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- Авторы
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- Чарльз Диккенс
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- Дэвид Копперфильд
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- Стр. 758/820
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I
could
not
forget
that
the
feeling
with
which
she
now
regarded
me
had
grown
up
in
my
own
free
choice
and
course
.
That
if
she
had
ever
loved
me
with
another
love
—
and
I
sometimes
thought
the
time
was
when
she
might
have
done
so
—
I
had
cast
it
away
.
It
was
nothing
,
now
,
that
I
had
accustomed
myself
to
think
of
her
,
when
we
were
both
mere
children
,
as
one
who
was
far
removed
from
my
wild
fancies
.
I
had
bestowed
my
passionate
tenderness
upon
another
object
;
and
what
I
might
have
done
,
I
had
not
done
;
and
what
Agnes
was
to
me
,
I
and
her
own
noble
heart
had
made
her
.
In
the
beginning
of
the
change
that
gradually
worked
in
me
,
when
I
tried
to
get
a
better
understanding
of
myself
and
be
a
better
man
,
I
did
glance
,
through
some
indefinite
probation
,
to
a
period
when
I
might
possibly
hope
to
cancel
the
mistaken
past
,
and
to
be
so
blessed
as
to
marry
her
.
But
,
as
time
wore
on
,
this
shadowy
prospect
faded
,
and
departed
from
me
.
If
she
had
ever
loved
me
,
then
,
I
should
hold
her
the
more
sacred
;
remembering
the
confidences
I
had
reposed
in
her
,
her
knowledge
of
my
errant
heart
,
the
sacrifice
she
must
have
made
to
be
my
friend
and
sister
,
and
the
victory
she
had
won
.
If
she
had
never
loved
me
,
could
I
believe
that
she
would
love
me
now
?
I
had
always
felt
my
weakness
,
in
comparison
with
her
constancy
and
fortitude
;
and
now
I
felt
it
more
and
more
.
Whatever
I
might
have
been
to
her
,
or
she
to
me
,
if
I
had
been
more
worthy
of
her
long
ago
,
I
was
not
now
,
and
she
was
not
.
The
time
was
past
.
I
had
let
it
go
by
,
and
had
deservedly
lost
her
.
That
I
suffered
much
in
these
contentions
,
that
they
filled
me
with
unhappiness
and
remorse
,
and
yet
that
I
had
a
sustaining
sense
that
it
was
required
of
me
,
in
right
and
honour
,
to
keep
away
from
myself
,
with
shame
,
the
thought
of
turning
to
the
dear
girl
in
the
withering
of
my
hopes
,
from
whom
I
had
frivolously
turned
when
they
were
bright
and
fresh
—
which
consideration
was
at
the
root
of
every
thought
I
had
concerning
her
—
is
all
equally
true
.
I
made
no
effort
to
conceal
from
myself
,
now
,
that
I
loved
her
,
that
I
was
devoted
to
her
;
but
I
brought
the
assurance
home
to
myself
,
that
it
was
now
too
late
,
and
that
our
long
-
subsisting
relation
must
be
undisturbed
.
I
had
thought
,
much
and
often
,
of
my
Dora
’
s
shadowing
out
to
me
what
might
have
happened
,
in
those
years
that
were
destined
not
to
try
us
;
I
had
considered
how
the
things
that
never
happen
,
are
often
as
much
realities
to
us
,
in
their
effects
,
as
those
that
are
accomplished
.
The
very
years
she
spoke
of
,
were
realities
now
,
for
my
correction
;
and
would
have
been
,
one
day
,
a
little
later
perhaps
,
though
we
had
parted
in
our
earliest
folly
.
I
endeavoured
to
convert
what
might
have
been
between
myself
and
Agnes
,
into
a
means
of
making
me
more
self
-
denying
,
more
resolved
,
more
conscious
of
myself
,
and
my
defects
and
errors
.
Thus
,
through
the
reflection
that
it
might
have
been
,
I
arrived
at
the
conviction
that
it
could
never
be
.
These
,
with
their
perplexities
and
inconsistencies
,
were
the
shifting
quicksands
of
my
mind
,
from
the
time
of
my
departure
to
the
time
of
my
return
home
,
three
years
afterwards
.
Three
years
had
elapsed
since
the
sailing
of
the
emigrant
ship
;
when
,
at
that
same
hour
of
sunset
,
and
in
the
same
place
,
I
stood
on
the
deck
of
the
packet
vessel
that
brought
me
home
,
looking
on
the
rosy
water
where
I
had
seen
the
image
of
that
ship
reflected
.
Three
years
.
Long
in
the
aggregate
,
though
short
as
they
went
by
And
home
was
very
dear
to
me
,
and
Agnes
too
—
but
she
was
not
mine
-
she
was
never
to
be
mine
.
She
might
have
been
,
but
that
was
past
!
Ilanded
in
London
on
a
wintry
autumn
evening
.
It
was
dark
and
raining
,
and
I
saw
more
fog
and
mud
in
a
minute
than
I
had
seen
in
a
year
.
I
walked
from
the
Custom
House
to
the
Monument
before
I
found
a
coach
;
and
although
the
very
house
-
fronts
,
looking
on
the
swollen
gutters
,
were
like
old
friends
to
me
,
I
could
not
but
admit
that
they
were
very
dingy
friends
.
