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As
I
walked
,
the
ridiculous
words
drummed
them
­
selves
into
my
head
over
and
over
again
,
rising
to
the
rhythm
of
a
buzzing
noise
:
Three
blind
mice
.
.
.
three
blind
mice
,
See
how
they
run
!
See
how
they
run
!
They
all
run
after
the
farmer
s
wife
,
She
cut
off
their
tails
with
a
carving
knife
,
Did
you
ever
see
such
a
sight
in
your
life
,
As
three
.
.
.
blind
.
.
.
mice
?
I
tried
to
shut
it
out
of
my
ears
,
but
I
couldn
t
,
and
once
when
I
turned
to
look
back
at
the
house
and
the
porch
,
I
saw
the
face
of
a
boy
,
staring
at
me
,
his
cheek
pressed
against
the
window
pane
.
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October
3
Downhill
.
Thoughts
of
suicide
to
stop
it
all
now
while
I
am
still
in
control
and
aware
of
the
world
around
me
.
But
then
I
think
of
Charlie
waiting
at
the
window
.
His
life
is
not
mine
to
throw
away
.
I
ve
just
borrowed
it
for
a
while
,
and
now
I
m
being
asked
to
return
it
.
I
must
remember
I
m
the
only
person
this
ever
hap
­
pened
to
.
As
long
as
I
can
,
I
ve
got
to
keep
putting
down
my
thoughts
and
feelings
.
These
progress
reports
are
Char
­
lie
Gordon
s
contribution
to
mankind
.
I
have
become
edgy
and
irritable
.
Having
fights
with
people
in
the
building
about
playing
the
hi
-
fi
set
late
at
night
.
I
ve
been
doing
that
a
lot
since
I
ve
stopped
playing
the
piano
.
It
isn
t
right
to
keep
it
going
all
hours
,
but
I
do
it
to
keep
myself
awake
.
I
know
I
should
sleep
,
but
I
be
­
grudge
every
second
of
waking
time
.
It
s
not
just
because
of
the
nightmares
;
it
s
because
I
m
afraid
of
letting
go
.
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I
tell
myself
there
ll
be
time
enough
to
sleep
later
,
when
it
s
dark
.
Mr
.
Vernor
in
the
apartment
below
never
used
to
complain
,
but
now
he
s
always
banging
on
the
pipes
or
on
the
ceiling
of
his
apartment
so
that
I
hear
the
pounding
beneath
my
feet
.
I
ignored
it
at
first
,
but
last
night
he
came
up
in
his
bathrobe
.
We
quarreled
,
and
I
slammed
the
door
in
his
face
.
An
hour
later
he
was
back
with
a
policeman
who
told
me
I
couldn
t
play
records
that
loudly
at
4
a
.
m
.
The
smile
on
Vernor
s
face
so
enraged
me
that
it
was
all
I
could
do
to
keep
from
hitting
him
.
When
they
left
I
smashed
all
the
records
and
the
machine
.
I
ve
been
kidding
myself
anyway
.
I
don
t
really
like
that
kind
of
music
any
more
.