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- Джозеф Хеллер
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- Уловка 22
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- Стр. 267/452
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The
chaplain
was
sincerely
a
very
helpful
person
who
was
never
able
to
help
anyone
,
not
even
Yossarian
when
he
finally
decided
to
seize
the
bull
by
the
horns
and
visit
Major
Major
secretly
to
learn
if
,
as
Yossarian
had
said
,
the
men
in
Colonel
Cathcart
’
s
group
really
were
being
forced
to
fly
more
combat
missions
than
anyone
else
.
It
was
a
daring
,
impulsive
move
on
which
the
chaplain
decided
after
quarreling
with
Corporal
Whitcomb
again
and
washing
down
with
tepid
canteen
water
his
joyless
lunch
of
Milky
Way
and
Baby
Ruth
.
He
went
to
Major
Major
on
foot
so
that
Corporal
Whitcomb
would
not
see
him
leaving
,
stealing
into
the
forest
noiselessly
until
the
two
tents
in
his
clearing
were
left
behind
,
then
dropping
down
inside
the
abandoned
railroad
ditch
,
where
the
footing
was
surer
.
He
hurried
along
the
fossilized
wooden
ties
with
accumulating
mutinous
anger
.
He
had
been
browbeaten
and
humiliated
successively
that
morning
by
Colonel
Cathcart
,
Colonel
Korn
and
Corporal
Whitcomb
.
He
just
had
to
make
himself
felt
in
some
respect
!
His
slight
chest
was
soon
puffing
for
breath
.
He
moved
as
swiftly
as
he
could
without
breaking
into
a
run
,
fearing
his
resolution
might
dissolve
if
he
slowed
.
Soon
he
saw
a
uniformed
figure
coming
toward
him
between
the
rusted
rails
.
He
clambered
immediately
up
the
side
of
the
ditch
,
ducked
inside
a
dense
copse
of
low
trees
for
concealment
and
sped
along
in
his
original
direction
a
narrow
,
overgrown
mossy
path
he
found
winding
deep
inside
the
shaded
forest
.
It
was
tougher
going
there
,
but
he
plunged
ahead
with
the
same
reckless
and
consuming
determination
,
slipping
and
stumbling
often
and
stinging
his
unprotected
hands
on
the
stubborn
branches
blocking
his
way
until
the
bushes
and
tall
ferns
on
both
sides
spread
open
and
he
lurched
past
an
olive
-
drab
military
trailer
on
cinder
blocks
clearly
visible
through
the
thinning
underbrush
.
He
continued
past
a
tent
with
a
luminous
pearl
-
gray
cat
sunning
itself
outside
and
past
another
trailer
on
cinder
blocks
and
then
burst
into
the
clearing
of
Yossarian
’
s
squadron
.
A
salty
dew
had
formed
on
his
lips
.
He
did
not
pause
,
but
strode
directly
across
the
clearing
into
the
orderly
room
,
where
he
was
welcomed
by
a
gaunt
,
stoop
-
shouldered
staff
sergeant
with
prominent
cheekbones
and
long
,
very
light
blond
hair
,
who
informed
him
graciously
that
he
could
go
right
in
,
since
Major
Major
was
out
.
The
chaplain
thanked
him
with
a
curt
nod
and
proceeded
alone
down
the
aisle
between
the
desks
and
typewriters
to
the
canvas
partition
in
the
rear
.
He
bobbed
through
the
triangular
opening
and
found
himself
inside
an
empty
office
.
The
flap
fell
closed
behind
him
.
He
was
breathing
hard
and
sweating
profusely
.
The
office
remained
empty
.
He
thought
he
heard
furtive
whispering
.
Ten
minutes
passed
.
He
looked
about
in
stern
displeasure
,
his
jaws
clamped
together
indomitably
,
and
then
turned
suddenly
to
water
as
he
remembered
the
staff
sergeant
’
s
exact
words
:
he
could
go
right
in
,
since
Major
Major
was
out
.
The
enlisted
men
were
playing
a
practical
joke
!
The
chaplain
shrank
back
from
the
wall
in
terror
,
bitter
tears
springing
to
his
eyes
.
A
pleading
whimper
escaped
his
trembling
lips
.
Major
Major
was
elsewhere
,
and
the
enlisted
men
in
the
other
room
had
made
him
the
butt
of
an
inhuman
prank
.
He
could
almost
see
them
waiting
on
the
other
side
of
the
canvas
wall
,
bunched
up
expectantly
like
a
pack
of
greedy
,
gloating
omnivorous
beasts
of
prey
,
ready
with
their
barbaric
mirth
and
jeers
to
pounce
on
him
brutally
the
moment
he
reappeared
.
He
cursed
himself
for
his
gullibility
and
wished
in
panic
for
something
like
a
mask
or
a
pair
of
dark
glasses
and
a
false
mustache
to
disguise
him
,
or
for
a
forceful
,
deep
voice
like
Colonel
Cathcart
’
s
and
broad
,
muscular
shoulders
and
biceps
to
enable
him
to
step
outside
fearlessly
and
vanquish
his
malevolent
persecutors
with
an
overbearing
authority
and
self
-
confidence
that
would
make
them
all
quail
and
slink
away
cravenly
in
repentance
.
He
lacked
the
courage
to
face
them
.
The
only
other
way
out
was
the
window
.
The
coast
was
clear
,
and
the
chaplain
jumped
out
of
Major
Major
’
s
office
through
the
window
,
darted
swiftly
around
the
corner
of
the
tent
,
and
leaped
down
inside
the
railroad
ditch
to
hide
.
He
scooted
away
with
his
body
doubled
over
and
his
face
contorted
intentionally
into
a
nonchalant
,
sociable
smile
in
case
anyone
chanced
to
see
him
.
He
abandoned
the
ditch
for
the
forest
the
moment
he
saw
someone
coming
toward
him
from
the
opposite
direction
and
ran
through
the
cluttered
forest
frenziedly
like
someone
pursued
,
his
cheeks
burning
with
disgrace
.
He
heard
loud
,
wild
peals
of
derisive
laughter
crashing
all
about
him
and
caught
blurred
glimpses
of
wicked
,
beery
faces
smirking
far
back
inside
the
bushes
and
high
overhead
in
the
foliage
of
the
trees
.
Spasms
of
scorching
pains
stabbed
through
his
lungs
and
slowed
him
to
a
crippled
walk
.
He
lunged
and
staggered
onward
until
he
could
go
no
farther
and
collapsed
all
at
once
against
a
gnarled
apple
tree
,
banging
his
head
hard
against
the
trunk
as
he
toppled
forward
and
holding
on
with
both
arms
to
keep
from
falling
.
His
breathing
was
a
rasping
,
moaning
din
in
his
ears
.
Minutes
passed
like
hours
before
he
finally
recognized
himself
as
the
source
of
the
turbulent
roar
that
was
overwhelming
him
.
The
pains
in
his
chest
abated
.
Soon
he
felt
strong
enough
to
stand
.
He
cocked
his
ears
craftily
.
The
forest
was
quiet
.
There
was
no
demonic
laughter
,
no
one
was
chasing
him
.
He
was
too
tired
and
sad
and
dirty
to
feel
relieved
.
He
straightened
his
disheveled
clothing
with
fingers
that
were
numb
and
shaking
and
walked
the
rest
of
the
way
to
the
clearing
with
rigid
self
-
control
.
The
chaplain
brooded
often
about
the
danger
of
heart
attack
.
Corporal
Whitcomb
’
s
jeep
was
still
parked
in
the
clearing
.
The
chaplain
tiptoed
stealthily
around
the
back
of
Corporal
Whitcomb
’
s
tent
rather
than
pass
the
entrance
and
risk
being
seen
and
insulted
by
him
.
Heaving
a
grateful
sigh
,
he
slipped
quickly
inside
his
own
tent
and
found
Corporal
Whitcomb
ensconced
on
his
cot
,
his
knees
propped
up
.
Corporal
Whitcomb
’
s
mud
-
caked
shoes
were
on
the
chaplain
’
s
blanket
,
and
he
was
eating
one
of
the
chaplain
’
s
candy
bars
as
he
thumbed
with
sneering
expression
through
one
of
the
chaplain
’
s
Bibles
.
"
Where
’
ve
you
been
?
"
he
demanded
rudely
and
disinterestedly
,
without
looking
up
.
The
chaplain
colored
and
turned
away
evasively
.
"
I
went
for
a
walk
through
the
woods
.
"
