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I
told
him
I
had
wondered
about
it
when
we
came
into
his
office
.
"
Well
,
how
many
people
do
you
know
who
are
pre
­
pared
to
take
a
grown
man
into
his
arms
and
let
him
nurse
with
the
bottle
?
And
take
the
chance
of
having
the
patient
urinate
or
defecate
all
over
him
?
You
look
surprised
.
You
can
t
understand
it
,
can
you
,
from
way
up
there
in
your
research
ivory
tower
?
What
do
you
know
about
being
shut
out
from
every
human
experience
as
our
patients
have
been
?
"
I
couldn
t
restrain
a
smile
,
and
he
apparently
misun
­
derstood
,
because
he
stood
up
and
ended
the
conversation
abruptly
.
If
I
come
back
here
to
stay
,
and
he
finds
out
the
whole
story
,
I
m
sure
he
ll
understand
.
He
s
the
kind
of
man
who
would
.
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As
I
drove
out
of
Warren
,
I
didn
t
know
what
to
think
.
The
feeling
of
cold
grayness
was
everywhere
around
me
a
sense
of
resignation
.
There
had
been
no
talk
of
rehabili
­
tation
,
of
cure
,
of
someday
sending
these
people
out
into
the
world
again
.
No
one
had
spoken
of
hope
.
The
feeling
was
of
living
death
or
worse
,
of
never
having
been
fully
alive
and
knowing
.
Souls
withered
from
the
beginning
,
and
doomed
to
stare
into
the
time
and
space
of
every
day
.
I
wondered
about
the
house
-
mother
with
her
red
-
blotched
face
,
and
the
stuttering
shop
teacher
,
and
the
motherly
principal
,
and
youthful
tired
-
looking
psycholo
­
gist
,
and
wished
I
knew
how
they
had
found
their
way
here
to
work
and
dedicate
themselves
to
these
silent
minds
.
Like
the
boy
who
held
the
younger
one
in
his
arms
,
each
had
found
a
fulfillment
in
giving
away
a
part
of
himself
to
those
who
had
less
.
And
what
about
the
things
I
wasn
t
shown
?
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I
may
soon
be
coming
to
Warren
,
to
spend
the
rest
of
my
life
with
the
others
.
.
.
waiting
.
July
15
I
ve
been
putting
off
a
visit
to
my
mother
.
I
want
to
see
her
and
I
don
t
.
Not
until
I
m
sure
what
is
going
to
happen
to
me
.
Let
s
see
first
how
the
work
goes
and
what
I
discover
.