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- Джозеф Хеллер
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- Уловка 22
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- Стр. 97/452
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He
was
often
tempted
to
join
Major
—
—
de
Coverley
,
but
pitching
horseshoes
all
day
long
seemed
almost
as
dull
as
signing
"
Major
Major
Major
"
to
official
documents
,
and
Major
—
—
deCoverley
’
s
countenance
was
so
forbidding
that
Major
Major
was
in
awe
of
approaching
him
.
Major
Major
wondered
about
his
relationship
to
Major
—
—
de
Coverley
and
about
Major
—
—
de
Coverley
’
s
relationship
to
him
.
He
knew
that
Major
—
—
de
Coverley
was
his
executive
officer
,
but
he
did
not
know
what
that
meant
,
and
he
could
not
decide
whether
in
Major
—
—
de
Coverley
he
was
blessed
with
a
lenient
superior
or
cursed
with
a
delinquent
subordinate
.
He
did
not
want
to
ask
Sergeant
Towser
,
of
whom
he
was
secretly
afraid
,
and
there
was
no
one
else
he
could
ask
,
least
of
all
Major
—
—
de
Coverley
.
Few
people
ever
dared
approach
Major
—
—
de
Coverley
about
anything
and
the
only
officer
foolish
enough
to
pitch
one
of
his
horseshoes
was
stricken
the
very
next
day
with
the
worst
case
of
Pianosan
crud
that
Gus
or
Wes
or
even
Doc
Daneeka
had
ever
seen
or
even
heard
about
.
Everyone
was
positive
the
disease
had
been
inflicted
upon
the
poor
officer
in
retribution
by
Major
—
—
de
Coverley
,
although
no
one
was
sure
how
.
Most
of
the
official
documents
that
came
to
Major
Major
’
s
desk
did
not
concern
him
at
all
.
The
vast
majority
consisted
of
allusions
to
prior
communications
which
Major
Major
had
never
seen
or
heard
of
.
There
was
never
any
need
to
look
them
up
,
for
the
instructions
were
invariably
to
disregard
.
In
the
space
of
a
single
productive
minute
,
therefore
,
he
might
endorse
twenty
separate
documents
each
advising
him
to
pay
absolutely
no
attention
to
any
of
the
others
.
From
General
Peckem
’
s
office
on
the
mainland
came
prolix
bulletins
each
day
headed
by
such
cheery
homilies
as
"
Procrastination
Is
the
Thief
of
Time
"
and
"
Cleanliness
Is
Next
to
Godliness
.
"
General
Peckem
’
s
communications
about
cleanliness
and
procrastination
made
Major
Major
feel
like
a
filthy
procrastinator
,
and
he
always
got
those
out
of
the
way
as
quickly
as
he
could
.
The
only
official
documents
that
interested
him
were
those
occasional
ones
pertaining
to
the
unfortunate
second
lieutenant
who
had
been
killed
on
the
mission
over
Orvieto
less
than
two
hours
after
he
arrived
on
Pianosa
and
whose
partly
unpacked
belongings
were
still
in
Yossarian
’
s
tent
.
Since
the
unfortunate
lieutenant
had
reported
to
the
operations
tent
instead
of
to
the
orderly
room
,
Sergeant
Towser
had
decided
that
it
would
be
safest
to
report
him
as
never
having
reported
to
the
squadron
at
all
,
and
the
occasional
documents
relating
to
him
dealt
with
the
fact
that
he
seemed
to
have
vanished
into
thin
air
,
which
,
in
one
way
,
was
exactly
what
did
happen
to
him
.
In
the
long
run
,
Major
Major
was
grateful
for
the
official
documents
that
came
to
his
desk
,
for
sitting
in
his
office
signing
them
all
day
long
was
a
lot
better
than
sitting
in
his
office
all
day
long
not
signing
them
.
They
gave
him
something
to
do
.
Inevitably
,
every
document
he
signed
came
back
with
a
fresh
page
added
for
a
new
signature
by
him
after
intervals
of
from
two
to
ten
days
.
They
were
always
much
thicker
than
formerly
,
for
in
between
the
sheet
bearing
his
last
endorsement
and
the
sheet
added
for
his
new
endorsement
were
the
sheets
bearing
the
most
recent
endorsements
of
all
the
other
officers
in
scattered
locations
who
were
also
occupied
in
signing
their
names
to
that
same
official
document
.
Major
Major
grew
despondent
as
he
watched
simple
communications
swell
prodigiously
into
huge
manuscripts
.
No
matter
how
many
times
he
signed
one
,
it
always
came
back
for
still
another
signature
,
and
he
began
to
despair
of
ever
being
free
of
any
of
them
.
One
day
—
it
was
the
day
after
the
C
.
I
.
D
.
man
’
s
first
visit
—
Major
Major
signed
Washington
Irving
’
s
name
to
one
of
the
documents
instead
of
his
own
,
just
to
see
how
it
would
feel
.
He
liked
it
.
He
liked
it
so
much
that
for
the
rest
of
that
afternoon
he
did
the
same
with
all
the
official
documents
.
It
was
an
act
of
impulsive
frivolity
and
rebellion
for
which
he
knew
afterward
he
would
be
punished
severely
.
The
next
morning
he
entered
his
office
in
trepidation
and
waited
to
see
what
would
happen
.
Nothing
happened
.
He
had
sinned
,
and
it
was
good
,
for
none
of
the
documents
to
which
he
had
signed
Washington
Irving
’
s
name
ever
came
back
!
Here
,
at
last
,
was
progress
,
and
Major
Major
threw
himself
into
his
new
career
with
uninhibited
gusto
.
Signing
Washington
Irving
’
s
name
to
official
documents
was
not
much
of
a
career
,
perhaps
,
but
it
was
less
monotonous
than
signing
"
Major
Major
Major
.
"
When
Washington
Irving
did
grow
monotonous
,
he
could
reverse
the
order
and
sign
Irving
Washington
until
that
grew
monotonous
.
And
he
was
getting
something
done
,
for
none
of
the
documents
signed
with
either
of
these
names
ever
came
back
to
the
squadron
.
What
did
come
back
,
eventually
,
was
a
second
C
.
I
.
D
.
man
,
masquerading
as
a
pilot
.
The
men
knew
he
was
a
C
.
I
.
D
.
man
because
he
confided
to
them
he
was
and
urged
each
of
them
not
to
reveal
his
true
identity
to
any
of
the
other
men
to
whom
he
had
already
confided
that
he
was
a
C
.
I
.
D
.
man
.
"
You
’
re
the
only
one
in
the
squadron
who
knows
I
’
m
a
C
.
I
.
D
.
man
,
"
he
confided
to
Major
Major
,
"
and
it
’
s
absolutely
essential
that
it
remain
a
secret
so
that
my
efficiency
won
’
t
be
impaired
.
Do
you
understand
?
"
