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A
dildo
activated
itself
and
created
an
emergency
situation
that
required
evacuating
your
baggage
.
Rain
was
falling
when
I
woke
up
for
my
connection
in
Stapleton
.
Rain
was
falling
when
I
woke
up
on
our
final
approach
to
home
.
An
announcement
told
us
to
please
take
this
opportunity
to
check
around
our
seats
for
any
personal
belongings
we
might
have
left
behind
.
Then
the
announcement
said
my
name
.
Would
I
please
meet
with
an
airline
representative
waiting
at
the
gate
.
I
set
my
watch
back
three
hours
,
and
it
was
still
after
midnight
.
There
was
the
airline
representative
at
the
gate
,
and
there
was
the
security
task
force
guy
to
say
,
ha
,
your
electric
razor
kept
your
checked
baggage
at
Dulles
.
The
task
force
guy
called
the
baggage
handlers
Throwers
.
Then
he
called
them
Rampers
.
To
prove
things
could
be
worse
,
the
guy
told
me
at
least
it
was
n't
a
dildo
.
Then
,
maybe
because
I
'm
a
guy
and
he
's
a
guy
and
it
's
one
o'clock
in
the
morning
,
maybe
to
make
me
laugh
,
the
guy
said
industry
slang
for
flight
attendant
was
Space
Waitress
.
Or
Air
Mattress
.
It
looked
like
the
guy
was
wearing
a
pilot
's
uniform
,
white
shirt
with
little
epaulets
and
a
blue
tie
.
My
luggage
had
been
cleared
,
he
said
,
and
would
arrive
the
next
day
.
The
security
guy
asked
my
name
and
address
and
phone
number
,
and
then
he
asked
me
what
was
the
difference
between
a
condom
and
a
cockpit
.
"
You
can
only
get
one
prick
into
a
condom
,
"
he
said
.
I
cabbed
home
on
my
last
ten
bucks
.
The
local
police
had
been
asking
a
lot
of
questions
,
too
.
