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- Чарльз Диккенс
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How
much
of
my
ungracious
condition
of
mind
may
have
been
my
own
fault
,
how
much
Miss
Havisham
’
s
,
how
much
my
sister
’
s
,
is
now
of
no
moment
to
me
or
to
any
one
.
The
change
was
made
in
me
;
the
thing
was
done
.
Well
or
ill
done
,
excusably
or
inexcusably
,
it
was
done
.
Once
,
it
had
seemed
to
me
that
when
I
should
at
last
roll
up
my
shirt
-
sleeves
and
go
into
the
forge
,
Joe
’
s
’
prentice
,
I
should
be
distinguished
and
happy
.
Now
the
reality
was
in
my
hold
,
I
only
felt
that
I
was
dusty
with
the
dust
of
small
-
coal
,
and
that
I
had
a
weight
upon
my
daily
remembrance
to
which
the
anvil
was
a
feather
.
There
have
been
occasions
in
my
later
life
(
I
suppose
as
in
most
lives
)
when
I
have
felt
for
a
time
as
if
a
thick
curtain
had
fallen
on
all
its
interest
and
romance
,
to
shut
me
out
from
anything
save
dull
endurance
any
more
.
Never
has
that
curtain
dropped
so
heavy
and
blank
,
as
when
my
way
in
life
lay
stretched
out
straight
before
me
through
the
newly
entered
road
of
apprenticeship
to
Joe
.
I
remember
that
at
a
later
period
of
my
"
time
,
"
I
used
to
stand
about
the
churchyard
on
Sunday
evenings
when
night
was
falling
,
comparing
my
own
perspective
with
the
windy
marsh
view
,
and
making
out
some
likeness
between
them
by
thinking
how
flat
and
low
both
were
,
and
how
on
both
there
came
an
unknown
way
and
a
dark
mist
and
then
the
sea
.
I
was
quite
as
dejected
on
the
first
working
-
day
of
my
apprenticeship
as
in
that
after
-
time
;
but
I
am
glad
to
know
that
I
never
breathed
a
murmur
to
Joe
while
my
indentures
lasted
.
It
is
about
the
only
thing
I
am
glad
to
know
of
myself
in
that
connection
.
For
,
though
it
includes
what
I
proceed
to
add
,
all
the
merit
of
what
I
proceed
to
add
was
Joe
’
s
.
It
was
not
because
I
was
faithful
,
but
because
Joe
was
faithful
,
that
I
never
ran
away
and
went
for
a
soldier
or
a
sailor
.
It
was
not
because
I
had
a
strong
sense
of
the
virtue
of
industry
,
but
because
Joe
had
a
strong
sense
of
the
virtue
of
industry
,
that
I
worked
with
tolerable
zeal
against
the
grain
It
is
not
possible
to
know
how
far
the
influence
of
any
amiable
honest
-
hearted
duty
-
doing
man
flies
out
into
the
world
;
but
it
is
very
possible
to
know
how
it
has
touched
one
’
s
self
in
going
by
,
and
I
know
right
well
that
any
good
that
intermixed
itself
with
my
apprenticeship
came
of
plain
contented
Joe
,
and
not
of
restlessly
aspiring
discontented
me
.
What
I
wanted
,
who
can
say
?
How
can
I
say
,
when
I
never
knew
?
What
I
dreaded
was
,
that
in
some
unlucky
hour
I
,
being
at
my
grimiest
and
commonest
,
should
lift
up
my
eyes
and
see
Estella
looking
in
at
one
of
the
wooden
windows
of
the
forge
.
I
was
haunted
by
the
fear
that
she
would
,
sooner
or
later
,
find
me
out
,
with
a
black
face
and
hands
,
doing
the
coarsest
part
of
my
work
,
and
would
exult
over
me
and
despise
me
.
Often
after
dark
,
when
I
was
pulling
the
bellows
for
Joe
,
and
we
were
singing
Old
Clem
,
and
when
the
thought
how
we
used
to
sing
it
at
Miss
Havisham
’
s
would
seem
to
show
me
Estella
’
s
face
in
the
fire
,
with
her
pretty
hair
fluttering
in
the
wind
and
her
eyes
scorning
me
—
often
at
such
a
time
I
would
look
towards
those
panels
of
black
night
in
the
wall
which
the
wooden
windows
then
were
,
and
would
fancy
that
I
saw
her
just
drawing
her
face
away
,
and
would
believe
that
she
had
come
at
last
.
After
that
,
when
we
went
in
to
supper
,
the
place
and
the
meal
would
have
a
more
homely
look
than
ever
,
and
I
would
feel
more
ashamed
of
home
than
ever
,
in
my
own
ungracious
breast
.
As
I
was
getting
too
big
for
Mr
.
Wopsle
’
s
great
-
aunt
’
s
room
,
my
education
under
that
preposterous
female
terminated
.
Not
,
however
,
until
Biddy
had
imparted
to
me
everything
she
knew
,
from
the
little
catalogue
of
prices
,
to
a
comic
song
she
had
once
bought
for
a
half
-
penny
.
Although
the
only
coherent
part
of
the
latter
piece
of
literature
were
the
opening
lines
,
When
I
went
to
Lunnon
town
sirs
,
Too
rul
loo
rul
Too
rul
loo
rul
Wasn
’
t
I
done
very
brown
sirs
?
Too
rul
loo
rul
Too
rul
loo
rul
