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- Джон Фоулз
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- Волхв
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- Стр. 56/136
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As
it
was
,
I
sent
her
a
postcard
telling
her
nothing
;
and
on
the
last
day
I
went
back
to
the
brothel
alone
.
But
the
Lebanese
nymphet
I
coveted
was
taken
and
I
didn
’
t
fancy
the
others
.
December
came
,
and
we
were
still
writing
letters
.
I
knew
she
was
hiding
things
from
me
.
Her
life
,
as
she
described
it
,
was
too
simple
and
manless
to
be
true
.
When
the
final
letter
came
,
I
was
not
surprised
.
What
I
hadn
’
t
expected
was
how
bitter
I
should
feel
,
and
how
betrayed
.
It
was
less
a
sexual
jealousy
of
the
man
than
an
envy
of
Alison
;
moments
of
tenderness
and
togetherness
,
moments
when
the
otherness
of
the
other
disappeared
flooded
back
through
my
mind
for
days
afterwards
,
like
sequences
from
some
cheap
romantic
film
that
I
certainly
didn
’
t
want
to
remember
,
but
did
;
and
there
was
the
read
and
reread
letter
;
and
that
such
things
could
be
ended
so
,
by
two
hundred
stale
,
worn
words
.
DEAR
NICHOLAS
,
I
can
’
t
go
on
any
more
.
I
’
m
so
terribly
terribly
sorry
if
this
hurts
you
.
Please
believe
that
I
’
m
sorry
,
please
don
’
t
be
angry
with
me
for
knowing
you
will
be
hurt
.
I
can
see
you
saying
,
I
’
m
not
hurt
.
I
got
so
terribly
lonely
and
depressed
.
I
haven
’
t
told
you
how
much
,
I
can
’
t
tell
you
how
much
.
Those
first
days
I
kept
up
such
a
brave
front
at
work
,
and
then
at
home
I
collapsed
.
I
’
m
sleeping
with
Pete
again
when
he
’
s
in
London
.
It
started
two
weeks
ago
.
Please
please
believe
me
that
I
wouldn
’
t
be
if
I
thought
…
you
know
.
I
know
you
know
.
I
don
’
t
feel
about
him
as
I
used
to
do
,
and
don
’
t
begin
to
feel
about
him
as
I
felt
about
you
,
you
can
’
t
be
jealous
It
’
s
just
that
he
’
s
so
uncomplicated
,
he
stops
me
thinking
,
he
stops
me
being
lonely
,
I
’
ve
sunk
back
into
all
the
old
Australians
-
in
-
London
thing
again
.
We
may
marry
.
I
don
’
t
know
.
It
’
s
terrible
.
I
still
want
to
write
to
you
,
and
you
to
me
.
I
keep
on
remembering
.
Goodbye
.
ALISON
