved
greatness
;
but
the
thing
would
be
dwarfed
in
the
telling
,
or
rather
in
the
hearing
.
Frankly
,
it
is
not
my
words
that
I
mistrust
,
but
your
minds
.
I
could
be
eloquent
were
I
not
afraid
you
fellows
had
starved
your
imaginations
to
feed
your
bodies
.
I
do
not
mean
to
be
offensive
;
it
is
respectable
to
have
no
illusions
--
and
safe
--
and
profitable
--
and
dull
.
Yet
you
too
in
your
time
must
have
known
the
intensity
of
life
,
that
light
of
glamour
created
in
the
shock
of
trifles
,
as
amazing
as
the
glow
of
sparks
struck
from
a
cold
stone
--
and
as
short-lived
,
alas
!
'
'
The
conquest
of
love
,
honour
,
men
's
confidence
--
the
pride
of
it
,
the
power
of
it
,
are
fit
materials
for
a
heroic
tale
;
only
our
minds
are
struck
by
the
externals
of
such
a
success
,
and
to
Jim
's
successes
there
were
no
externals
.
Thirty
miles
of
forest
shut
it
off
from
the
sight
of
an
indifferent
world
,
and
the
noise
of
the
white
surf
along
the
coast
overpowered
the
voice
of
fame
.
The
stream
of
civilisation
,
as
if
divided
on
a
headland
a
hundred
miles
north
of
Patusan
,
branches
east
and
south-east
,
leaving
its
plains
and
valleys
,
its
old
trees
and
its
old
mankind
,
neglected
and
isolated
,
such
as
an
insignificant
and
crumbling
islet
between
the
two
branches
of
a
mighty
,
devouring
stream
.
You
find
the
name
of
the
country
pretty
often
in
collections
of
old
voyages
.
The
seventeenth-century
traders
went
there
for
pepper
,
because
the
passion
for
pepper
seemed
to
burn
like
a
flame
of
love
in
the
breast
of
Dutch
and
English
adventurers
about
the
time
of
James
the
First
.
Where
would
n't
they
go
for
pepper
!
For
a
bag
of
pepper
they
would
cut
each
other
's
throats
without
hesitation
,
and
would
forswear
their
souls
,
of
which
they
were
so
careful
otherwise
:
the
bizarre
obstinacy
of
that
desire
made
them
defy
death
in
a
thousand
shapes
--
the
unknown
seas
,
the
loathsome
and
strange
diseases
;
wounds
,
captivity
,
hunger
,
pestilence
,
and
despair
.
It
made
them
great
!
By
heavens
!
it
made
them
heroic
;
and
it
made
them
pathetic
too
in
their
craving
for
trade
with
the
inflexible
death
levying
its
toll
on
young
and
old
.
It
seems
impossible
to
believe
that
mere
greed
could
hold
men
to
such
a
steadfastness
of
purpose
,
to
such
a
blind
persistence
in
endeavour
and
sacrifice
.
And
indeed
those
who
adventured
their
persons
and
lives
risked
all
they
had
for
a
slender
reward
.
They
left
their
bones
to
lie
bleaching
on
distant
shores
,
so
that
wealth
might
flow
to
the
living
at
home
.
To
us
,
their
less
tried
successors
,
they
appear
magnified
,
not
as
agents
of
trade
but
as
instruments
of
a
recorded
destiny
,
pushing
out
into
the
unknown
in
obedience
to
an
inward
voice
,
to
an
impulse
beating
in
the
blood
,
to
a
dream
of
the
future
.
They
were
wonderful
;
and
it
must
be
owned
they
were
ready
for
the
wonderful
.
They
recorded
it
complacently
in
their
sufferings
,
in
the
aspect
of
the
seas
,
in
the
customs
of
strange
nations
,
in
the
glory
of
splendid
rulers
.
'
In
Patusan
they
had
found
lots
of
pepper
,
and
had
been
impressed
by
the
magnificence
and
the
wisdom
of
the
Sultan
;
but
somehow
,
after
a
century
of
chequered
intercourse
,
the
country
seems
to
drop
gradually
out
of
the
trade
.
Perhaps
the
pepper
had
given
out
.
Be
it
as
it
may
,
nobody
cares
for
it
now
;
the
glory
has
departed
,
the
Sultan
is
an
imbecile
youth
with
two
thumbs
on
his
left
hand
and
an
uncertain
and
beggarly
revenue
extorted
from
a
miserable
population
and
stolen
from
him
by
his
many
uncles
.
'
This
of
course
I
have
from
Stein
.
He
gave
me
their
names
and
a
short
sketch
of
the
life
and
character
of
each
.
He
was
as
full
of
information
about
native
states
as
an
official
report
,
but
infinitely
more
amusing
.
