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- Джозеф Хеллер
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- Уловка 22
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- Стр. 349/452
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"
What
in
the
world
are
Wisconsin
shingles
?
"
asked
Yossarian
.
"
That
’
s
just
what
the
doctors
wanted
to
know
!
"
blurted
out
the
chaplain
proudly
,
and
burst
into
laughter
.
No
one
had
ever
seen
him
so
waggish
,
or
so
happy
.
"
There
’
s
no
such
thing
as
Wisconsin
shingles
.
Don
’
t
you
understand
?
I
lied
.
I
made
a
deal
with
the
doctors
.
I
promised
that
I
would
let
them
know
when
my
Wisconsin
shingles
went
away
if
they
would
promise
not
to
do
anything
to
cure
them
.
I
never
told
a
lie
before
.
Isn
’
t
it
wonderful
?
"
The
chaplain
had
sinned
,
and
it
was
good
.
Common
sense
told
him
that
telling
lies
and
defecting
from
duty
were
sins
.
On
the
other
hand
,
everyone
knew
that
sin
was
evil
,
and
that
no
good
could
come
from
evil
.
But
he
did
feel
good
;
he
felt
positively
marvelous
.
Consequently
,
it
followed
logically
that
telling
lies
and
defecting
from
duty
could
not
be
sins
.
The
chaplain
had
mastered
,
in
a
moment
of
divine
intuition
,
the
handy
technique
of
protective
rationalization
,
and
he
was
exhilarated
by
his
discovery
.
It
was
miraculous
.
It
was
almost
no
trick
at
all
,
he
saw
,
to
turn
vice
into
virtue
and
slander
into
truth
,
impotence
into
abstinence
,
arrogance
into
humility
,
plunder
into
philanthropy
,
thievery
into
honor
,
blasphemy
into
wisdom
,
brutality
into
patriotism
,
and
sadism
into
justice
.
Anybody
could
do
it
;
it
required
no
brains
at
all
.
It
merely
required
no
character
.
With
effervescent
agility
the
chaplain
ran
through
the
whole
gamut
of
orthodox
immoralities
,
while
Nately
sat
up
in
bed
with
flushed
elation
,
astounded
by
the
mad
gang
of
companions
of
which
he
found
himself
the
nucleus
.
He
was
flattered
and
apprehensive
,
certain
that
some
severe
official
would
soon
appear
and
throw
the
whole
lot
of
them
out
like
a
pack
of
bums
.
No
one
bothered
them
.
In
the
evening
they
all
trooped
exuberantly
out
to
see
a
lousy
Hollywood
extravaganza
in
Technicolor
,
and
when
they
trooped
exuberantly
back
in
after
the
lousy
Hollywood
extravaganza
,
the
soldier
in
white
was
there
,
and
Dunbar
screamed
and
went
to
pieces
.
"
He
’
s
back
!
"
Dunbar
screamed
.
"
He
’
s
back
!
He
’
s
back
!
"
Yossarian
froze
in
his
tracks
,
paralyzed
as
much
by
the
eerie
shrillness
in
Dunbar
’
s
voice
as
by
the
familiar
,
white
,
morbid
sight
of
the
soldier
in
white
covered
from
head
to
toe
in
plaster
and
gauze
.
A
strange
,
quavering
,
involuntary
noise
came
bubbling
from
Yossarian
’
s
throat
.
"
He
’
s
back
!
"
Dunbar
screamed
again
.
"
He
’
s
back
!
"
a
patient
delirious
with
fever
echoed
in
automatic
terror
.
All
at
once
the
ward
erupted
into
bedlam
.
Mobs
of
sick
and
injured
men
began
ranting
incoherently
and
running
and
jumping
in
the
aisle
as
though
the
building
were
on
fire
.
A
patient
with
one
foot
and
one
crutch
was
hopping
back
and
forth
swiftly
in
panic
crying
,
"
What
is
it
?
What
is
it
?
Are
we
burning
?
Are
we
burning
?
"
"
He
’
s
back
!
"
someone
shouted
at
him
.
"
Didn
’
t
you
hear
him
?
He
’
s
back
!
He
’
s
back
!
"
"
Who
’
s
back
?
"
shouted
someone
else
.
"
Who
is
it
?
"
