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It
was
not
a
progression
of
words
,
but
the
instantaneous
verdict
of
an
emotion
,
a
verdict
that
told
him
:
This
,
then
,
was
his
nature
,
this
was
his
depravity
—
that
the
shameful
desire
he
had
never
been
able
to
conquer
,
came
to
him
in
response
to
the
only
sight
of
beauty
he
had
found
,
that
it
came
with
a
violence
he
had
not
known
to
be
possible
,
and
that
the
only
freedom
now
left
to
him
was
to
hide
it
and
to
despise
himself
,
but
never
to
be
rid
of
it
so
long
as
he
and
this
woman
were
alive
.
He
did
not
know
how
long
he
stood
there
or
what
devastation
that
span
of
time
left
within
him
.
All
that
he
could
preserve
was
the
will
to
decide
that
she
must
never
know
it
.
He
waited
until
she
had
descended
to
the
ground
and
the
man
with
the
notes
had
departed
;
then
he
approached
her
and
said
coldly
:
"
Miss
Taggart
?
I
am
Henry
Rearden
.
"
"
Oh
!
"
It
was
just
a
small
break
,
then
he
heard
the
quietly
natural
"
How
do
you
do
,
Mr
.
Rearden
.
"
He
knew
,
not
admitting
it
to
himself
,
that
the
break
came
from
some
faint
equivalent
of
his
own
feeling
:
she
was
glad
that
a
face
she
had
liked
belonged
to
a
man
she
could
admire
.
When
he
proceeded
to
speak
to
her
about
business
,
his
manner
was
more
harshly
abrupt
than
it
had
ever
been
with
any
of
his
masculine
customers
.
Now
,
looking
from
the
memory
of
the
girl
on
the
flatcar
to
the
Gift
Certificate
lying
on
his
desk
,
he
felt
as
if
the
two
met
in
a
single
shock
,
fusing
all
the
days
and
doubts
he
had
lived
between
them
,
and
,
by
the
glare
of
the
explosion
,
in
a
moment
’
s
vision
of
a
final
sum
,
he
saw
the
answer
to
all
his
questions
.
He
thought
:
Guilty
?
—
guiltier
than
I
had
known
,
far
guiltier
than
I
had
thought
,
that
day
—
guilty
of
the
evil
of
damning
as
guilt
that
which
was
my
best
.
I
damned
the
fact
that
my
mind
and
body
were
a
unit
,
and
that
my
body
responded
to
the
values
of
my
mind
.
I
damned
the
fact
that
joy
is
the
core
of
existence
,
the
motive
power
of
every
living
being
,
that
it
is
the
need
of
one
’
s
body
as
it
is
the
goal
of
one
’
s
spirit
,
that
my
body
was
not
a
weight
of
inanimate
muscles
,
but
an
instrument
able
to
give
me
an
experience
of
superlative
joy
to
unite
my
flesh
and
my
spirit
.
That
capacity
,
which
I
damned
as
shameful
,
had
left
me
indifferent
to
sluts
,
but
gave
me
my
one
desire
in
answer
to
a
woman
’
s
greatness
.
That
desire
,
which
I
damned
as
obscene
,
did
not
come
from
the
sight
of
her
body
,
but
from
the
knowledge
that
the
lovely
form
I
saw
,
did
express
the
spirit
I
was
seeing
—
it
was
not
her
body
that
I
wanted
,
but
her
person
—
it
was
not
the
girl
in
gray
that
I
had
to
possess
,
but
the
woman
who
ran
a
railroad
.
But
I
damned
my
body
’
s
capacity
to
express
what
I
felt
,
I
damned
,
as
an
affront
to
her
,
the
highest
tribute
I
could
give
her
—
just
as
they
damn
my
ability
to
translate
the
work
of
my
mind
into
Rearden
Metal
,
just
as
they
damn
me
for
the
power
to
transform
matter
to
serve
my
needs
.
I
accepted
their
code
and
believed
,
as
they
taught
me
,
that
the
values
of
one
’
s
spirit
must
remain
as
an
impotent
longing
,
unexpressed
in
action
,
untranslated
into
reality
,
while
the
life
of
one
’
s
body
must
be
lived
in
misery
,
as
a
senseless
,
degrading
performance
,
and
those
who
attempt
to
enjoy
it
must
be
branded
as
inferior
animals
.
I
broke
their
code
,
but
I
fell
into
the
trap
they
intended
,
the
trap
of
a
code
devised
to
be
broken
.
I
took
no
pride
in
my
rebellion
,
I
took
it
as
guilt
,
I
did
not
damn
them
,
I
damned
myself
,
I
did
not
damn
their
code
,
I
damned
existence
—
and
I
hid
my
happiness
as
a
shameful
secret
.
I
should
have
lived
it
openly
,
as
of
our
right
—
or
made
her
my
wife
,
as
in
truth
she
was
.
But
I
branded
my
happiness
as
evil
and
made
her
bear
it
as
a
disgrace
.
What
they
want
to
do
to
her
now
,
I
did
it
first
.
I
made
it
possible
.
I
did
it
—
in
the
name
of
pity
for
the
most
contemptible
woman
I
know
.
That
,
too
,
was
their
code
,
and
I
accepted
it
.
I
believed
that
one
person
owes
a
duty
to
another
with
no
payment
for
it
in
return
.
I
believed
that
it
was
my
duty
to
love
a
woman
who
gave
me
nothing
,
who
betrayed
everything
I
lived
for
,
who
demanded
her
happiness
at
the
price
of
mine
.
