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Windsor-July
.
My
Dear
Madam
,
"
If
I
made
myself
intelligible
yesterday
,
this
letter
will
be
expected
;
but
expected
or
not
,
I
know
it
will
be
read
with
candour
and
indulgence
.
--
You
are
all
goodness
,
and
I
believe
there
will
be
need
of
even
all
your
goodness
to
allow
for
some
parts
of
my
past
conduct
.
--
But
I
have
been
forgiven
by
one
who
had
still
more
to
resent
.
My
courage
rises
while
I
write
.
It
is
very
difficult
for
the
prosperous
to
be
humble
.
I
have
already
met
with
such
success
in
two
applications
for
pardon
,
that
I
may
be
in
danger
of
thinking
myself
too
sure
of
yours
,
and
of
those
among
your
friends
who
have
had
any
ground
of
offence
.
--
You
must
all
endeavour
to
comprehend
the
exact
nature
of
my
situation
when
I
first
arrived
at
Randalls
;
you
must
consider
me
as
having
a
secret
which
was
to
be
kept
at
all
hazards
.
This
was
the
fact
.
My
right
to
place
myself
in
a
situation
requiring
such
concealment
,
is
another
question
.
I
shall
not
discuss
it
here
.
For
my
temptation
to
think
it
a
right
,
I
refer
every
caviller
to
a
brick
house
,
sashed
windows
below
,
and
casements
above
,
in
Highbury
.
I
dared
not
address
her
openly
;
my
difficulties
in
the
then
state
of
Enscombe
must
be
too
well
known
to
require
definition
;
and
I
was
fortunate
enough
to
prevail
,
before
we
parted
at
Weymouth
,
and
to
induce
the
most
upright
female
mind
in
the
creation
to
stoop
in
charity
to
a
secret
engagement
.
--
Had
she
refused
,
I
should
have
gone
mad
.
--
But
you
will
be
ready
to
say
,
what
was
your
hope
in
doing
this
?
--
What
did
you
look
forward
to
?
--
To
any
thing
,
every
thing
--
to
time
,
chance
,
circumstance
,
slow
effects
,
sudden
bursts
,
perseverance
and
weariness
,
health
and
sickness
.
Every
possibility
of
good
was
before
me
,
and
the
first
of
blessings
secured
,
in
obtaining
her
promises
of
faith
and
correspondence
.
If
you
need
farther
explanation
,
I
have
the
honour
,
my
dear
madam
,
of
being
your
husband
's
son
,
and
the
advantage
of
inheriting
a
disposition
to
hope
for
good
,
which
no
inheritance
of
houses
or
lands
can
ever
equal
the
value
of
.
--
See
me
,
then
,
under
these
circumstances
,
arriving
on
my
first
visit
to
Randalls
--
and
here
I
am
conscious
of
wrong
,
for
that
visit
might
have
been
sooner
paid
.
You
will
look
back
and
see
that
I
did
not
come
till
Miss
Fairfax
was
in
Highbury
;
and
as
you
were
the
person
slighted
,
you
will
forgive
me
instantly
;
but
I
must
work
on
my
father
's
compassion
,
by
reminding
him
,
that
so
long
as
I
absented
myself
from
his
house
,
so
long
I
lost
the
blessing
of
knowing
you
.
My
behaviour
,
during
the
very
happy
fortnight
which
I
spent
with
you
,
did
not
,
I
hope
,
lay
me
open
to
reprehension
,
excepting
on
one
point
.
And
now
I
come
to
the
principal
,
the
only
important
part
of
my
conduct
while
belonging
to
you
,
which
excites
my
own
anxiety
,
or
requires
very
solicitous
explanation
.
With
the
greatest
respect
,
and
the
warmest
friendship
,
do
I
mention
Miss
Woodhouse
;
my
father
perhaps
will
think
I
ought
to
add
,
with
the
deepest
humiliation
.
--
A
few
words
which
dropped
from
him
yesterday
spoke
his
opinion
,
and
some
censure
I
acknowledge
myself
liable
to
.
--
My
behaviour
to
Miss
Woodhouse
indicated
,
I
believe
,
more
than
it
ought
.
--
In
order
to
assist
a
concealment
so
essential
to
me
,
I
was
led
on
to
make
more
than
an
allowable
use
of
the
sort
of
intimacy
into
which
we
were
immediately
thrown
.
--
I
can
not
deny
that
Miss
Woodhouse
was
my
ostensible
object
--
but
I
am
sure
you
will
believe
the
declaration
,
that
had
I
not
been
convinced
of
her
indifference
,
I
would
not
have
been
induced
by
any
selfish
views
to
go
on
.
--
Amiable
and
delightful
as
Miss
Woodhouse
is
,
she
never
gave
me
the
idea
of
a
young
woman
likely
to
be
attached
;
and
that
she
was
perfectly
free
from
any
tendency
to
being
attached
to
me
,
was
as
much
my
conviction
as
my
wish
.
--
She
received
my
attentions
with
an
easy
,
friendly
,
goodhumoured
playfulness
,
which
exactly
suited
me
.
We
seemed
to
understand
each
other
.
From
our
relative
situation
,
those
attentions
were
her
due
,
and
were
felt
to
be
so
.
--
Whether
Miss
Woodhouse
began
really
to
understand
me
before
the
expiration
of
that
fortnight
,
I
can
not
say
--
when
I
called
to
take
leave
of
her
,
I
remember
that
I
was
within
a
moment
of
confessing
the
truth
,
and
I
then
fancied
she
was
not
without
suspicion
;
but
I
have
no
doubt
of
her
having
since
detected
me
,
at
least
in
some
degree
.
--
She
may
not
have
surmised
the
whole
,
but
her
quickness
must
have
penetrated
a
part
.
I
can
not
doubt
it
.
You
will
find
,
whenever
the
subject
becomes
freed
from
its
present
restraints
,
that
it
did
not
take
her
wholly
by
surprize
.
She
frequently
gave
me
hints
of
it
.
I
remember
her
telling
me
at
the
ball
,
that
I
owed
Mrs.
Elton
gratitude
for
her
attentions
to
Miss
Fairfax
.
--
I
hope
this
history
of
my
conduct
towards
her
will
be
admitted
by
you
and
my
father
as
great
extenuation
of
what
you
saw
amiss
.
While
you
considered
me
as
having
sinned
against
Emma
Woodhouse
,
I
could
deserve
nothing
from
either
.
Acquit
me
here
,
and
procure
for
me
,
when
it
is
allowable
,
the
acquittal
and
good
wishes
of
that
said
Emma
Woodhouse
,
whom
I
regard
with
so
much
brotherly
affection
,
as
to
long
to
have
her
as
deeply
and
as
happily
in
love
as
myself
.
--
Whatever
strange
things
I
said
or
did
during
that
fortnight
,
you
have
now
a
key
to
.
My
heart
was
in
Highbury
,
and
my
business
was
to
get
my
body
thither
as
often
as
might
be
,
and
with
the
least
suspicion
.
If
you
remember
any
queernesses
,
set
them
all
to
the
right
account
.
--
Of
the
pianoforte
so
much
talked
of
,
I
feel
it
only
necessary
to
say
,
that
its
being
ordered
was
absolutely
unknown
to
Miss
F
--
who
would
never
have
allowed
me
to
send
it
,
had
any
choice
been
given
her
.
--
The
delicacy
of
her
mind
throughout
the
whole
engagement
,
my
dear
madam
,
is
much
beyond
my
power
of
doing
justice
to
.
You
will
soon
,
I
earnestly
hope
,
know
her
thoroughly
yourself
.
--
No
description
can
describe
her
.
She
must
tell
you
herself
what
she
is
--
yet
not
by
word
,
for
never
was
there
a
human
creature
who
would
so
designedly
suppress
her
own
merit
.
--
Since
I
began
this
letter
,
which
will
be
longer
than
I
foresaw
,
I
have
heard
from
her
.
--
She
gives
a
good
account
of
her
own
health
;
but
as
she
never
complains
,
I
dare
not
depend
.
I
want
to
have
your
opinion
of
her
looks
.
I
know
you
will
soon
call
on
her
;
she
is
living
in
dread
of
the
visit
.
Perhaps
it
is
paid
already
.
Let
me
hear
from
you
without
delay
;
I
am
impatient
for
a
thousand
particulars
.
Remember
how
few
minutes
I
was
at
Randalls
,
and
in
how
bewildered
,
how
mad
a
state
:
and
I
am
not
much
better
yet
;
still
insane
either
from
happiness
or
misery
.
When
I
think
of
the
kindness
and
favour
I
have
met
with
,
of
her
excellence
and
patience
,
and
my
uncle
's
generosity
,
I
am
mad
with
joy
:
but
when
I
recollect
all
the
uneasiness
I
occasioned
her
,
and
how
little
I
deserve
to
be
forgiven
,
I
am
mad
with
anger
.
If
I
could
but
see
her
again
!
--
But
I
must
not
propose
it
yet
.
My
uncle
has
been
too
good
for
me
to
encroach
.
--
I
must
still
add
to
this
long
letter
.
You
have
not
heard
all
that
you
ought
to
hear
.
I
could
not
give
any
connected
detail
yesterday
;
but
the
suddenness
,
and
,
in
one
light
,
the
unseasonableness
with
which
the
affair
burst
out
,
needs
explanation
;
for
though
the
event
of
the
26th
ult.
,
as
you
will
conclude
,
immediately
opened
to
me
the
happiest
prospects
,
I
should
not
have
presumed
on
such
early
measures
,
but
from
the
very
particular
circumstances
,
which
left
me
not
an
hour
to
lose
.
I
should
myself
have
shrunk
from
any
thing
so
hasty
,
and
she
would
have
felt
every
scruple
of
mine
with
multiplied
strength
and
refinement
.
--
But
I
had
no
choice
.
The
hasty
engagement
she
had
entered
into
with
that
woman
--
Here
,
my
dear
madam
,
I
was
obliged
to
leave
off
abruptly
,
to
recollect
and
compose
myself
.
--
I
have
been
walking
over
the
country
,
and
am
now
,
I
hope
,
rational
enough
to
make
the
rest
of
my
letter
what
it
ought
to
be
.
--
It
is
,
in
fact
,
a
most
mortifying
retrospect
for
me
.
I
behaved
shamefully
.
And
here
I
can
admit
,
that
my
manners
to
Miss
W.
,
in
being
unpleasant
to
Miss
F.
,
were
highly
blameable
.
She
disapproved
them
,
which
ought
to
have
been
enough
.
--
My
plea
of
concealing
the
truth
she
did
not
think
sufficient
.
--
She
was
displeased
;
I
thought
unreasonably
so
:
I
thought
her
,
on
a
thousand
occasions
,
unnecessarily
scrupulous
and
cautious
:
I
thought
her
even
cold
.
But
she
was
always
right
.
If
I
had
followed
her
judgment
,
and
subdued
my
spirits
to
the
level
of
what
she
deemed
proper
,
I
should
have
escaped
the
greatest
unhappiness
I
have
ever
known
.
--
We
quarrelled
.
--
Do
you
remember
the
morning
spent
at
Donwell
?
--
There
every
little
dissatisfaction
that
had
occurred
before
came
to
a
crisis
.
I
was
late
;
I
met
her
walking
home
by
herself
,
and
wanted
to
walk
with
her
,
but
she
would
not
suffer
it
.
She
absolutely
refused
to
allow
me
,
which
I
then
thought
most
unreasonable
.
Now
,
however
,
I
see
nothing
in
it
but
a
very
natural
and
consistent
degree
of
discretion
.
While
I
,
to
blind
the
world
to
our
engagement
,
was
behaving
one
hour
with
objectionable
particularity
to
another
woman
,
was
she
to
be
consenting
the
next
to
a
proposal
which
might
have
made
every
previous
caution
useless
?
--
Had
we
been
met
walking
together
between
Donwell
and
Highbury
,
the
truth
must
have
been
suspected
.
--
I
was
mad
enough
,
however
,
to
resent
.
--
I
doubted
her
affection
.
I
doubted
it
more
the
next
day
on
Box
Hill
;
when
,
provoked
by
such
conduct
on
my
side
,
such
shameful
,
insolent
neglect
of
her
,
and
such
apparent
devotion
to
Miss
W.
,
as
it
would
have
been
impossible
for
any
woman
of
sense
to
endure
,
she
spoke
her
resentment
in
a
form
of
words
perfectly
intelligible
to
me
.
--
In
short
,
my
dear
madam
,
it
was
a
quarrel
blameless
on
her
side
,
abominable
on
mine
;
and
I
returned
the
same
evening
to
Richmond
,
though
I
might
have
staid
with
you
till
the
next
morning
,
merely
because
I
would
be
as
angry
with
her
as
possible
.
Even
then
,
I
was
not
such
a
fool
as
not
to
mean
to
be
reconciled
in
time
;
but
I
was
the
injured
person
,
injured
by
her
coldness
,
and
I
went
away
determined
that
she
should
make
the
first
advances
.
--
I
shall
always
congratulate
myself
that
you
were
not
of
the
Box
Hill
party
.
Had
you
witnessed
my
behaviour
there
,
I
can
hardly
suppose
you
would
ever
have
thought
well
of
me
again
.
Its
effect
upon
her
appears
in
the
immediate
resolution
it
produced
:
as
soon
as
she
found
I
was
really
gone
from
Randalls
,
she
closed
with
the
offer
of
that
officious
Mrs.
Elton
;
the
whole
system
of
whose
treatment
of
her
,
by
the
bye
,
has
ever
filled
me
with
indignation
and
hatred
.
I
must
not
quarrel
with
a
spirit
of
forbearance
which
has
been
so
richly
extended
towards
myself
;
but
,
otherwise
,
I
should
loudly
protest
against
the
share
of
it
which
that
woman
has
known
.
--
"
Jane
,
"
indeed
!
--
You
will
observe
that
I
have
not
yet
indulged
myself
in
calling
her
by
that
name
,
even
to
you
.
