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- Чарльз Диккенс
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- Крошка Доррит
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- Стр. 609/761
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Nevertheless
,
I
so
loved
that
unworthy
girl
that
my
life
was
made
stormy
by
my
fondness
for
her
.
I
was
constantly
lectured
and
disgraced
for
what
was
called
‘
trying
her
;
’
in
other
words
charging
her
with
her
little
perfidy
and
throwing
her
into
tears
by
showing
her
that
I
read
her
heart
.
However
,
I
loved
her
faithfully
;
and
one
time
I
went
home
with
her
for
the
holidays
.
She
was
worse
at
home
than
she
had
been
at
school
.
She
had
a
crowd
of
cousins
and
acquaintances
,
and
we
had
dances
at
her
house
,
and
went
out
to
dances
at
other
houses
,
and
,
both
at
home
and
out
,
she
tormented
my
love
beyond
endurance
.
Her
plan
was
,
to
make
them
all
fond
of
her
—
and
so
drive
me
wild
with
jealousy
.
To
be
familiar
and
endearing
with
them
all
—
and
so
make
me
mad
with
envying
them
.
When
we
were
left
alone
in
our
bedroom
at
night
,
I
would
reproach
her
with
my
perfect
knowledge
of
her
baseness
;
and
then
she
would
cry
and
cry
and
say
I
was
cruel
,
and
then
I
would
hold
her
in
my
arms
till
morning
:
loving
her
as
much
as
ever
,
and
often
feeling
as
if
,
rather
than
suffer
so
,
I
could
so
hold
her
in
my
arms
and
plunge
to
the
bottom
of
a
river
—
where
I
would
still
hold
her
after
we
were
both
dead
.
It
came
to
an
end
,
and
I
was
relieved
.
In
the
family
there
was
an
aunt
who
was
not
fond
of
me
.
I
doubt
if
any
of
the
family
liked
me
much
;
but
I
never
wanted
them
to
like
me
,
being
altogether
bound
up
in
the
one
girl
.
The
aunt
was
a
young
woman
,
and
she
had
a
serious
way
with
her
eyes
of
watching
me
.
She
was
an
audacious
woman
,
and
openly
looked
compassionately
at
me
.
After
one
of
the
nights
that
I
have
spoken
of
,
I
came
down
into
a
greenhouse
before
breakfast
.
Charlotte
(
the
name
of
my
false
young
friend
)
had
gone
down
before
me
,
and
I
heard
this
aunt
speaking
to
her
about
me
as
I
entered
.
I
stopped
where
I
was
,
among
the
leaves
,
and
listened
.
The
aunt
said
,
‘
Charlotte
,
Miss
Wade
is
wearing
you
to
death
,
and
this
must
not
continue
.
’
I
repeat
the
very
words
I
heard
.
Now
,
what
did
she
answer
?
Did
she
say
,
‘
It
is
I
who
am
wearing
her
to
death
,
I
who
am
keeping
her
on
a
rack
and
am
the
executioner
,
yet
she
tells
me
every
night
that
she
loves
me
devotedly
,
though
she
knows
what
I
make
her
undergo
?
’
No
;
my
first
memorable
experience
was
true
to
what
I
knew
her
to
be
,
and
to
all
my
experience
.
She
began
sobbing
and
weeping
(
to
secure
the
aunt
’
s
sympathy
to
herself
)
,
and
said
,
‘
Dear
aunt
,
she
has
an
unhappy
temper
;
other
girls
at
school
,
besides
I
,
try
hard
to
make
it
better
;
we
all
try
hard
.
’
Upon
that
the
aunt
fondled
her
,
as
if
she
had
said
something
noble
instead
of
despicable
and
false
,
and
kept
up
the
infamous
pretence
by
replying
,
‘
But
there
are
reasonable
limits
,
my
dear
love
,
to
everything
,
and
I
see
that
this
poor
miserable
girl
causes
you
more
constant
and
useless
distress
than
even
so
good
an
effort
justifies
.
’
The
poor
miserable
girl
came
out
of
her
concealment
,
as
you
may
be
prepared
to
hear
,
and
said
,
‘
Send
me
home
.
’
I
never
said
another
word
to
either
of
them
,
or
to
any
of
them
,
but
‘
Send
me
home
,
or
I
will
walk
home
alone
,
night
and
day
!
’
When
I
got
home
,
I
told
my
supposed
grandmother
that
,
unless
I
was
sent
away
to
finish
my
education
somewhere
else
before
that
girl
came
back
,
or
before
any
one
of
them
came
back
,
I
would
burn
my
sight
away
by
throwing
myself
into
the
fire
,
rather
than
I
would
endure
to
look
at
their
plotting
faces
.
I
went
among
young
women
next
,
and
I
found
them
no
better
.
Fair
words
and
fair
pretences
;
but
I
penetrated
below
those
assertions
of
themselves
and
depreciations
of
me
,
and
they
were
no
better
.
Before
I
left
them
,
I
learned
that
I
had
no
grandmother
and
no
recognised
relation
.
I
carried
the
light
of
that
information
both
into
my
past
and
into
my
future
.
It
showed
me
many
new
occasions
on
which
people
triumphed
over
me
,
when
they
made
a
pretence
of
treating
me
with
consideration
,
or
doing
me
a
service
.
