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I
am
afraid
.
Not
of
life
,
or
death
,
or
nothingness
,
but
of
wasting
it
as
if
I
had
never
been
.
And
as
I
start
through
the
opening
,
I
feel
the
pressure
around
me
,
propelling
me
in
violent
wavelike
motions
toward
the
mouth
of
the
cave
.
It
’
s
too
small
!
I
can
’
t
get
through
!
And
suddenly
I
am
hurled
against
the
walls
,
again
and
again
,
and
forced
through
the
opening
where
the
light
threatens
to
burst
my
eyes
.
Again
,
I
know
I
will
pierce
the
crust
into
that
holy
light
.
More
than
I
can
bear
.
Pain
as
I
have
never
known
,
and
coldness
,
and
nausea
,
and
the
great
buzzing
over
my
head
flapping
like
a
thousand
wings
.
I
open
my
eyes
,
blinded
by
the
intense
light
.
And
flail
the
air
and
tremble
and
scream
.
I
came
out
of
it
at
the
insistence
of
a
hand
shaking
me
roughly
.
Dr
.
Strauss
.
"
Thank
God
,
"
he
said
,
when
I
looked
into
his
eyes
.
"
You
had
me
worried
.
"
I
shook
my
head
.
"
I
’
m
all
right
.
"
"
I
think
maybe
that
’
s
all
for
today
.
"
I
got
up
and
swayed
as
I
regained
my
perspective
.
The
room
seemed
very
small
.
"
Not
only
for
today
,
"
I
said
.
"
I
don
’
t
think
I
should
have
any
more
sessions
.
I
don
’
t
want
to
see
any
more
.
"
He
was
upset
,
but
he
didn
’
t
try
to
talk
me
out
of
it
.
I
took
my
hat
and
coat
and
left
.
And
now
—
Plato
’
s
words
mock
me
in
the
shadows
on
the
ledge
behind
the
flames
:
