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"
I
feel
strange
,
"
I
said
.
"
You
want
to
talk
about
it
?
"
Oh
,
how
brilliant
,
how
subtle
he
was
!
What
the
hell
was
I
doing
there
anyway
,
having
my
associations
absorbed
by
little
holes
in
the
ceiling
and
big
holes
in
my
therapist
?
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"
I
don
t
know
if
I
want
to
talk
about
it
,
"
I
said
.
"
I
feel
unusually
hostile
toward
you
today
.
"
And
then
I
told
him
what
I
had
been
thinking
.
Without
seeing
him
,
I
could
tell
he
was
nodding
to
himself
.
"
Its
hard
to
explain
,
"
I
said
.
"
A
feeling
I
ve
had
once
or
twice
before
,
just
before
I
fainted
.
A
lightheaded
-
ness
.
.
.
everything
intense
.
.
.
but
my
body
feels
cold
and
numb
.
.
.
"
"
Go
on
.
"
His
voice
had
an
edge
of
excitement
.
"
What
else
?
"
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"
I
can
t
feel
my
body
any
more
.
I
m
numb
.
I
have
the
feeling
that
Charlie
is
close
by
.
My
eyes
are
open
I
m
sure
of
that
are
they
?
"
"
Yes
,
wide
open
.
"
"
And
yet
I
see
a
blue
-
white
glow
from
the
walls
and
the
ceiling
gathering
into
a
shimmering
ball
.
Now
it
s
sus
­
pended
in
midair
.
Light
.
.
.
forcing
itself
into
my
eyes
.
.
.
and
my
brain
.
.
.
Everything
in
the
room
is
aglow
.
.
.
I
have
the
feeling
of
floating
.
.
.
or
rather
expanding
up
and
out
.
.
.
and
yet
without
looking
down
I
know
my
body
is
still
here
on
the
couch
.
.
.
.
"