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51
I
must
again
,
at
the
risk
of
boring
,
repeat
that
I
am
,
in
this
one
thing
,
to
be
considered
a
freak
.
Not
alone
do
I
possess
racial
memory
to
an
enormous
extent
,
but
I
possess
the
memories
of
one
particular
and
far
-
removed
progenitor
.
And
yet
,
while
this
is
most
unusual
,
there
is
nothing
over
-
remarkable
about
it
.
52
Follow
my
reasoning
.
An
instinct
is
a
racial
memory
.
Very
good
.
Then
you
and
I
and
all
of
us
receive
these
memories
from
our
fathers
and
mothers
,
as
they
received
them
from
their
fathers
and
mothers
.
Therefore
there
must
be
a
medium
whereby
these
memories
are
transmitted
from
generation
to
generation
53
This
medium
is
what
Weismann
terms
the
germplasm
.
It
carries
the
memories
of
the
whole
evolution
of
the
race
.
These
memories
are
dim
and
confused
,
and
many
of
them
are
lost
.
But
some
strains
of
germplasm
carry
an
excessive
freightage
of
memories
are
,
to
be
scientific
,
more
atavistic
than
other
strains
;
and
such
a
strain
is
mine
.
I
am
a
freak
of
heredity
,
an
atavistic
nightmare
call
me
what
you
will
;
but
here
I
am
,
real
and
alive
,
eating
three
hearty
meals
a
day
,
and
what
are
you
going
to
do
about
it
?
Отключить рекламу
54
And
now
,
before
I
take
up
my
tale
,
I
want
to
anticipate
the
doubting
Thomases
of
psychology
,
who
are
prone
to
scoff
,
and
who
would
otherwise
surely
say
that
the
coherence
of
my
dreams
is
due
to
overstudy
and
the
subconscious
projection
of
my
knowledge
of
evolution
into
my
dreams
.
In
the
first
place
,
I
have
never
been
a
zealous
student
.
I
graduated
last
of
my
class
.
I
cared
more
for
athletics
,
and
there
is
no
reason
I
should
not
confess
it
more
for
billiards
.
55
Further
,
I
had
no
knowledge
of
evolution
until
I
was
at
college
,
whereas
in
my
childhood
and
youth
I
had
already
lived
in
my
dreams
all
the
details
of
that
other
,
long
-
ago
life
.
I
will
say
,
however
,
that
these
details
were
mixed
and
incoherent
until
I
came
to
know
the
science
of
evolution
.
Evolution
was
the
key
.
It
gave
the
explanation
,
gave
sanity
to
the
pranks
of
this
atavistic
brain
of
mine
that
,
modern
and
normal
,
harked
back
to
a
past
so
remote
as
to
be
contemporaneous
with
the
raw
beginnings
of
mankind
.
56
For
in
this
past
I
know
of
,
man
,
as
we
to
-
day
know
him
,
did
not
exist
.
It
was
in
the
period
of
his
becoming
that
I
must
have
lived
and
had
my
being
.
57
The
commonest
dream
of
my
early
childhood
was
something
like
this
:
It
seemed
that
I
was
very
small
and
that
I
lay
curled
up
in
a
sort
of
nest
of
twigs
and
boughs
.
Sometimes
I
was
lying
on
my
back
.
In
this
position
it
seemed
that
I
spent
many
hours
,
watching
the
play
of
sunlight
on
the
foliage
and
the
stirring
of
the
leaves
by
the
wind
.
Often
the
nest
itself
moved
back
and
forth
when
the
wind
was
strong
.
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58
But
always
,
while
so
lying
in
the
nest
,
I
was
mastered
as
of
tremendous
space
beneath
me
.
I
never
saw
it
,
I
never
peered
over
the
edge
of
the
nest
to
see
;
but
I
KNEW
and
feared
that
space
that
lurked
just
beneath
me
and
that
ever
threatened
me
like
a
maw
of
some
all
-
devouring
monster
.
59
This
dream
,
in
which
I
was
quiescent
and
which
was
more
like
a
condition
than
an
experience
of
action
,
I
dreamed
very
often
in
my
early
childhood
.
But
suddenly
,
there
would
rush
into
the
very
midst
of
it
strange
forms
and
ferocious
happenings
,
the
thunder
and
crashing
of
storm
,
or
unfamiliar
landscapes
such
as
in
my
wake
-
a
-
day
life
I
had
never
seen
.
The
result
was
confusion
and
nightmare
.
I
could
comprehend
nothing
of
it
.
There
was
no
logic
of
sequence
.
60
You
see
,
I
did
not
dream
consecutively
.
One
moment
I
was
a
wee
babe
of
the
Younger
World
lying
in
my
tree
nest
;
the
next
moment
I
was
a
grown
man
of
the
Younger
World
locked
in
combat
with
the
hideous
Red
-
Eye
;
and
the
next
moment
I
was
creeping
carefully
down
to
the
water
-
hole
in
the
heat
of
the
day
.
Events
,
years
apart
in
their
occurrence
in
the
Younger
World
,
occurred
with
me
within
the
space
of
several
minutes
,
or
seconds
.