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- Джеймс Джойс
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- Портрет художника в юности
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- Стр. 116/241
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--
Father
,
I.
The
thought
slid
like
a
cold
shining
rapier
into
his
tender
flesh
:
confession
.
But
not
there
in
the
chapel
of
the
college
.
He
would
confess
all
,
every
sin
of
deed
and
thought
,
sincerely
;
but
not
there
among
his
school
companions
.
Far
away
from
there
in
some
dark
place
he
would
murmur
out
his
own
shame
;
and
he
besought
God
humbly
not
to
be
offended
with
him
if
he
did
not
dare
to
confess
in
the
college
chapel
and
in
utter
abjection
of
spirit
he
craved
forgiveness
mutely
of
the
boyish
hearts
about
him
.
Time
passed
.
He
sat
again
in
the
front
bench
of
the
chapel
.
The
daylight
without
was
already
failing
and
,
as
it
fell
slowly
through
the
dull
red
blinds
,
it
seemed
that
the
sun
of
the
last
day
was
going
down
and
that
all
souls
were
being
gathered
for
the
judgement
.
--
I
AM
CAST
AWAY
FROM
THE
SIGHT
OF
THINE
EYES
:
words
taken
,
my
dear
little
brothers
in
Christ
,
from
the
Book
of
Psalms
,
thirtieth
chapter
,
twenty-third
verse
.
In
the
name
of
the
Father
and
of
the
Son
and
of
the
Holy
Ghost
.
Amen
.
The
preacher
began
to
speak
in
a
quiet
friendly
tone
.
His
face
was
kind
and
he
joined
gently
the
fingers
of
each
hand
,
forming
a
frail
cage
by
the
union
of
their
tips
.
--
This
morning
we
endeavoured
,
in
our
reflection
upon
hell
,
to
make
what
our
holy
founder
calls
in
his
book
of
spiritual
exercises
,
the
composition
of
place
.
We
endeavoured
,
that
is
,
to
imagine
with
the
senses
of
the
mind
,
in
our
imagination
,
the
material
character
of
that
awful
place
and
of
the
physical
torments
which
all
who
are
in
hell
endure
.
This
evening
we
shall
consider
for
a
few
moments
the
nature
of
the
spiritual
torments
of
hell
.
--
Sin
,
remember
,
is
a
twofold
enormity
.
It
is
a
base
consent
to
the
promptings
of
our
corrupt
nature
to
the
lower
instincts
,
to
that
which
is
gross
and
beast-like
;
and
it
is
also
a
turning
away
from
the
counsel
of
our
higher
nature
,
from
all
that
is
pure
and
holy
,
from
the
Holy
God
Himself
.
For
this
reason
mortal
sin
is
punished
in
hell
by
two
different
forms
of
punishment
,
physical
and
spiritual
.
Now
of
all
these
spiritual
pains
by
far
the
greatest
is
the
pain
of
loss
,
so
great
,
in
fact
,
that
in
itself
it
is
a
torment
greater
than
all
the
others
.
Saint
Thomas
,
the
greatest
doctor
of
the
church
,
the
angelic
doctor
,
as
he
is
called
,
says
that
the
worst
damnation
consists
in
this
,
that
the
understanding
of
man
is
totally
deprived
of
divine
light
and
his
affection
obstinately
turned
away
from
the
goodness
of
God
.
God
,
remember
,
is
a
being
infinitely
good
,
and
therefore
the
loss
of
such
a
being
must
be
a
loss
infinitely
painful
.
In
this
life
we
have
not
a
very
clear
idea
of
what
such
a
loss
must
be
,
but
the
damned
in
hell
,
for
their
greater
torment
,
have
a
full
understanding
of
that
which
they
have
lost
,
and
understand
that
they
have
lost
it
through
their
own
sins
and
have
lost
it
for
ever
.
At
the
very
instant
of
death
the
bonds
of
the
flesh
are
broken
asunder
and
the
soul
at
once
flies
towards
God
as
towards
the
centre
of
her
existence
.
Remember
,
my
dear
little
boys
,
our
souls
long
to
be
with
God
.
We
come
from
God
,
we
live
by
God
,
we
belong
to
God
:
we
are
His
,
inalienably
His
.
God
loves
with
a
divine
love
every
human
soul
,
and
every
human
soul
lives
in
that
love
.
How
could
it
be
otherwise
?
Every
breath
that
we
draw
,
every
thought
of
our
brain
,
every
instant
of
life
proceeds
from
God
's
inexhaustible
goodness
.
And
if
it
be
pain
for
a
mother
to
be
parted
from
her
child
,
for
a
man
to
be
exiled
from
hearth
and
home
,
for
friend
to
be
sundered
from
friend
,
O
think
what
pain
,
what
anguish
it
must
be
for
the
poor
soul
to
be
spurned
from
the
presence
of
the
supremely
good
and
loving
Creator
Who
has
called
that
soul
into
existence
from
nothingness
and
sustained
it
in
life
and
loved
it
with
an
immeasurable
love
.
This
,
then
,
to
be
separated
for
ever
from
its
greatest
good
,
from
God
,
and
to
feel
the
anguish
of
that
separation
,
knowing
full
well
that
it
is
unchangeable
:
this
is
the
greatest
torment
which
the
created
soul
is
capable
of
bearing
,
POENA
DAMNI
,
the
pain
of
loss
.
