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Lydgate
had
so
many
times
boasted
both
to
himself
and
others
that
he
was
totally
independent
of
Bulstrode
,
to
whose
plans
he
had
lent
himself
solely
because
they
enabled
him
to
carry
out
his
own
ideas
of
professional
work
and
public
benefit
—
he
had
so
constantly
in
their
personal
intercourse
had
his
pride
sustained
by
the
sense
that
he
was
making
a
good
social
use
of
this
predominating
banker
,
whose
opinions
he
thought
contemptible
and
whose
motives
often
seemed
to
him
an
absurd
mixture
of
contradictory
impressions
—
that
he
had
been
creating
for
himself
strong
ideal
obstacles
to
the
proffering
of
any
considerable
request
to
him
on
his
own
account
.
Still
,
early
in
March
his
affairs
were
at
that
pass
in
which
men
begin
to
say
that
their
oaths
were
delivered
in
ignorance
,
and
to
perceive
that
the
act
which
they
had
called
impossible
to
them
is
becoming
manifestly
possible
.
With
Dover
’
s
ugly
security
soon
to
be
put
in
force
,
with
the
proceeds
of
his
practice
immediately
absorbed
in
paying
back
debts
,
and
with
the
chance
,
if
the
worst
were
known
,
of
daily
supplies
being
refused
on
credit
,
above
all
with
the
vision
of
Rosamond
’
s
hopeless
discontent
continually
haunting
him
,
Lydgate
had
begun
to
see
that
he
should
inevitably
bend
himself
to
ask
help
from
somebody
or
other
.
At
first
he
had
considered
whether
he
should
write
to
Mr
.
Vincy
;
but
on
questioning
Rosamond
he
found
that
,
as
he
had
suspected
,
she
had
already
applied
twice
to
her
father
,
the
last
time
being
since
the
disappointment
from
Sir
Godwin
;
and
papa
had
said
that
Lydgate
must
look
out
for
himself
.
"
Papa
said
he
had
come
,
with
one
bad
year
after
another
,
to
trade
more
and
more
on
borrowed
capital
,
and
had
had
to
give
up
many
indulgences
;
he
could
not
spare
a
single
hundred
from
the
charges
of
his
family
.
He
said
,
let
Lydgate
ask
Bulstrode
:
they
have
always
been
hand
and
glove
.
"
Indeed
,
Lydgate
himself
had
come
to
the
conclusion
that
if
he
must
end
by
asking
for
a
free
loan
,
his
relations
with
Bulstrode
,
more
at
least
than
with
any
other
man
,
might
take
the
shape
of
a
claim
which
was
not
purely
personal
.
Bulstrode
had
indirectly
helped
to
cause
the
failure
of
his
practice
,
and
had
also
been
highly
gratified
by
getting
a
medical
partner
in
his
plans
:
—
but
who
among
us
ever
reduced
himself
to
the
sort
of
dependence
in
which
Lydgate
now
stood
,
without
trying
to
believe
that
he
had
claims
which
diminished
the
humiliation
of
asking
?
It
was
true
that
of
late
there
had
seemed
to
be
a
new
languor
of
interest
in
Bulstrode
about
the
Hospital
;
but
his
health
had
got
worse
,
and
showed
signs
of
a
deep
-
seated
nervous
affection
.
In
other
respects
he
did
not
appear
to
be
changed
:
he
had
always
been
highly
polite
,
but
Lydgate
had
observed
in
him
from
the
first
a
marked
coldness
about
his
marriage
and
other
private
circumstances
,
a
coldness
which
he
had
hitherto
preferred
to
any
warmth
of
familiarity
between
them
.
He
deferred
the
intention
from
day
to
day
,
his
habit
of
acting
on
his
conclusions
being
made
infirm
by
his
repugnance
to
every
possible
conclusion
and
its
consequent
act
.
He
saw
Mr
.
Bulstrode
often
,
but
he
did
not
try
to
use
any
occasion
for
his
private
purpose
.
At
one
moment
he
thought
,
"
I
will
write
a
letter
:
I
prefer
that
to
any
circuitous
talk
;
"
at
another
he
thought
,
"
No
;
if
I
were
talking
to
him
,
I
could
make
a
retreat
before
any
signs
of
disinclination
.
"
Still
the
days
passed
and
no
letter
was
written
,
no
special
interview
sought
.
In
his
shrinking
from
the
humiliation
of
a
dependent
attitude
towards
Bulstrode
,
he
began
to
familiarize
his
imagination
with
another
step
even
more
unlike
his
remembered
self
.
He
began
spontaneously
to
consider
whether
it
would
be
possible
to
carry
out
that
puerile
notion
of
Rosamond
’
s
which
had
often
made
him
angry
,
namely
,
that
they
should
quit
Middlemarch
without
seeing
anything
beyond
that
preface
.
The
question
came
—
"
Would
any
man
buy
the
practice
of
me
even
now
,
for
as
little
as
it
is
worth
?
Then
the
sale
might
happen
as
a
necessary
preparation
for
going
away
.
"
But
against
his
taking
this
step
,
which
he
still
felt
to
be
a
contemptible
relinquishment
of
present
work
,
a
guilty
turning
aside
from
what
was
a
real
and
might
be
a
widening
channel
for
worthy
activity
,
to
start
again
without
any
justified
destination
,
there
was
this
obstacle
,
that
the
purchaser
,
if
procurable
at
all
,
might
not
be
quickly
forthcoming
.
And
afterwards
?
Rosamond
in
a
poor
lodging
,
though
in
the
largest
city
or
most
distant
town
,
would
not
find
the
life
that
could
save
her
from
gloom
,
and
save
him
from
the
reproach
of
having
plunged
her
into
it
.
For
when
a
man
is
at
the
foot
of
the
hill
in
his
fortunes
,
he
may
stay
a
long
while
there
in
spite
of
professional
accomplishment
.
In
the
British
climate
there
is
no
incompatibility
between
scientific
insight
and
furnished
lodgings
:
the
incompatibility
is
chiefly
between
scientific
ambition
and
a
wife
who
objects
to
that
kind
of
residence
.
But
in
the
midst
of
his
hesitation
,
opportunity
came
to
decide
him
.
A
note
from
Mr
.
Bulstrode
requested
Lydgate
to
call
on
him
at
the
Bank
.
A
hypochondriacal
tendency
had
shown
itself
in
the
banker
’
s
constitution
of
late
;
and
a
lack
of
sleep
,
which
was
really
only
a
slight
exaggeration
of
an
habitual
dyspeptic
symptom
,
had
been
dwelt
on
by
him
as
a
sign
of
threatening
insanity
.
He
wanted
to
consult
Lydgate
without
delay
on
that
particular
morning
,
although
he
had
nothing
to
tell
beyond
what
he
had
told
before
.
He
listened
eagerly
to
what
Lydgate
had
to
say
in
dissipation
of
his
fears
,
though
this
too
was
only
repetition
;
and
this
moment
in
which
Bulstrode
was
receiving
a
medical
opinion
with
a
sense
of
comfort
,
seemed
to
make
the
communication
of
a
personal
need
to
him
easier
than
it
had
been
in
Lydgate
’
s
contemplation
beforehand
.
He
had
been
insisting
that
it
would
be
well
for
Mr
.
Bulstrode
to
relax
his
attention
to
business
.
"
One
sees
how
any
mental
strain
,
however
slight
,
may
affect
a
delicate
frame
,
"
said
Lydgate
at
that
stage
of
the
consultation
when
the
remarks
tend
to
pass
from
the
personal
to
the
general
,
"
by
the
deep
stamp
which
anxiety
will
make
for
a
time
even
on
the
young
and
vigorous
.
I
am
naturally
very
strong
;
yet
I
have
been
thoroughly
shaken
lately
by
an
accumulation
of
trouble
.
"
