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"
If
it
’
s
that
way
,
I
’
ll
sure
try
,
sir
.
"
"
That
’
s
the
boy
,
Ethan
.
I
’
m
sure
you
will
.
And
if
you
do
locate
him
,
you
call
me
—
any
time
,
day
or
night
.
"
I
wonder
about
people
who
say
they
haven
’
t
time
to
think
.
For
myself
,
I
can
double
think
.
I
find
that
weighing
vegetables
,
passing
the
time
of
day
with
customers
,
fighting
or
loving
Mary
,
coping
with
the
children
—
none
of
these
prevents
a
second
and
continuing
layer
of
thinking
,
wondering
,
conjecturing
.
Surely
this
must
be
true
of
everyone
.
Maybe
not
having
time
to
think
is
not
having
the
wish
to
think
.
In
the
strange
,
uncharted
country
I
had
entered
,
perhaps
I
had
no
choice
.
Questions
boiled
up
,
demanding
to
be
noticed
.
And
it
was
a
world
so
new
to
me
that
I
puzzled
over
matters
old
residents
probably
solved
and
put
away
when
they
were
children
.
I
had
thought
I
could
put
a
process
in
motion
and
control
it
at
every
turn
—
even
stop
it
when
I
wanted
to
.
And
now
the
frightening
conviction
grew
in
me
that
such
a
process
may
become
a
thing
in
itself
,
a
person
almost
,
having
its
own
ends
and
means
and
quite
independent
of
its
creator
.
And
another
troublesome
thought
came
in
.
Did
I
really
start
it
,
or
did
I
simply
not
resist
it
?
I
may
have
been
the
mover
,
but
was
I
not
also
the
moved
?
Once
on
the
long
street
,
there
seemed
to
be
no
cross
-
roads
,
no
forked
paths
,
no
choice
.
The
choice
was
in
the
first
evaluation
.
What
are
morals
?
Are
they
simply
words
?
Was
it
honorable
to
assess
my
father
’
s
weakness
,
which
was
a
generous
mind
and
the
ill
-
founded
dream
that
other
men
were
equally
generous
?
No
,
it
was
simply
good
business
to
dig
the
pit
for
him
.
He
fell
into
it
himself
.
No
one
pushed
him
.
Was
it
immoral
to
strip
him
when
he
was
down
?
Apparently
not
.
"
Now
a
slow
,
deliberate
encirclement
was
moving
on
New
Baytown
,
and
it
was
set
in
motion
by
honorable
men
.
If
it
succeeded
,
they
would
be
thought
not
crooked
but
clever
.
And
if
a
factor
they
had
overlooked
moved
in
,
would
that
be
immoral
or
dishonorable
?
I
think
that
would
depend
on
whether
or
not
it
was
successful
.
To
most
of
the
world
success
is
never
bad
.
I
remember
how
,
when
Hitler
moved
unchecked
and
triumphant
,
many
honorable
men
sought
and
found
virtues
in
him
.
And
Mussolini
made
the
trains
run
on
time
,
and
Vichy
collaborated
for
the
good
of
France
,
and
whatever
else
Stalin
was
,
he
was
strong
.
Strength
and
success
—
they
are
above
morality
,
above
criticism
.
It
seems
,
then
,
that
it
is
not
what
you
do
,
but
how
you
do
it
and
what
you
call
it
.
Is
there
a
check
in
men
,
deep
in
them
,
that
stops
or
punishes
?
There
doesn
’
t
seem
to
be
.
The
only
punishment
is
for
failure
.
In
effect
no
crime
is
committed
unless
a
criminal
is
caught
.
In
the
move
designed
for
New
Baytown
some
men
had
to
get
hurt
,
some
even
destroyed
,
but
this
in
no
way
deterred
the
movement
.
I
could
not
call
this
a
struggle
with
my
conscience
.
Once
I
perceived
the
pattern
and
accepted
it
,
the
path
was
clearly
marked
and
the
dangers
apparent
.
What
amazed
me
most
was
that
it
seemed
to
plan
itself
;
one
thing
grew
out
of
another
and
everything
fitted
together
.
I
watched
it
grow
and
only
guided
it
with
the
lightest
touch
.
What
I
had
done
and
planned
to
do
was
undertaken
with
full
knowledge
that
it
was
foreign
to
me
,
but
necessary
as
a
stirrup
is
to
mount
a
tall
horse
.
But
once
I
had
mounted
,
the
stirrup
would
not
be
needed
.
Maybe
I
could
not
stop
this
process
,
but
I
need
never
start
another
.
I
did
not
need
or
want
to
be
a
citizen
of
this
gray
and
dangerous
country
.
I
had
nothing
to
do
with
the
coming
tragedy
of
July
7
.
It
was
not
my
process
,
but
I
could
anticipate
and
I
could
use
it
.
