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- Джозеф Конрад
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- Лорд Джим
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- Стр. 43/107
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If
he
had
not
enlisted
my
sympathies
he
had
done
better
for
himself
--
he
had
gone
to
the
very
fount
and
origin
of
that
sentiment
he
had
reached
the
secret
sensibility
of
my
egoism
.
I
am
concealing
nothing
from
you
,
because
were
I
to
do
so
my
action
would
appear
more
unintelligible
than
any
man
's
action
has
the
right
to
be
,
and
--
in
the
second
place
--
to-morrow
you
will
forget
my
sincerity
along
with
the
other
lessons
of
the
past
.
In
this
transaction
,
to
speak
grossly
and
precisely
,
I
was
the
irreproachable
man
;
but
the
subtle
intentions
of
my
immorality
were
defeated
by
the
moral
simplicity
of
the
criminal
.
No
doubt
he
was
selfish
too
,
but
his
selfishness
had
a
higher
origin
,
a
more
lofty
aim
.
I
discovered
that
,
say
what
I
would
,
he
was
eager
to
go
through
the
ceremony
of
execution
,
and
I
did
n't
say
much
,
for
I
felt
that
in
argument
his
youth
would
tell
against
me
heavily
:
he
believed
where
I
had
already
ceased
to
doubt
.
There
was
something
fine
in
the
wildness
of
his
unexpressed
,
hardly
formulated
hope
.
"
Clear
out
!
Could
n't
think
of
it
,
"
he
said
,
with
a
shake
of
the
head
.
"
I
make
you
an
offer
for
which
I
neither
demand
nor
expect
any
sort
of
gratitude
,
"
I
said
;
"
you
shall
repay
the
money
when
convenient
,
and
...
"
"
Awfully
good
of
you
,
"
he
muttered
without
looking
up
.
I
watched
him
narrowly
:
the
future
must
have
appeared
horribly
uncertain
to
him
;
but
he
did
not
falter
,
as
though
indeed
there
had
been
nothing
wrong
with
his
heart
.
I
felt
angry
--
not
for
the
first
time
that
night
.
"
The
whole
wretched
business
,
"
I
said
,
"
is
bitter
enough
,
I
should
think
,
for
a
man
of
your
kind
...
"
"
It
is
,
it
is
,
"
he
whispered
twice
,
with
his
eyes
fixed
on
the
floor
.
It
was
heartrending
.
He
towered
above
the
light
,
and
I
could
see
the
down
on
his
cheek
,
the
colour
mantling
warm
under
the
smooth
skin
of
his
face
.
Believe
me
or
not
,
I
say
it
was
outrageously
heartrending
.
It
provoked
me
to
brutality
.
"
Yes
,
"
I
said
;
"
and
allow
me
to
confess
that
I
am
totally
unable
to
imagine
what
advantage
you
can
expect
from
this
licking
of
the
dregs
.
"
"
Advantage
!
"
he
murmured
out
of
his
stillness
.
"
I
am
dashed
if
I
do
,
"
I
said
,
enraged
.
"
I
've
been
trying
to
tell
you
all
there
is
in
it
,
"
he
went
on
slowly
,
as
if
meditating
something
unanswerable
.
"
But
after
all
,
it
is
my
trouble
.
"
I
opened
my
mouth
to
retort
,
and
discovered
suddenly
that
I
'd
lost
all
confidence
in
myself
;
and
it
was
as
if
he
too
had
given
me
up
,
for
he
mumbled
like
a
man
thinking
half
aloud
.
"
Went
away
...
went
into
hospitals
...
Not
one
of
them
would
face
it
...
They
!
...
"
He
moved
his
hand
slightly
to
imply
disdain
.
"
But
I
've
got
to
get
over
this
thing
,
and
I
must
n't
shirk
any
of
it
or
...
I
wo
n't
shirk
any
of
it
.
"
He
was
silent
.
He
gazed
as
though
he
had
been
haunted
.
His
unconscious
face
reflected
the
passing
expressions
of
scorn
,
of
despair
,
of
resolution
--
reflected
them
in
turn
,
as
a
magic
mirror
would
reflect
the
gliding
passage
of
unearthly
shapes
.
He
lived
surrounded
by
deceitful
ghosts
,
by
austere
shades
.
"
Oh
!
nonsense
,
my
dear
fellow
,
"
I
began
.
He
had
a
movement
of
impatience
.
"
You
do
n't
seem
to
understand
,
"
he
said
incisively
;
then
looking
at
me
without
a
wink
,
"
I
may
have
jumped
,
but
I
do
n't
run
away
.
"
"
I
meant
no
offence
,
"
I
said
;
and
added
stupidly
,
"
Better
men
than
you
have
found
it
expedient
to
run
,
at
times
.
"
He
coloured
all
over
,
while
in
my
confusion
I
half-choked
myself
with
my
own
tongue
.
"
Perhaps
so
,
"
he
said
at
last
,
"
I
am
not
good
enough
;
I
ca
n't
afford
it
.
I
am
bound
to
fight
this
thing
down
--
I
am
fighting
it
now
.
"
I
got
out
of
my
chair
and
felt
stiff
all
over
.
The
silence
was
embarrassing
,
and
to
put
an
end
to
it
I
imagined
nothing
better
but
to
remark
,
"
I
had
no
idea
it
was
so
late
,
"
in
an
airy
tone
...
"
I
dare
say
you
have
had
enough
of
this
,
"
he
said
brusquely
:
"
and
to
tell
you
the
truth
"
--
he
began
to
look
round
for
his
hat
--
"
so
have
I.
"
'
Well
!
he
had
refused
this
unique
offer
.
He
had
struck
aside
my
helping
hand
;
he
was
ready
to
go
now
,
and
beyond
the
balustrade
the
night
seemed
to
wait
for
him
very
still
,
as
though
he
had
been
marked
down
for
its
prey
.
I
heard
his
voice
.
"
Ah
!
here
it
is
.
"
He
had
found
his
hat
.
For
a
few
seconds
we
hung
in
the
wind
.
"
What
will
you
do
after
--
after
...
"
I
asked
very
low
.
"
Go
to
the
dogs
as
likely
as
not
,
"
he
answered
in
a
gruff
mutter
.
I
had
recovered
my
wits
in
a
measure
,
and
judged
best
to
take
it
lightly
.
"
Pray
remember
,
"
I
said
,
"
that
I
should
like
very
much
to
see
you
again
before
you
go
.
"
"
I
do
n't
know
what
's
to
prevent
you
The
damned
thing
wo
n't
make
me
invisible
,
"
he
said
with
intense
bitterness
,
--
"
no
such
luck
.
"
And
then
at
the
moment
of
taking
leave
he
treated
me
to
a
ghastly
muddle
of
dubious
stammers
and
movements
,
to
an
awful
display
of
hesitations
.
God
forgive
him
--
me
!
He
had
taken
it
into
his
fanciful
head
that
I
was
likely
to
make
some
difficulty
as
to
shaking
hands
.
It
was
too
awful
for
words
.
I
believe
I
shouted
suddenly
at
him
as
you
would
bellow
to
a
man
you
saw
about
to
walk
over
a
cliff
;
I
remember
our
voices
being
raised
,
the
appearance
of
a
miserable
grin
on
his
face
,
a
crushing
clutch
on
my
hand
,
a
nervous
laugh
.
The
candle
spluttered
out
,
and
the
thing
was
over
at
last
,
with
a
groan
that
floated
up
to
me
in
the
dark
.
He
got
himself
away
somehow
.
The
night
swallowed
his
form
.
He
was
a
horrible
bungler
.
Horrible
.
I
heard
the
quick
crunch-crunch
of
the
gravel
under
his
boots
.
He
was
running
.
Absolutely
running
,
with
nowhere
to
go
to
.
And
he
was
not
yet
four-and-twenty
.
'
'
Islept
little
,
hurried
over
my
breakfast
,
and
after
a
slight
hesitation
gave
up
my
early
morning
visit
to
my
ship
.
It
was
really
very
wrong
of
me
,
because
,
though
my
chief
mate
was
an
excellent
man
all
round
,
he
was
the
victim
of
such
black
imaginings
that
if
he
did
not
get
a
letter
from
his
wife
at
the
expected
time
he
would
go
quite
distracted
with
rage
and
jealousy
,
lose
all
grip
on
the
work
,
quarrel
with
all
hands
,
and
either
weep
in
his
cabin
or
develop
such
a
ferocity
of
temper
as
all
but
drove
the
crew
to
the
verge
of
mutiny
.
The
thing
had
always
seemed
inexplicable
to
me
:
they
had
been
married
thirteen
years
;
I
had
a
glimpse
of
her
once
,
and
,
honestly
,
I
could
n't
conceive
a
man
abandoned
enough
to
plunge
into
sin
for
the
sake
of
such
an
unattractive
person
.
I
do
n't
know
whether
I
have
not
done
wrong
by
refraining
from
putting
that
view
before
poor
Selvin
:
the
man
made
a
little
hell
on
earth
for
himself
,
and
I
also
suffered
indirectly
,
but
some
sort
of
,
no
doubt
,
false
delicacy
prevented
me
.
The
marital
relations
of
seamen
would
make
an
interesting
subject
,
and
I
could
tell
you
instances
...
However
,
this
is
not
the
place
,
nor
the
time
,
and
we
are
concerned
with
Jim
--
who
was
unmarried
.
If
his
imaginative
conscience
or
his
pride
;
if
all
the
extravagant
ghosts
and
austere
shades
that
were
the
disastrous
familiars
of
his
youth
would
not
let
him
run
away
from
the
block
,
I
,
who
of
course
ca
n't
be
suspected
of
such
familiars
,
was
irresistibly
impelled
to
go
and
see
his
head
roll
off
.
I
wended
my
way
towards
the
court
.
I
did
n't
hope
to
be
very
much
impressed
or
edified
,
or
interested
or
even
frightened
--
though
,
as
long
as
there
is
any
life
before
one
,
a
jolly
good
fright
now
and
then
is
a
salutary
discipline
.
But
neither
did
I
expect
to
be
so
awfully
depressed
.
The
bitterness
of
his
punishment
was
in
its
chill
and
mean
atmosphere
.
The
real
significance
of
crime
is
in
its
being
a
breach
of
faith
with
the
community
of
mankind
,
and
from
that
point
of
view
he
was
no
mean
traitor
,
but
his
execution
was
a
hole-and-corner
affair
.
There
was
no
high
scaffolding
,
no
scarlet
cloth
(
did
they
have
scarlet
cloth
on
Tower
Hill
?
They
should
have
had
)
,
no
awe-stricken
multitude
to
be
horrified
at
his
guilt
and
be
moved
to
tears
at
his
fate
--
no
air
of
sombre
retribution
.
There
was
,
as
I
walked
along
,
the
clear
sunshine
,
a
brilliance
too
passionate
to
be
consoling
,
the
streets
full
of
jumbled
bits
of
colour
like
a
damaged
kaleidoscope
:
yellow
,
green
,
blue
,
dazzling
white
,
the
brown
nudity
of
an
undraped
shoulder
,
a
bullock-cart
with
a
red
canopy
,
a
company
of
native
infantry
in
a
drab
body
with
dark
heads
marching
in
dusty
laced
boots
,
a
native
policeman
in
a
sombre
uniform
of
scanty
cut
and
belted
in
patent
leather
,
who
looked
up
at
me
with
orientally
pitiful
eyes
as
though
his
migrating
spirit
were
suffering
exceedingly
from
that
unforeseen
--
what
d'ye
call
'
em
?
--
avatar
--
incarnation
.
Under
the
shade
of
a
lonely
tree
in
the
courtyard
,
the
villagers
connected
with
the
assault
case
sat
in
a
picturesque
group
,
looking
like
a
chromo-lithograph
of
a
camp
in
a
book
of
Eastern
travel
.
One
missed
the
obligatory
thread
of
smoke
in
the
foreground
and
the
pack-animals
grazing
.
A
blank
yellow
wall
rose
behind
overtopping
the
tree
,
reflecting
the
glare
.
The
court-room
was
sombre
,
seemed
more
vast
.
High
up
in
the
dim
space
the
punkahs
were
swaying
short
to
and
fro
,
to
and
fro
.
Here
and
there
a
draped
figure
,
dwarfed
by
the
bare
walls
,
remained
without
stirring
amongst
the
rows
of
empty
benches
,
as
if
absorbed
in
pious
meditation
.
The
plaintiff
,
who
had
been
beaten
,
--
an
obese
chocolate-coloured
man
with
shaved
head
,
one
fat
breast
bare
and
a
bright
yellow
caste-mark
above
the
bridge
of
his
nose
,
--
sat
in
pompous
immobility
:
only
his
eyes
glittered
,
rolling
in
the
gloom
,
and
the
nostrils
dilated
and
collapsed
violently
as
he
breathed
.
Brierly
dropped
into
his
seat
looking
done
up
,
as
though
he
had
spent
the
night
in
sprinting
on
a
cinder-track
.
The
pious
sailing-ship
skipper
appeared
excited
and
made
uneasy
movements
,
as
if
restraining
with
difficulty
an
impulse
to
stand
up
and
exhort
us
earnestly
to
prayer
and
repentance
.
The
head
of
the
magistrate
,
delicately
pale
under
the
neatly
arranged
hair
,
resembled
the
head
of
a
hopeless
invalid
after
he
had
been
washed
and
brushed
and
propped
up
in
bed
.
He
moved
aside
the
vase
of
flowers
--
a
bunch
of
purple
with
a
few
pink
blossoms
on
long
stalks
--
and
seizing
in
both
hands
a
long
sheet
of
bluish
paper
,
ran
his
eye
over
it
,
propped
his
forearms
on
the
edge
of
the
desk
,
and
began
to
read
aloud
in
an
even
,
distinct
,
and
careless
voice
.
'
By
Jove
!
For
all
my
foolishness
about
scaffolds
and
heads
rolling
off
--
I
assure
you
it
was
infinitely
worse
than
a
beheading
.
A
heavy
sense
of
finality
brooded
over
all
this
,
unrelieved
by
the
hope
of
rest
and
safety
following
the
fall
of
the
axe
.
These
proceedings
had
all
the
cold
vengefulness
of
a
death-sentence
,
and
the
cruelty
of
a
sentence
of
exile
.
This
is
how
I
looked
at
it
that
morning
--
and
even
now
I
seem
to
see
an
undeniable
vestige
of
truth
in
that
exaggerated
view
of
a
common
occurrence
.
You
may
imagine
how
strongly
I
felt
this
at
the
time
.
Perhaps
it
is
for
that
reason
that
I
could
not
bring
myself
to
admit
the
finality
.
The
thing
was
always
with
me
,
I
was
always
eager
to
take
opinion
on
it
,
as
though
it
had
not
been
practically
settled
:
individual
opinion
--
international
opinion
--
by
Jove
!
That
Frenchman
's
,
for
instance
.
His
own
country
's
pronouncement
was
uttered
in
the
passionless
and
definite
phraseology
a
machine
would
use
,
if
machines
could
speak
.
The
head
of
the
magistrate
was
half
hidden
by
the
paper
,
his
brow
was
like
alabaster
.
'
There
were
several
questions
before
the
court
.
The
first
as
to
whether
the
ship
was
in
every
respect
fit
and
seaworthy
for
the
voyage
.
The
court
found
she
was
not
.
The
next
point
,
I
remember
,
was
,
whether
up
to
the
time
of
the
accident
the
ship
had
been
navigated
with
proper
and
seamanlike
care
.
They
said
Yes
to
that
,
goodness
knows
why
,
and
then
they
declared
that
there
was
no
evidence
to
show
the
exact
cause
of
the
accident
.
A
floating
derelict
probably
.
