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- Джозеф Конрад
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- Стр. 14/38
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It
was
the
first
particular
order
I
had
given
on
board
that
ship
;
and
I
stayed
on
deck
to
see
it
executed
,
too
.
I
had
felt
the
need
of
asserting
myself
without
loss
of
time
.
That
sneering
young
cub
got
taken
down
a
peg
or
two
on
that
occasion
,
and
I
also
seized
the
opportunity
of
having
a
good
look
at
the
face
of
every
foremast
man
as
they
filed
past
me
to
go
to
the
after
braces
.
At
breakfast
time
,
eating
nothing
myself
,
I
presided
with
such
frigid
dignity
that
the
two
mates
were
only
too
glad
to
escape
from
the
cabin
as
soon
as
decency
permitted
;
and
all
the
time
the
dual
working
of
my
mind
distracted
me
almost
to
the
point
of
insanity
.
I
was
constantly
watching
myself
,
my
secret
self
,
as
dependent
on
my
actions
as
my
own
personality
,
sleeping
in
that
bed
,
behind
that
door
which
faced
me
as
I
sat
at
the
head
of
the
table
.
It
was
very
much
like
being
mad
,
only
it
was
worse
because
one
was
aware
of
it
.
I
had
to
shake
him
for
a
solid
minute
,
but
when
at
last
he
opened
his
eyes
it
was
in
the
full
possession
of
his
senses
,
with
an
inquiring
look
.
“
All
’
s
well
so
far
,
”
I
whispered
.
“
Now
you
must
vanish
into
the
bathroom
.
”
He
did
so
,
as
noiseless
as
a
ghost
,
and
then
I
rang
for
the
steward
,
and
facing
him
boldly
,
directed
him
to
tidy
up
my
stateroom
while
I
was
having
my
bath
—
“
and
be
quick
about
it
.
”
As
my
tone
admitted
of
no
excuses
,
he
said
,
“
Yes
,
sir
,
”
and
ran
off
to
fetch
his
dustpan
and
brushes
.
I
took
a
bath
and
did
most
of
my
dressing
,
splashing
,
and
whistling
softly
for
the
steward
’
s
edification
,
while
the
secret
sharer
of
my
life
stood
drawn
up
bolt
upright
in
that
little
space
,
his
face
looking
very
sunken
in
daylight
,
his
eyelids
lowered
under
the
stern
,
dark
line
of
his
eyebrows
drawn
together
by
a
slight
frown
.
When
I
left
him
there
to
go
back
to
my
room
the
steward
was
finishing
dusting
.
I
sent
for
the
mate
and
engaged
him
in
some
insignificant
conversation
.
It
was
,
as
it
were
,
trifling
with
the
terrific
character
of
his
whiskers
;
but
my
object
was
to
give
him
an
opportunity
for
a
good
look
at
my
cabin
.
And
then
I
could
at
last
shut
,
with
a
clear
conscience
,
the
door
of
my
stateroom
and
get
my
double
back
into
the
recessed
part
.
There
was
nothing
else
for
it
.
He
had
to
sit
still
on
a
small
folding
stool
,
half
smothered
by
the
heavy
coats
hanging
there
.
We
listened
to
the
steward
going
into
the
bathroom
out
of
the
saloon
,
filling
the
water
bottles
there
,
scrubbing
the
bath
,
setting
things
to
rights
,
whisk
,
bang
,
clatter
—
out
again
into
the
saloon
—
turn
the
key
—
click
.
Such
was
my
scheme
for
keeping
my
second
self
invisible
.
Nothing
better
could
be
contrived
under
the
circumstances
.
And
there
we
sat
;
I
at
my
writing
desk
ready
to
appear
busy
with
some
papers
,
he
behind
me
out
of
sight
of
the
door
.
It
would
not
have
been
prudent
to
talk
in
daytime
;
and
I
could
not
have
stood
the
excitement
of
that
queer
sense
of
whispering
to
myself
.
Now
and
then
,
glancing
over
my
shoulder
,
I
saw
him
far
back
there
,
sitting
rigidly
on
the
low
stool
,
his
bare
feet
close
together
,
his
arms
folded
,
his
head
hanging
on
his
breast
—
and
perfectly
still
.
Anybody
would
have
taken
him
for
me
.
I
was
fascinated
by
it
myself
.
Every
moment
I
had
to
glance
over
my
shoulder
.
I
was
looking
at
him
when
a
voice
outside
the
door
said
:
“
Beg
pardon
,
sir
.
”
“
Well
!
.
.
”
I
kept
my
eyes
on
him
,
and
so
when
the
voice
outside
the
door
announced
,
“
There
’
s
a
ship
’
s
boat
coming
our
way
,
sir
,
”
I
saw
him
give
a
start
—
the
first
movement
he
had
made
for
hours
.
But
he
did
not
raise
his
bowed
head
.
