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- Даниэл Киз
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- Цветы для Элджернона
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- Стр. 153/233
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"
Yes
,
I
wanted
you
,
but
I
wasn
’
t
really
making
love
to
you
.
I
was
going
to
use
you
—
in
a
way
—
but
I
can
’
t
ex
plain
.
I
don
’
t
understand
it
myself
.
Let
’
s
just
say
I
’
m
not
ready
yet
.
And
I
can
’
t
fake
it
or
cheat
or
pretend
it
’
s
all
right
when
it
’
s
not
.
It
’
s
just
another
blind
alley
.
"
I
got
up
to
go
.
"
Charlie
,
don
’
t
run
away
again
.
"
"
I
’
m
through
running
.
I
’
ve
got
work
to
do
.
Tell
them
I
’
ll
be
back
to
the
lab
in
a
few
days
—
as
soon
as
I
get
con
trol
of
myself
.
"
I
left
the
apartment
in
a
frenzy
.
Downstairs
,
in
front
of
the
building
,
I
stood
,
not
knowing
which
way
to
go
.
No
matter
which
path
I
took
I
got
a
shock
that
meant
another
mistake
.
Every
path
was
blocked
.
But
,
God
.
.
.
everything
I
did
,
everywhere
I
turned
,
doors
were
closed
to
me
.
There
was
no
place
to
enter
.
No
street
,
no
room
,
no
woman
.
Finally
,
I
stumbled
down
into
the
subway
and
took
it
down
to
Forty
-
ninth
Street
.
Not
many
people
,
but
there
was
a
blonde
with
long
hair
who
reminded
me
of
Fay
.
Heading
toward
the
crosstown
bus
,
I
passed
a
liquor
store
,
and
without
thinking
about
it
,
I
went
in
and
bought
a
fifth
of
gin
.
While
I
waited
for
the
bus
,
I
opened
the
bottle
in
the
bag
as
I
had
seen
bums
do
,
and
I
took
a
long
,
deep
drink
.
It
burned
all
the
way
down
,
but
it
felt
good
.
I
took
another
—
just
a
sip
—
and
by
the
time
the
bus
came
,
I
was
bathed
in
a
powerful
tingling
sensation
.
I
didn
’
t
take
any
more
.
I
didn
’
t
want
to
get
drunk
now
.
When
I
got
to
the
apartment
,
I
knocked
at
Fay
’
s
door
.
There
was
no
answer
.
I
opened
the
door
and
looked
in
.
She
hadn
’
t
come
in
yet
,
but
all
the
lights
were
on
in
the
place
.
She
didn
’
t
give
a
damn
about
anything
.
Why
couldn
’
t
I
be
that
way
?
I
went
to
my
own
place
to
wait
.
I
undressed
,
took
a
shower
and
put
on
a
robe
.
I
prayed
that
this
wouldn
’
t
be
one
of
the
nights
that
someone
came
home
with
her
.
