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I
hope
it
is
not
self
-
indulgent
to
shed
these
tears
as
I
think
of
it
.
I
am
very
thankful
,
I
am
very
cheerful
,
but
I
cannot
quite
help
their
coming
to
my
eyes
.
There
!
I
have
wiped
them
away
now
and
can
go
on
again
properly
.
I
felt
the
distance
between
my
godmother
and
myself
so
much
more
after
the
birthday
,
and
felt
so
sensible
of
filling
a
place
in
her
house
which
ought
to
have
been
empty
,
that
I
found
her
more
difficult
of
approach
,
though
I
was
fervently
grateful
to
her
in
my
heart
,
than
ever
.
I
felt
in
the
same
way
towards
my
school
companions
;
I
felt
in
the
same
way
towards
Mrs
.
Rachael
,
who
was
a
widow
;
and
oh
,
towards
her
daughter
,
of
whom
she
was
proud
,
who
came
to
see
her
once
a
fortnight
!
I
was
very
retired
and
quiet
,
and
tried
to
be
very
diligent
.
One
sunny
afternoon
when
I
had
come
home
from
school
with
my
books
and
portfolio
,
watching
my
long
shadow
at
my
side
,
and
as
I
was
gliding
upstairs
to
my
room
as
usual
,
my
godmother
looked
out
of
the
parlour
-
door
and
called
me
back
.
Sitting
with
her
,
I
found
—
which
was
very
unusual
indeed
—
a
stranger
.
A
portly
,
important
-
looking
gentleman
,
dressed
all
in
black
,
with
a
white
cravat
,
large
gold
watch
seals
,
a
pair
of
gold
eye
-
glasses
,
and
a
large
seal
-
ring
upon
his
little
finger
.
"
This
,
"
said
my
godmother
in
an
undertone
,
"
is
the
child
.
"
Then
she
said
in
her
naturally
stern
way
of
speaking
,
"
This
is
Esther
,
sir
.
"
The
gentleman
put
up
his
eye
-
glasses
to
look
at
me
and
said
,
"
Come
here
,
my
dear
!
"
He
shook
hands
with
me
and
asked
me
to
take
off
my
bonnet
,
looking
at
me
all
the
while
.
When
I
had
complied
,
he
said
,
"
Ah
!
"
and
afterwards
"
Yes
!
"
And
then
,
taking
off
his
eye
-
glasses
and
folding
them
in
a
red
case
,
and
leaning
back
in
his
arm
-
chair
,
turning
the
case
about
in
his
two
hands
,
he
gave
my
godmother
a
nod
.
Upon
that
,
my
godmother
said
,
"
You
may
go
upstairs
,
Esther
!
"
And
I
made
him
my
curtsy
and
left
him
.
It
must
have
been
two
years
afterwards
,
and
I
was
almost
fourteen
,
when
one
dreadful
night
my
godmother
and
I
sat
at
the
fireside
.
I
was
reading
aloud
,
and
she
was
listening
.
I
had
come
down
at
nine
o
’
clock
as
I
always
did
to
read
the
Bible
to
her
,
and
was
reading
from
St
.
John
how
our
Saviour
stooped
down
,
writing
with
his
finger
in
the
dust
,
when
they
brought
the
sinful
woman
to
him
.
"
So
when
they
continued
asking
him
,
he
lifted
up
himself
and
said
unto
them
,
’
He
that
is
without
sin
among
you
,
let
him
first
cast
a
stone
at
her
!
’
"
I
was
stopped
by
my
godmother
’
s
rising
,
putting
her
hand
to
her
head
,
and
crying
out
in
an
awful
voice
from
quite
another
part
of
the
book
,
"
’
Watch
ye
,
therefore
,
lest
coming
suddenly
he
find
you
sleeping
.
And
what
I
say
unto
you
,
I
say
unto
all
,
Watch
!
’
"
In
an
instant
,
while
she
stood
before
me
repeating
these
words
,
she
fell
down
on
the
floor
.
I
had
no
need
to
cry
out
;
her
voice
had
sounded
through
the
house
and
been
heard
in
the
street
.
She
was
laid
upon
her
bed
.
For
more
than
a
week
she
lay
there
,
little
altered
outwardly
,
with
her
old
handsome
resolute
frown
that
I
so
well
knew
carved
upon
her
face
.
Many
and
many
a
time
,
in
the
day
and
in
the
night
,
with
my
head
upon
the
pillow
by
her
that
my
whispers
might
be
plainer
to
her
,
I
kissed
her
,
thanked
her
,
prayed
for
her
,
asked
her
for
her
blessing
and
forgiveness
,
entreated
her
to
give
me
the
least
sign
that
she
knew
or
heard
me
.
No
,
no
,
no
.
Her
face
was
immovable
.
To
the
very
last
,
and
even
afterwards
,
her
frown
remained
unsoftened
.
On
the
day
after
my
poor
good
godmother
was
buried
,
the
gentleman
in
black
with
the
white
neckcloth
reappeared
.
I
was
sent
for
by
Mrs
.
Rachael
,
and
found
him
in
the
same
place
,
as
if
he
had
never
gone
away
.
"
My
name
is
Kenge
,
"
he
said
;
"
you
may
remember
it
,
my
child
;
Kenge
and
Carboy
,
Lincoln
’
s
Inn
.
"
I
replied
that
I
remembered
to
have
seen
him
once
before
.
"
Pray
be
seated
—
here
near
me
.
Don
’
t
distress
yourself
;
it
’
s
of
no
use
.
Mrs
.
Rachael
,
I
needn
’
t
inform
you
who
were
acquainted
with
the
late
Miss
Barbary
’
s
affairs
,
that
her
means
die
with
her
and
that
this
young
lady
,
now
her
aunt
is
dead
—
"
"
My
aunt
,
sir
!
"
"
It
is
really
of
no
use
carrying
on
a
deception
when
no
object
is
to
be
gained
by
it
,
"
said
Mr
.
Kenge
smoothly
,
"
Aunt
in
fact
,
though
not
in
law
.
Don
’
t
distress
yourself
!
Don
’
t
weep
!
Don
’
t
tremble
!
Mrs
.
Rachael
,
our
young
friend
has
no
doubt
heard
of
—
the
—
a
—
Jarndyce
and
Jarndyce
.
"
"
Never
,
"
said
Mrs
.
Rachael
.
"
Is
it
possible
,
"
pursued
Mr
.
Kenge
,
putting
up
his
eye
-
glasses
,
"
that
our
young
friend
—
I
BEG
you
won
’
t
distress
yourself
!
—
never
heard
of
Jarndyce
and
Jarndyce
!
"
I
shook
my
head
,
wondering
even
what
it
was
.
"
Not
of
Jarndyce
and
Jarndyce
?
"
said
Mr
.
Kenge
,
looking
over
his
glasses
at
me
and
softly
turning
the
case
about
and
about
as
if
he
were
petting
something
.
"
Not
of
one
of
the
greatest
Chancery
suits
known
?
Not
of
Jarndyce
and
Jarndyce
—
the
—
a
—
in
itself
a
monument
of
Chancery
practice
.
In
which
(
I
would
say
)
every
difficulty
,
every
contingency
,
every
masterly
fiction
,
every
form
of
procedure
known
in
that
court
,
is
represented
over
and
over
again
?
It
is
a
cause
that
could
not
exist
out
of
this
free
and
great
country
.
I
should
say
that
the
aggregate
of
costs
in
Jarndyce
and
Jarndyce
,
Mrs
.
Rachael
"
—
I
was
afraid
he
addressed
himself
to
her
because
I
appeared
inattentive
"
—
amounts
at
the
present
hour
to
from
SIX
-
ty
to
SEVEN
-
ty
THOUSAND
POUNDS
!
"
said
Mr
.
Kenge
,
leaning
back
in
his
chair
.
I
felt
very
ignorant
,
but
what
could
I
do
?
I
was
so
entirely
unacquainted
with
the
subject
that
I
understood
nothing
about
it
even
then
.
"
And
she
really
never
heard
of
the
cause
!
"
said
Mr
.
Kenge
.
"
Surprising
!
"
"
Miss
Barbary
,
sir
,
"
returned
Mrs
.
Rachael
,
"
who
is
now
among
the
Seraphim
—
"
"
I
hope
so
,
I
am
sure
,
"
said
Mr
.
Kenge
politely
.
"
—
Wished
Esther
only
to
know
what
would
be
serviceable
to
her
.
And
she
knows
,
from
any
teaching
she
has
had
here
,
nothing
more
.
"
"
Well
!
"
said
Mr
.
Kenge
.
"
Upon
the
whole
,
very
proper
.
Now
to
the
point
,
"
addressing
me
.
"
Miss
Barbary
,
your
sole
relation
(
in
fact
that
is
,
for
I
am
bound
to
observe
that
in
law
you
had
none
)
being
deceased
and
it
naturally
not
being
to
be
expected
that
Mrs
.
Rachael
—
"
"
Oh
,
dear
no
!
"
said
Mrs
.
Rachael
quickly
.
"
Quite
so
,
"
assented
Mr
.
Kenge
;
"
—
that
Mrs
.
Rachael
should
charge
herself
with
your
maintenance
and
support
(
I
beg
you
won
’
t
distress
yourself
)
,
you
are
in
a
position
to
receive
the
renewal
of
an
offer
which
I
was
instructed
to
make
to
Miss
Barbary
some
two
years
ago
and
which
,
though
rejected
then
,
was
understood
to
be
renewable
under
the
lamentable
circumstances
that
have
since
occurred
.
Now
,
if
I
avow
that
I
represent
,
in
Jarndyce
and
Jarndyce
and
otherwise
,
a
highly
humane
,
but
at
the
same
time
singular
,
man
,
shall
I
compromise
myself
by
any
stretch
of
my
professional
caution
?
"
said
Mr
.
Kenge
,
leaning
back
in
his
chair
again
and
looking
calmly
at
us
both
.
He
appeared
to
enjoy
beyond
everything
the
sound
of
his
own
voice
.
I
couldn
’
t
wonder
at
that
,
for
it
was
mellow
and
full
and
gave
great
importance
to
every
word
he
uttered
.
He
listened
to
himself
with
obvious
satisfaction
and
sometimes
gently
beat
time
to
his
own
music
with
his
head
or
rounded
a
sentence
with
his
hand
.
I
was
very
much
impressed
by
him
—
even
then
,
before
I
knew
that
he
formed
himself
on
the
model
of
a
great
lord
who
was
his
client
and
that
he
was
generally
called
Conversation
Kenge
.
"
Mr
.
Jarndyce
,
"
he
pursued
,
"
being
aware
of
the
—
I
would
say
,
desolate
—
position
of
our
young
friend
,
offers
to
place
her
at
a
first
-
rate
establishment
where
her
education
shall
be
completed
,
where
her
comfort
shall
be
secured
,
where
her
reasonable
wants
shall
be
anticipated
,
where
she
shall
be
eminently
qualified
to
discharge
her
duty
in
that
station
of
life
unto
which
it
has
pleased
—
shall
I
say
Providence
?
—
to
call
her
.
"
My
heart
was
filled
so
full
,
both
by
what
he
said
and
by
his
affecting
manner
of
saying
it
,
that
I
was
not
able
to
speak
,
though
I
tried
.
"
Mr
.
Jarndyce
,
"
he
went
on
,
"
makes
no
condition
beyond
expressing
his
expectation
that
our
young
friend
will
not
at
any
time
remove
herself
from
the
establishment
in
question
without
his
knowledge
and
concurrence
.
That
she
will
faithfully
apply
herself
to
the
acquisition
of
those
accomplishments
,
upon
the
exercise
of
which
she
will
be
ultimately
dependent
.
That
she
will
tread
in
the
paths
of
virtue
and
honour
,
and
—
the
—
a
—
so
forth
.
"
I
was
still
less
able
to
speak
than
before
.
"
Now
,
what
does
our
young
friend
say
?
"
proceeded
Mr
.
Kenge
.
"
Take
time
,
take
time
!
I
pause
for
her
reply
.
But
take
time
!
"
What
the
destitute
subject
of
such
an
offer
tried
to
say
,
I
need
not
repeat
.
What
she
did
say
,
I
could
more
easily
tell
,
if
it
were
worth
the
telling
.
What
she
felt
,
and
will
feel
to
her
dying
hour
,
I
could
never
relate
.
This
interview
took
place
at
Windsor
,
where
I
had
passed
(
as
far
as
I
knew
)
my
whole
life
.
On
that
day
week
,
amply
provided
with
all
necessaries
,
I
left
it
,
inside
the
stagecoach
,
for
Reading
.
Mrs
.
Rachael
was
too
good
to
feel
any
emotion
at
parting
,
but
I
was
not
so
good
,
and
wept
bitterly
.
I
thought
that
I
ought
to
have
known
her
better
after
so
many
years
and
ought
to
have
made
myself
enough
of
a
favourite
with
her
to
make
her
sorry
then
.
When
she
gave
me
one
cold
parting
kiss
upon
my
forehead
,
like
a
thaw
-
drop
from
the
stone
porch
—
it
was
a
very
frosty
day
—
I
felt
so
miserable
and
self
-
reproachful
that
I
clung
to
her
and
told
her
it
was
my
fault
,
I
knew
,
that
she
could
say
good
-
bye
so
easily
!
"
No
,
Esther
!
"
she
returned
.
"
It
is
your
misfortune
!
"
The
coach
was
at
the
little
lawn
-
gate
—
we
had
not
come
out
until
we
heard
the
wheels
—
and
thus
I
left
her
,
with
a
sorrowful
heart
.
She
went
in
before
my
boxes
were
lifted
to
the
coach
-
roof
and
shut
the
door
.
As
long
as
I
could
see
the
house
,
I
looked
back
at
it
from
the
window
through
my
tears
.
My
godmother
had
left
Mrs
.
Rachael
all
the
little
property
she
possessed
;
and
there
was
to
be
a
sale
;
and
an
old
hearth
-
rug
with
roses
on
it
,
which
always
seemed
to
me
the
first
thing
in
the
world
I
had
ever
seen
,
was
hanging
outside
in
the
frost
and
snow
.
A
day
or
two
before
,
I
had
wrapped
the
dear
old
doll
in
her
own
shawl
and
quietly
laid
her
—
I
am
half
ashamed
to
tell
it
—
in
the
garden
-
earth
under
the
tree
that
shaded
my
old
window
.
I
had
no
companion
left
but
my
bird
,
and
him
I
carried
with
me
in
his
cage
.
When
the
house
was
out
of
sight
,
I
sat
,
with
my
bird
-
cage
in
the
straw
at
my
feet
,
forward
on
the
low
seat
to
look
out
of
the
high
window
,
watching
the
frosty
trees
,
that
were
like
beautiful
pieces
of
spar
,
and
the
fields
all
smooth
and
white
with
last
night
’
s
snow
,
and
the
sun
,
so
red
but
yielding
so
little
heat
,
and
the
ice
,
dark
like
metal
where
the
skaters
and
sliders
had
brushed
the
snow
away
.
There
was
a
gentleman
in
the
coach
who
sat
on
the
opposite
seat
and
looked
very
large
in
a
quantity
of
wrappings
,
but
he
sat
gazing
out
of
the
other
window
and
took
no
notice
of
me
.
I
thought
of
my
dead
godmother
,
of
the
night
when
I
read
to
her
,
of
her
frowning
so
fixedly
and
sternly
in
her
bed
,
of
the
strange
place
I
was
going
to
,
of
the
people
I
should
find
there
,
and
what
they
would
be
like
,
and
what
they
would
say
to
me
,
when
a
voice
in
the
coach
gave
me
a
terrible
start
.
It
said
,
"
What
the
de
-
vil
are
you
crying
for
?
"
I
was
so
frightened
that
I
lost
my
voice
and
could
only
answer
in
a
whisper
,
"
Me
,
sir
?
"
For
of
course
I
knew
it
must
have
been
the
gentleman
in
the
quantity
of
wrappings
,
though
he
was
still
looking
out
of
his
window
.
"
Yes
,
you
,
"
he
said
,
turning
round
.
"
I
didn
’
t
know
I
was
crying
,
sir
,
"
I
faltered
.
"
But
you
are
!
"
said
the
gentleman
.
"
Look
here
!
"
He
came
quite
opposite
to
me
from
the
other
corner
of
the
coach
,
brushed
one
of
his
large
furry
cuffs
across
my
eyes
(
but
without
hurting
me
)
,
and
showed
me
that
it
was
wet
.
"
There
!
Now
you
know
you
are
,
"
he
said
.
"
Don
’
t
you
?
"
"
Yes
,
sir
,
"
I
said
.
"
And
what
are
you
crying
for
?
"
said
the
gentleman
,
"
Don
’
t
you
want
to
go
there
?
"
"
Where
,
sir
?
"
"
Where
?
Why
,
wherever
you
are
going
,
"
said
the
gentleman
.
"
I
am
very
glad
to
go
there
,
sir
,
"
I
answered
.
"
Well
,
then
!
Look
glad
!
"
said
the
gentleman
.
I
thought
he
was
very
strange
,
or
at
least
that
what
I
could
see
of
him
was
very
strange
,
for
he
was
wrapped
up
to
the
chin
,
and
his
face
was
almost
hidden
in
a
fur
cap
with
broad
fur
straps
at
the
side
of
his
head
fastened
under
his
chin
;
but
I
was
composed
again
,
and
not
afraid
of
him
.
So
I
told
him
that
I
thought
I
must
have
been
crying
because
of
my
godmother
’
s
death
and
because
of
Mrs
.
Rachael
’
s
not
being
sorry
to
part
with
me
.
"
Confound
Mrs
.
Rachael
!
"
said
the
gentleman
.
"
Let
her
fly
away
in
a
high
wind
on
a
broomstick
!
"
I
began
to
be
really
afraid
of
him
now
and
looked
at
him
with
the
greatest
astonishment
.
But
I
thought
that
he
had
pleasant
eyes
,
although
he
kept
on
muttering
to
himself
in
an
angry
manner
and
calling
Mrs
.
Rachael
names
.
After
a
little
while
he
opened
his
outer
wrapper
,
which
appeared
to
me
large
enough
to
wrap
up
the
whole
coach
,
and
put
his
arm
down
into
a
deep
pocket
in
the
side
.
"
Now
,
look
here
!
"
he
said
.
"
In
this
paper
,
"
which
was
nicely
folded
,
"
is
a
piece
of
the
best
plum
-
cake
that
can
be
got
for
money
—
sugar
on
the
outside
an
inch
thick
,
like
fat
on
mutton
chops
.
Here
’
s
a
little
pie
(
a
gem
this
is
,
both
for
size
and
quality
)
,
made
in
France
.
And
what
do
you
suppose
it
’
s
made
of
?
Livers
of
fat
geese
.
There
’
s
a
pie
!
Now
let
’
s
see
you
eat
’
em
.
"
"
Thank
you
,
sir
,
"
I
replied
;
"
thank
you
very
much
indeed
,
but
I
hope
you
won
’
t
be
offended
—
they
are
too
rich
for
me
.
"
"
Floored
again
!
"
said
the
gentleman
,
which
I
didn
’
t
at
all
understand
,
and
threw
them
both
out
of
window
.
He
did
not
speak
to
me
any
more
until
he
got
out
of
the
coach
a
little
way
short
of
Reading
,
when
he
advised
me
to
be
a
good
girl
and
to
be
studious
,
and
shook
hands
with
me
.
I
must
say
I
was
relieved
by
his
departure
.
We
left
him
at
a
milestone
.
I
often
walked
past
it
afterwards
,
and
never
for
a
long
time
without
thinking
of
him
and
half
expecting
to
meet
him
.
But
I
never
did
;
and
so
,
as
time
went
on
,
he
passed
out
of
my
mind
.
When
the
coach
stopped
,
a
very
neat
lady
looked
up
at
the
window
and
said
,
"
Miss
Donny
.
"
"
No
,
ma
’
am
,
Esther
Summerson
.
"
"
That
is
quite
right
,
"
said
the
lady
,
"
Miss
Donny
.
"
I
now
understood
that
she
introduced
herself
by
that
name
,
and
begged
Miss
Donny
’
s
pardon
for
my
mistake
,
and
pointed
out
my
boxes
at
her
request
.
Under
the
direction
of
a
very
neat
maid
,
they
were
put
outside
a
very
small
green
carriage
;
and
then
Miss
Donny
,
the
maid
,
and
I
got
inside
and
were
driven
away
.
"
Everything
is
ready
for
you
,
Esther
,
"
said
Miss
Donny
,
"
and
the
scheme
of
your
pursuits
has
been
arranged
in
exact
accordance
with
the
wishes
of
your
guardian
,
Mr
.
Jarndyce
.
"
"
Of
—
did
you
say
,
ma
’
am
?
"
"
Of
your
guardian
,
Mr
.
Jarndyce
,
"
said
Miss
Donny
.
I
was
so
bewildered
that
Miss
Donny
thought
the
cold
had
been
too
severe
for
me
and
lent
me
her
smelling
-
bottle
.
"
Do
you
know
my
—
guardian
,
Mr
.
Jarndyce
,
ma
’
am
?
"
I
asked
after
a
good
deal
of
hesitation
.
"
Not
personally
,
Esther
,
"
said
Miss
Donny
;
"
merely
through
his
solicitors
,
Messrs
.
Kenge
and
Carboy
,
of
London
.
A
very
superior
gentleman
,
Mr
.
Kenge
.
Truly
eloquent
indeed
.
