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- Джозеф Хеллер
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- Уловка 22
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- Стр. 314/452
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"
What
’
s
so
different
about
this
Sunday
,
I
want
to
know
?
"
Hungry
Joe
was
demanding
vociferously
of
Chief
White
Halfoat
.
"
Why
won
’
t
we
have
a
parade
this
Sunday
when
we
don
’
t
have
a
parade
every
Sunday
?
Huh
?
"
Yossarian
worked
his
way
through
to
the
front
and
let
out
a
long
,
agonized
groan
when
he
read
the
terse
announcement
there
:
Due
to
circumstances
beyond
my
control
,
there
will
be
no
big
parade
this
Sunday
afternoon
.
Colonel
Scheisskopf
Dobbs
was
right
.
They
were
indeed
sending
everyone
overseas
,
even
Lieutenant
Scheisskopf
,
who
had
resisted
the
move
with
all
the
vigor
and
wisdom
at
his
command
and
who
reported
for
duty
at
General
Peckem
’
s
office
in
a
mood
of
grave
discontent
.
General
Peckem
welcomed
Colonel
Scheisskopf
with
effusive
charm
and
said
he
was
delighted
to
have
him
.
An
additional
colonel
on
his
staff
meant
that
he
could
now
begin
agitating
for
two
additional
majors
,
four
additional
captains
,
sixteen
additional
lieutenants
and
untold
quantities
of
additional
enlisted
men
,
typewriters
,
desks
,
filing
cabinets
,
automobiles
and
other
substantial
equipment
and
supplies
that
would
contribute
to
the
prestige
of
his
position
and
increase
his
striking
power
in
the
war
he
had
declared
against
General
Dreedle
.
He
now
had
two
full
colonels
;
General
Dreedle
had
only
five
,
and
four
of
those
were
combat
commanders
.
With
almost
no
intriguing
at
all
,
General
Peckem
had
executed
a
maneuver
that
would
eventually
double
his
strength
.
And
General
Dreedle
was
getting
drunk
more
often
.
The
future
looked
wonderful
,
and
General
Peckem
contemplated
his
bright
new
colonel
enchantedly
with
an
effulgent
smile
.
In
all
matters
of
consequence
,
General
P
.
P
.
Peckem
was
,
as
he
always
remarked
when
he
was
about
to
criticize
the
work
of
some
close
associate
publicly
,
a
realist
.
He
was
a
handsome
,
pink
-
skinned
man
of
fifty
-
three
.
His
manner
was
always
casual
and
relaxed
,
and
his
uniforms
were
custom
-
made
.
He
had
silver
-
gray
hair
,
slightly
myopic
eyes
and
thin
,
overhanging
,
sensual
lips
.
He
was
a
perceptive
,
graceful
,
sophisticated
man
who
was
sensitive
to
everyone
’
s
weaknesses
but
his
own
and
found
everyone
absurd
but
himself
.
General
Peckem
laid
great
,
fastidious
stress
on
small
matters
of
taste
and
style
.
He
was
always
augmenting
things
.
Approaching
events
were
never
coming
,
but
always
upcoming
.
It
was
not
true
that
he
wrote
memorandums
praising
himself
and
recommending
that
his
authority
be
enhanced
to
include
all
combat
operations
;
he
wrote
memoranda
.
And
the
prose
in
the
memoranda
of
other
officers
was
always
turgid
,
stilted
,
or
ambiguous
.
The
errors
of
others
were
inevitably
deplorable
.
Regulations
were
stringent
,
and
his
data
never
was
obtained
from
a
reliable
source
,
but
always
were
obtained
.
General
Peckem
was
frequently
constrained
.
Things
were
often
incumbent
upon
him
,
and
he
frequently
acted
with
greatest
reluctance
.
It
never
escaped
his
memory
that
neither
black
nor
white
was
a
color
,
and
he
never
used
verbal
when
he
meant
oral
.
He
could
quote
glibly
from
Plato
,
Nietzsche
,
Montaigne
,
Theodore
Roosevelt
,
the
Marquis
de
Sade
and
Warren
G
.
Harding
.
A
virgin
audience
like
Colonel
Scheisskopf
was
grist
for
General
Peckem
’
s
mill
,
a
stimulating
opportunity
to
throw
open
his
whole
dazzling
erudite
treasure
house
of
puns
,
wisecracks
,
slanders
,
homilies
,
anecdotes
,
proverbs
,
epigrams
,
apophthegms
,
bon
mots
and
other
pungent
sayings
.
He
beamed
urbanely
as
he
began
orienting
Colonel
Scheisskopf
to
his
new
surroundings
.
"
My
only
fault
,
"
he
observed
with
practiced
good
humor
,
watching
for
the
effect
of
his
words
,
"
is
that
I
have
no
faults
.
"
Colonel
Scheisskopf
didn
’
t
laugh
,
and
General
Peckem
was
stunned
.
A
heavy
doubt
crushed
his
enthusiasm
.
He
had
just
opened
with
one
of
his
most
trusted
paradoxes
,
and
he
was
positively
alarmed
that
not
the
slightest
flicker
of
acknowledgment
had
moved
across
that
impervious
face
,
which
began
to
remind
him
suddenly
,
in
hue
and
texture
,
of
an
unused
soap
eraser
.
Perhaps
Colonel
Scheisskopf
was
tired
,
General
Peckem
granted
to
himself
charitably
;
he
had
come
a
long
way
,
and
everything
was
unfamiliar
.
General
Peckem
’
s
attitude
toward
all
the
personnel
in
his
command
,
officers
and
enlisted
men
,
was
marked
by
the
same
easy
spirit
of
tolerance
and
permissiveness
.
He
mentioned
often
that
if
the
people
who
worked
for
him
met
him
halfway
,
he
would
meet
them
more
than
halfway
,
with
the
result
,
as
he
always
added
with
an
astute
chuckle
,
that
there
was
never
any
meeting
of
the
minds
at
all
.
General
Peckem
thought
of
himself
as
aesthetic
and
intellectual
.
When
people
disagreed
with
him
,
he
urged
them
to
be
objective
.
And
it
was
indeed
an
objective
Peckem
who
gazed
at
Colonel
Scheisskopf
encouragingly
and
resumed
his
indoctrination
with
an
attitude
of
magnanimous
forgiveness
.
"
You
’
ve
come
to
us
just
in
time
,
Scheisskopf
.
The
summer
offensive
has
petered
out
,
thanks
to
the
incompetent
leadership
with
which
we
supply
our
troops
,
and
I
have
a
crying
need
for
a
tough
,
experienced
,
competent
officer
like
you
to
help
produce
the
memoranda
upon
which
we
rely
so
heavily
to
let
people
know
how
good
we
are
and
how
much
work
we
’
re
turning
out
.
I
hope
you
are
a
prolific
writer
.
"
