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- Джон Фоулз
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"
On
va
voir
ça
a
Athènes
.
Je
vous
donnerai
une
adresse
.
C
’
est
bien
a
Athênes
que
vous
l
’
avez
attrape
’
,
oui
?
"
I
nodded
.
"
Les
poules
ià
-
bas
.
Infectes
.
Seulement
les
fous
qui
s
’
y
laissent
prendre
.
"
He
had
an
old
yellow
face
and
pince
-
nez
;
a
malicious
smile
.
My
questions
amused
him
.
The
chances
were
I
could
be
cured
;
I
was
not
contagious
but
I
must
have
no
sex
;
he
could
have
treated
me
if
he
had
the
right
drug
,
benzathine
penicillin
,
but
he
could
not
get
it
.
He
had
heard
one
could
get
it
at
a
certain
private
clinic
in
Athens
,
but
I
would
have
to
pay
through
the
nose
;
it
would
be
eight
weeks
before
we
could
be
sure
it
had
worked
.
He
answered
all
my
questions
drily
;
all
he
could
offer
was
the
ancient
arsenic
and
bismuth
treatment
,
and
I
must
in
any
case
have
a
laboratory
test
first
.
He
had
long
ago
been
drained
of
all
sympathy
for
humanity
,
and
he
watched
me
with
tortoise
eyes
as
I
put
down
the
fee
.
I
stood
in
his
doorway
,
still
foolishly
trying
for
his
sympathy
.
"
Je
suis
maudit
.
"
He
shrugged
,
and
showed
me
out
,
totally
indifferent
,
a
sere
notifier
of
what
is
.
It
was
too
horrible
.
There
was
still
a
week
to
the
end
of
term
,
and
I
thought
of
leaving
at
once
and
going
back
to
England
.
Yet
I
couldn
’
t
bear
the
idea
of
London
,
and
there
was
a
sort
of
anonymity
in
Greece
,
if
not
on
the
island
.
I
didn
’
t
really
trust
Dr
.
Patarescu
;
one
or
two
of
the
older
masters
were
his
cronies
and
I
knew
they
often
saw
him
for
whist
.
I
searched
every
smile
,
every
word
spoken
to
me
,
for
a
reference
to
what
had
happened
;
and
I
thought
that
the
very
next
day
I
saw
in
various
eyes
a
certain
dry
amusement
.
One
morning
during
break
the
headmaster
said
,
"
Cheer
up
,
kyrios
Urfe
,
or
we
shall
say
the
beauties
of
Greece
have
made
you
sad
.
"
I
thought
this
was
a
direct
reference
;
and
the
smiles
that
greeted
the
remark
seemed
to
me
to
be
more
than
it
merited
.
Within
three
days
of
seeing
the
doctor
I
decided
that
everyone
knew
about
my
disease
;
even
the
boys
.
Every
time
they
whispered
I
heard
the
word
"
syphilis
.
"
Suddenly
,
in
that
same
terrible
week
,
the
Greek
spring
was
with
us
.
In
only
two
days
,
it
seemed
,
the
earth
was
covered
with
anemones
,
orchids
,
asphodels
,
wild
gladioli
;
for
once
there
were
birds
everywhere
,
on
migration
.
Undulating
lines
of
storks
croaked
overhead
,
the
sky
was
blue
,
pure
,
the
boys
sang
,
and
even
the
sternest
masters
smiled
.
The
world
around
me
took
wing
,
and
I
was
stuck
to
the
ground
;
a
Catullus
without
talent
forced
to
inhabit
a
land
that
was
Lesbia
without
mercy
.
I
had
hideous
nights
,
in
one
of
which
I
wrote
a
long
letter
to
Alison
,
trying
to
explain
what
had
happened
to
me
,
how
I
remembered
what
she
had
said
in
her
letter
in
the
canteen
,
how
now
I
could
believe
her
;
how
I
loathed
myself
.
Even
then
I
managed
to
sound
resentful
,
for
my
leaving
her
began
to
seem
like
the
last
and
the
worst
of
my
bad
gambles
.
I
might
have
been
married
to
her
;
at
least
I
should
have
had
a
companion
in
the
desert
.
I
did
not
post
the
letter
,
but
again
and
again
,
night
after
night
,
I
thought
of
suicide
.
It
seemed
to
me
that
death
had
marked
my
family
down
,
right
back
to
those
two
uncles
I
had
never
known
,
one
killed
at
Ypres
and
the
other
at
Passchendaele
;
then
my
parents
.
All
violent
,
pointless
deaths
,
lost
gambles
.
I
was
worse
off
than
even
Alison
was
;
she
hated
life
,
I
hated
myself
.
I
had
created
nothing
,
I
belonged
to
nothingness
,
to
the
néant
,
and
it
seemed
to
me
that
my
own
death
was
the
only
thing
left
that
I
could
create
;
and
still
,
even
then
,
I
thought
it
might
accuse
everyone
who
had
ever
known
me
.
It
would
validate
all
my
cynicism
,
it
would
prove
all
my
solitary
selfishness
;
it
would
stand
,
and
be
remembered
,
as
a
final
dark
victory
.
The
day
before
term
ended
I
felt
the
balance
tip
.
I
knew
what
to
do
.
The
gatekeeper
at
the
school
had
an
old
twelve
-
bore
,
which
he
had
once
offered
to
lend
me
if
I
wanted
to
go
shooting
in
the
hills
.
I
went
to
him
and
asked
him
to
let
me
have
it
.
He
was
delighted
and
loaded
my
pocket
with
cartridges
;
the
pine
forests
were
full
of
birds
.
