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- Чарльз Буковски
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- Стр. 395/501
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"
I
thought
you
’
d
help
me
,
I
thought
you
might
tell
me
what
to
do
.
"
"
You
want
me
to
change
your
diapers
?
You
want
me
to
phone
her
for
you
?
"
"
No
,
it
’
s
all
right
.
I
’
m
a
man
.
I
’
ll
phone
her
myself
.
I
’
m
going
to
phone
her
right
now
.
I
’
m
going
to
tell
her
the
truth
.
I
’
m
going
to
get
the
fucking
thing
over
with
!
"
"
That
’
s
good
.
Let
me
know
how
it
goes
.
"
"
It
was
my
childhood
,
you
see
.
I
never
knew
what
love
was
.
.
.
"
"
Phone
me
back
later
.
"
Sara
hung
up
.
I
poured
another
wine
.
I
couldn
’
t
understand
what
had
happened
to
my
life
.
I
had
lost
my
sophistication
,
I
had
lost
my
worldliness
,
I
had
lost
my
hard
protective
shell
.
I
had
lost
my
sense
of
humor
in
the
face
of
other
people
’
s
problems
.
I
wanted
them
all
back
.
I
wanted
things
to
go
easily
for
me
.
But
somehow
I
knew
they
wouldn
’
t
come
back
,
at
least
not
right
away
.
I
was
destined
to
continue
feeling
guilty
and
unprotected
.
I
tried
telling
myself
that
feeling
guilty
was
just
a
sickness
of
some
sort
.
That
it
was
men
without
guilt
who
made
progress
in
life
.
Men
who
were
able
to
lie
,
to
cheat
,
men
who
knew
all
the
shortcuts
.
Cortez
.
He
didn
’
t
fuck
around
.
Neither
did
Vince
Lombardi
.
But
no
matter
how
much
I
thought
about
it
,
I
still
felt
bad
.
I
decided
to
get
it
over
with
.
I
was
ready
.
The
confessional
booth
.
I
’
d
be
a
Catholic
again
.
Get
it
on
,
off
and
out
,
then
wait
for
forgiveness
.
I
finished
the
wine
and
dialed
Debra
’
s
office
.
