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A
silence
,
a
small
shrug
.
"
Sometimes
.
"
I
couldn
’
t
see
her
face
.
We
sat
in
silence
,
close
and
warm
,
both
aware
that
we
were
close
and
aware
that
we
were
embarrassed
by
the
implications
of
this
talk
about
children
.
In
our
age
it
is
not
sex
that
raises
its
ugly
head
,
but
love
.
One
evening
we
went
to
see
Carne
’
s
old
film
Quai
des
Brumes
.
She
was
crying
when
we
came
out
and
she
began
to
cry
again
when
we
were
in
bed
.
She
sensed
my
disapproval
.
"
You
’
re
not
me
.
You
can
’
t
feel
like
I
feel
.
"
"
I
can
feel
.
"
"
No
you
can
’
t
.
You
just
choose
not
to
feel
or
something
,
and
everything
’
s
fine
.
"
"
It
’
s
not
fine
.
It
’
s
just
not
so
bad
.
"
"
That
film
made
me
feel
what
I
feel
about
everything
.
There
isn
’
t
any
meaning
.
You
try
and
try
to
be
happy
and
then
something
chance
happens
and
it
’
s
all
gone
.
It
’
s
because
we
don
’
t
believe
in
a
life
after
death
.
"
