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Seeing
her
face
in
the
newspaper
,
I
suddenly
hated
her
.
It
would
have
been
better
if
she
had
ignored
the
doc
­
tors
and
teachers
and
others
who
were
so
in
a
hurry
to
con
­
vince
her
that
I
was
a
moron
,
turning
her
away
from
me
so
that
she
gave
me
less
love
when
I
needed
more
.
What
good
would
it
do
to
see
her
now
?
What
could
she
tell
me
about
myself
?
And
yet
,
I
m
curious
.
How
would
she
react
?
To
see
her
and
trace
back
to
learn
what
I
was
?
Or
to
forget
her
?
Is
the
past
worth
knowing
?
Why
is
it
so
impor
­
tant
for
me
to
say
to
her
:
"
Mom
,
look
at
me
.
I
m
not
re
­
tarded
any
more
.
I
m
normal
.
Better
than
normal
.
I
m
a
genius
?
"
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Even
as
I
try
to
get
her
out
of
my
mind
,
the
memories
seep
back
from
the
past
to
contaminate
the
here
and
now
.
Another
memory
when
I
was
much
older
.
A
quarrel
.
Charlie
lying
in
bed
,
with
the
covers
pulled
up
around
him
.
The
room
dark
,
except
for
the
thin
line
of
yellow
light
from
the
door
ajar
that
penetrates
the
darkness
to
join
both
worlds
.
And
he
hears
things
,
not
understanding
but
feeling
,
because
the
rasp
of
their
voices
is
linked
to
their
talk
of
him
.
More
and
more
,
each
day
,
he
comes
to
associ
­
ate
that
tone
with
a
frown
when
they
speak
of
him
.
He
has
been
almost
asleep
when
through
the
bar
of
light
the
soft
voices
were
raised
to
the
pitch
of
argument
his
mother
s
voice
sharp
with
the
threat
of
one
used
to
hav
­
ing
her
way
through
hysteria
.
"
He
s
got
to
be
sent
away
.
I
don
t
want
him
in
the
house
any
mote
with
her
.
Call
Dr
.
Portman
and
tell
him
we
want
to
send
Charlie
to
the
War
­
ren
State
Home
.
"
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My
father
s
voice
is
firm
,
steadying
.
"
But
you
know
Charlie
wouldn
t
harm
her
.
It
can
t
make
any
difference
to
her
at
this
age
.
"
"
How
do
we
know
?
Maybe
it
has
a
bad
effect
on
a
child
to
grow
up
with
.
.
.
someone
like
him
in
the
house
.
"
"
Dr
.
Portman
said
"