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661
When
Connie
went
up
to
her
bedroom
she
did
what
she
had
not
done
for
a
long
time
:
took
off
all
her
clothes
,
and
looked
at
herself
naked
in
the
huge
mirror
.
She
did
not
know
what
she
was
looking
for
,
or
at
,
very
definitely
,
yet
she
moved
the
lamp
till
it
shone
full
on
her
.
662
And
she
thought
,
as
she
had
thought
so
often
,
what
a
frail
,
easily
hurt
,
rather
pathetic
thing
a
human
body
is
,
naked
;
somehow
a
little
unfinished
,
incomplete
!
663
She
had
been
supposed
to
have
rather
a
good
figure
,
but
now
she
was
out
of
fashion
:
a
little
too
female
,
not
enough
like
an
adolescent
boy
.
She
was
not
very
tall
,
a
bit
Scottish
and
short
;
but
she
had
a
certain
fluent
,
down
-
slipping
grace
that
might
have
been
beauty
.
Her
skin
was
faintly
tawny
,
her
limbs
had
a
certain
stillness
,
her
body
should
have
had
a
full
,
down
-
slipping
richness
;
but
it
lacked
something
.
Отключить рекламу
664
Instead
of
ripening
its
firm
,
down
-
running
curves
,
her
body
was
flattening
and
going
a
little
harsh
.
It
was
as
if
it
had
not
had
enough
sun
and
warmth
;
it
was
a
little
greyish
and
sapless
.
665
Disappointed
of
its
real
womanhood
,
it
had
not
succeeded
in
becoming
boyish
,
and
unsubstantial
,
and
transparent
;
instead
it
had
gone
opaque
.
666
Her
breasts
were
rather
small
,
and
dropping
pear
-
shaped
.
But
they
were
unripe
,
a
little
bitter
,
without
meaning
hanging
there
.
And
her
belly
had
lost
the
fresh
,
round
gleam
it
had
had
when
she
was
young
,
in
the
days
of
her
German
boy
,
who
really
loved
her
physically
.
Then
it
was
young
and
expectant
,
with
a
real
look
of
its
own
.
Now
it
was
going
slack
,
and
a
little
flat
,
thinner
,
but
with
a
slack
thinness
.
667
Her
thighs
,
too
,
they
used
to
look
so
quick
and
glimpsy
in
their
female
roundness
,
somehow
they
too
were
going
flat
,
slack
,
meaningless
.
Отключить рекламу
668
Her
body
was
going
meaningless
,
going
dull
and
opaque
,
so
much
insignificant
substance
.
It
made
her
feel
immensely
depressed
and
hopeless
.
What
hope
was
there
?
She
was
old
,
old
at
twenty
-
seven
,
with
no
gleam
and
sparkle
in
the
flesh
.
Old
through
neglect
and
denial
,
yes
,
denial
.
Fashionable
women
kept
their
bodies
bright
like
delicate
porcelain
,
by
external
attention
.
There
was
nothing
inside
the
porcelain
;
but
she
was
not
even
as
bright
as
that
.
The
mental
life
!
Suddenly
she
hated
it
with
a
rushing
fury
,
the
swindle
!
669
She
looked
in
the
other
mirror
’
s
reflection
at
her
back
,
her
waist
,
her
loins
.
She
was
getting
thinner
,
but
to
her
it
was
not
becoming
.
The
crumple
of
her
waist
at
the
back
,
as
she
bent
back
to
look
,
was
a
little
weary
;
and
it
used
to
be
so
gay
-
looking
.
And
the
longish
slope
of
her
haunches
and
her
buttocks
had
lost
its
gleam
and
its
sense
of
richness
.
Gone
!
Only
the
German
boy
had
loved
it
,
and
he
was
ten
years
dead
,
very
nearly
.
How
time
went
by
!
Ten
years
dead
,
and
she
was
only
twenty
-
seven
.
The
healthy
boy
with
his
fresh
,
clumsy
sensuality
that
she
had
then
been
so
scornful
of
!
Where
would
she
find
it
now
?
It
was
gone
out
of
men
.
They
had
their
pathetic
,
two
-
seconds
spasms
like
Michaelis
;
but
no
healthy
human
sensuality
,
that
warms
the
blood
and
freshens
the
whole
being
.
670
Still
she
thought
the
most
beautiful
part
of
her
was
the
long
-
sloping
fall
of
the
haunches
from
the
socket
of
the
back
,
and
the
slumberous
,
round
stillness
of
the
buttocks
.