Большие ожидания/High expectations (Чарльз Диккенс). Страница 114 из 435

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"

Ah

!

"

said

Biddy

,

quite

in

a

whisper

,

as

she

looked

away

at

the

ships

.

And

then

repeated

,

with

her

former

pleasant

change

,

"

shall

we

walk

a

little

farther

,

or

go

home

?

"

I

said

to

Biddy

we

would

walk

a

little

farther

,

and

we

did

so

,

and

the

summer

afternoon

toned

down

into

the

summer

evening

,

and

it

was

very

beautiful

.

I

began

to

consider

whether

I

was

not

more

naturally

and

wholesomely

situated

,

after

all

,

in

these

circumstances

,

than

playing

beggar

my

neighbor

by

candle

-

light

in

the

room

with

the

stopped

clocks

,

and

being

despised

by

Estella

.

I

thought

it

would

be

very

good

for

me

if

I

could

get

her

out

of

my

head

,

with

all

the

rest

of

those

remembrances

and

fancies

,

and

could

go

to

work

determined

to

relish

what

I

had

to

do

,

and

stick

to

it

,

and

make

the

best

of

it

.

I

asked

myself

the

question

whether

I

did

not

surely

know

that

if

Estella

were

beside

me

at

that

moment

instead

of

Biddy

,

she

would

make

me

miserable

?

I

was

obliged

to

admit

that

I

did

know

it

for

a

certainty

,

and

I

said

to

myself

,

"

Pip

,

what

a

fool

you

are

!

"

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We

talked

a

good

deal

as

we

walked

,

and

all

that

Biddy

said

seemed

right

.

Biddy

was

never

insulting

,

or

capricious

,

or

Biddy

to

-

day

and

somebody

else

to

-

morrow

;

she

would

have

derived

only

pain

,

and

no

pleasure

,

from

giving

me

pain

;

she

would

far

rather

have

wounded

her

own

breast

than

mine

.

How

could

it

be

,

then

,

that

I

did

not

like

her

much

the

better

of

the

two

?

"

Biddy

,

"

said

I

,

when

we

were

walking

homeward

,

"

I

wish

you

could

put

me

right

.

"

"

I

wish

I

could

!

"

said

Biddy

.

"

If

I

could

only

get

myself

to

fall

in

love

with

you

—

you

don

’

t

mind

my

speaking

so

openly

to

such

an

old

acquaintance

?

"

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"

Oh

dear

,

not

at

all

!

"

said

Biddy

.

"

Don

’

t

mind

me

.

"

"

If

I

could

only

get

myself

to

do

it

,

that

would

be

the

thing

for

me

.

"

"

But

you

never

will

,

you

see

,

"

said

Biddy

.

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